The armies had entered the snow filled wastes.
The white mountain sides disappeared under their slow approach and skies had filled with flying units, like they were locust.
There were the Hussaren from Horsetria in their fancy dress uniforms, Parthian archers, from Saddle Arabia, with their simple and mysterious garbs, the knights from Canterlot, proud and staunch and the sky filled with Pegasi and Gryphon Auxilliares, ready to attack.
King Sombra grinned on his balcony, as he saw his enemies approaching. The sisters had called in every ally possible. His victory would be so much sweeter, now that the whole world could witness it.
“SLAVE!” he yelled with a sadistic glee and his eyes burned evilly, as his scribe-slave approached slowly.
“Master?” the crystal pony asked meekly. His hooves were bound by irons and several ink wells and quills were chained to a vice on his neck. He was Sombra’s writing hoof, always ready to put the will of his lord into ink.
“The sisters are approaching. Have the army prepared and the gates opened. We shall meet their force on the icy fields. Their blood shall freeze when it hits the ground!” The tyrant king ordered eagerly. It had been too long since he had last felt the hunger of battle.
“My master, I am but your humble servant and follow every whim of yours… but I can’t do that.” The scribe answered slowly.
“YOU DARE DEFY ME?” Sombra yelled and smashed his hoof down so hard, the crystal of his palace cracked.
“No me lord, forgive me! But I can’t prepare the army, because we don’t have a standing army anymore.” The scribe begged pathetically.
“WHAT?” Sombra screamed.
“You… you ordered the entire Crystal Empire enslaved, my lord!” the scribe explained meekly “Everyone! The stallions, mares, foals, the sick, the wounded, the elderly… basically everyone is either working in the mines or watching the mines.”
Sombra scratched his chin for a moment. “Well, then let half of the army come. Certainly the elderly will not need supervision.”
“No, but we need them to teach the foals. Since everyone is either a slave or an overseer, we have no middle class to provide teachers, scholars or mentors. The elderly are doing hard labor and teaching the foals who are also doing hard labor. That system takes so long to produce skilled workers, our productivity is so low, we had to disband most of the army and enslave them, just to keep the Crystal Empire from going bankrupt.”
Sombra looked down at the smaller stallion in anger. “Why wasn’t I told?” he asked angrily.
“You were, master, but you just ordered me to bring you the crystal heart and threaten the ponies into servitude.”
The tyrant king let out a laugh. “Oh, I remember that day! Their wails and cries of despair tickled the cockles of my heart.”
“And it also halved production, because that completely depressed our overseers, who mostly gave up and began calling in sick. We enslaved them too, but then, we had no more control at all. Now the army is basically in there to keep our slaves from breaking down crying and provides basic health care for the elderly, because otherwise we would completely go down in flames.” The scribe explained.
Sombra nodded calmly. Then he turned back to the approaching army.
“Master?”
“I shall meet our enemy on the field.” He said with an icy cool.
“Alone?”
“Look, you fool, I am a conqueror and warrior, but you clearly see that I suck as an emperor. If I go out and face them alone, I might go down in history as a great and feared conqueror, who died due to his oversized ego.”
“Instead of the sad screw up that you are?”
“Exactly. And you are lucky that I am frozen with fear right now, otherwise, I would smite you!”
heh
I am of the opinion that "Faustria" is a much better pun than "Horsetria".
Also, Have you read The last stand of king sombra by blueshift?
May as well go out with a bang, eh?
That was hilarious!
Dumbass.
4923649 No, sorry, not at all. And I like the "Faustria" thing, but I kinda don't like the idea of Faust being a "named" character in the canon. Also, it is a bit of phonetic thing. I as a native-german speaker tend to slur the AU is Austria, making it sound like an O.
4923650 Well, enslaving the entire population IS impressive. But Sombra doesn't seem to be very good at much else.
Poor Sombra. Forever remembered as an idiot who loved stairs , doors, crystals, and slaves.
4923797
What about the deadmare's switch on the doomsday Brigadoon-ish spell Sombra set? He didn't tell his enemies about it! What good is a Doomsday Spell if you don't tell your enemies about it?! "…sad screw-up that you are," doesn't even begin to do Sombra justice.
The folly of Sombra: A lesson on being a really, really bad ruler.
Great work, Davesknd
Sombra *Really* should have familiarized himself with the Evil Overlord List.
I must say, I love this take on Sombra's downfall.
The very best.
4924061
Well lets face facts, this is one of those situation where you really don't want the villain to have access to the Evil Overlords List simply because it's funny to watch them as they realize just how badly they screwed up.
Though I think this snippet needs a sequel so we can see the reactions of the liberating armies soldiers, whether it's grumbling over so many of them being called out to deal with one awful emperor/dictator, laughing at his pathetic attempt to face them all, or just chucking snowballs at Sombra until he's buried alive, etc, etc.
4924409 Agreed ... and yeah, I think them burying him in snowballs is the funniest option. Either that, or he does like Han Solo and goes to chase down a few running soldiers, then runs into the whole goddamn army.
4924061
Yep, though a few of the rules need updating, e.g., #99. Technology—marches on!
4925018 Agreed ... and, while it's been a while since I've read them, I seem to remember one about familiarizing oneself with the changes to technology and society.
4927242
We don't do that wannabe macho grimdark stuff around these parts, pilgrim. Take your fanatics and get off my lawn before I unleash my rainbow cuteness on you.
4927242
For the glory of the God-Empress of Ponykind!
4929224
Silence, heretic!
Sombra, you schmuck!
Bwahaha, that was beautiful!
4935777
I hope what you spoke here concludes some things for you.
there are officially 666 likes ...
That could only mean one of three things ...
SATAN!
ILUMINATI!
DEVIL WORSHIPER!
Oh Sombra