Pyrefly is a hard-headed, fiery young pegasus with a penchant for racing and partying with his friends. His sister, Ice Dancer, is a quiet, intelligent young unicorn always in her brother's shadow. After a long and troubled life as the son and daughter of two great, influential, and sadly deceased pony artists, Pyro Technic and Snow Shimmer, the two siblings settle down in Ponyville. Once they're settled in, strange things begin to happen in Ponyville around them, and these two otherwise unremarkable young ponies are in for a wild ride as they're sucked into a terrifying fight for their lives and their sanity against the madness that consumed their home and their parents five years earlier.
Chapters (1)
Oh, so this is a second draft. That's refreshing. Most (including myself) have to learn the purpose of a rough draft the hard way, and only end up posting embarrassing slop. Can't say I have a particular interest in this story (plus I have so many commitments and a 20+ long Read-It-Later list), but your apparent skill is enough to lend it validity, I think. It's clearly not your usual fresh-off-the-submission-line crap, I'll tell you that.
Seriously, this looks professionally polished. Though I might not be one for OCs running about the pony world where they could be doing it just as well elsewhere, that's an up-vote for skill that should keep this one away from the trash bin. It's a shame that can't be said for so many of the stories on this site.
Props to you.