The Elements of Harmony Defeated
Newspapers and magazines all across Equestria heralded the news. There wasn't any pony who didn't know: The Elements of Harmony had fallen in their last battle. The evil had been defeated, of course, but the nation still mourned the heroes. None more than the little fillies huddled together in blankets in their club house.
The rain pouring from the sky only intensified the somber mood in the normally joyous place. There were no giggles or whispers of secret plans. The usual light hearted mood of the clubhouse had been replaced with a muffled silence, punctuated only by the sobs and sniffles of the three fillies.
It had been a week since the declaration of a new holiday, and a week since the fillies had been shuffled through funerals and memorial speeches. So many things were still happening, but it had been all signing papers and attending celebrations of the lives the Elements had lived. What they needed was each other.
They hadn't said a word since they had arrived. Apple Bloom had been the first, wanting to be in the clubhouse her sister had helped build then given to her. Sweetie Belle had came not long after, searching for the comfort of someone who truly understood, and snuggled in next to Apple Bloom. Finally Scootaloo had arrived, lying on the other side of the farm filly.
It was hard to tell how much time had passed, not that the three fillies cared. Occasionally one of them would break down, and the others would wrap her in a tight embrace.
The Elements of Harmony were invincible. Nothing could harm them. After all, they had the Princesses’ blessing. One was even a Princess herself!
Not that it had stopped what had happened. The three fillies had thought their role models were invincible. Now they were faced with the mortality of the ponies they had looked up to.
"AJ said she hated days like today." Apple Bloom's voice was hushed, but compared to the silence before, it seemed to fill the room. "She always said they made it impossible to work. But I always loved 'em. She would always have hot cocoa for me when I woke up, and make me pancakes. We would do house chores, and then she would always make some real good soup for lunch, ‘cause by then I'd be getting cold. The fire in the living room wasn't really enough to reach the whole house."
Her voice broke on the last word. A sob shook her body, and then another. She gasped for breath, trying to control her emotions. "And then she'd play with me the rest of the day. All day. Mac would play some, but he was out in the barn a lot. And Granny would fall asleep. AJ and I would be together all day. We had so much fun. I would get to help her make chili for dinner, too. And after dinner, we would get a blanket and wrap up together, and she would read to me."
Apple Bloom squeezed her eyes together and shook her head. "I just want her back," she whispered. "I need my sister." Sweetie Belle stroked Apple Bloom's hair, making soft, comforting noises.
Scootaloo watched, tears silently falling onto her cheeks. "Me and Dash didn't do stuff like that. I mean, I was only ever at her house once. Mom and dad didn't like her too much, but she was teaching me to fly for free, so they didn't tell me I couldn't hang out with her. We never hung out on days like today. She was always busy with Pinkie. But on those really great days, where the sky was clear and the sun was bright, she would take me flying." Scootaloo smiled, even as more tears fell. "She would take me up onto clouds. She would show me wing exercises. I know doctors say I can't ever really fly, but Dash said that didn't mean I shouldn't keep my wings in shape and stuff." Scootaloo let out a small laugh. "I asked her why she put up with me, one day. I said I wasn't even really a pegasus, I can't fly or work weather or anything. And she said that I had a pegasus heart, and that was all that mattered."
Her voice started shaking as she continued, though she never lost the smile. "She said it didn't matter that I couldn't fly through the air. She was really proud of what I could do, and how awesome I was on a scooter. Then she asked me if I thought Fluttershy was less of a pegasus because she didn't fly. And really, that made me feel really good about myself. She always made me feel good about myself, even when I failed at something. She was a great sister, even if she wasn't related to me.
"I miss her a lot too." She leaned over and nuzzled Apple Bloom, who pulled her into the hug she and Sweetie Belle were in. Sweetie wrapped a hoof tightly around Scootaloo.
Sweetie took a deep breath. Then another. Then another. "I think the hardest part is knowing I should have been nicer." The words were laced with anguish. "We didn't really like the same things, but she was my sister. I wish I had let her make more clothes for me. Or let her teach me about color palettes and all that stuff. It always just seemed so boring. Especially after she would go outside and play and even get dirty with me, and I wouldn't ever do any of that fancy stuff she liked. I...I feel like I should have. It would have made her happy. It would have been better than fighting with her before she left." Sweetie Belle barely squeaked out the last few words.
They held each other close. There wasn't much they could do, but be there for each other. More stories were told, throughout the day, and soon the sun was setting. They would have stayed there for the night had no pony bothered them. But Big Mac's voice floated up through the windows. "Girls, it's time to come outta there. Scootaloo’s and Sweetie Belle's parents are here. Come on now." The three fillies looked at each other, gave each other one last hug, and slowly walked out.
Sweetie Belle ran into her mother's open embrace. Then she climbed onto her father’s back, her face pressed into his mane as they walked away.
Scootaloo trudged over to her parents. Her mother asked if she was okay, but Scootaloo just kept walking. The earth pony couple exchanged worried looks before waving goodbye to Big Mac and following their daughter.
Big Mac looked over at Apple Bloom. "You ready to get back to the house?" he asked. Not looking up from the ground, Apple Bloom shrugged. "Come on, then. Granny’s getting worried."
Slowly, the brother and sister walked through the rain to their farmhouse, both imagining another sister walking with them.
*Rides in on his muffin mobile*
Whats up silly ponies,
Im here to spread the ....joy...of....muff...ins?
*Sees three crying fillies hovering over their dead friends/siblings*
Uhhh...
Herehavesomemuffinsgottagobye!
*Tosses some muffins out the window and speeds away*
Er, well... It kinda doesn't have any impact without context. I'm a lot more interested in what happened, truthfully. Sorry.
your thinking what I'm thinkin?
Aww, apparently I'm lovely! Happy to help.
3402917 Yes, that is something that I also felt when I read the story. I agree that it would be nice to learn about the rest of what happened, and I do prefer longer stories, but this was certainly a nice little story for what it was.
Interesting, though maybe a prequel is in order. Also, thanks for making me depressed for the rest of the day.
Sorry, but this setup hasn't worked for a year because people think it's an instant feels button to get tears out of a thousand words.
It.
Doesn't.
WORK.
You have too little setup to make me give a damn, and too short of a story to draw even the slightest hint of emotion out.
It's "Oh Noes! The EoH were killed! The CMC discuss it in 5 paragraphs! The CMC get over it in 3 and go home! The Endz!"
You can't tell a whole story by itself in that amount of time with that amount of complexity. The stories that have 1000 word chapters work because each chapter builds upon the last to actually work into a coherent whole instead of 10 seconds of 'you should feel bad!'
This story could have been great with just a little more time with the crusaders. Let them really hash out their feelings, scream at each other, basically run the gamut of emotions.
Here's the cover pic.
[img]the feels[/img]
WHO WOULD DO THAT TO THEM!?!?!?!?!?!?!
RIGHT IN THE FEELS
3402888 yay, muffins!
3402917 I understand. Thanks for the feedback.
3403014 oh, thanks!
3403061 of course you're lovely! I really do appreciate it.
3403076 aww, sorry. I don't think I'll ever make a prequel. This story was based around that picture, and I honestly don't have any ideas for it.
3403695 I wasn't trying to get tears, really. I was going for a melancholy feel more than anything. Sorry you didn't like it.
3403997 But they had no reasons to yell at each other...even irrational ones. But I'll definitely keep that in mind next time I write a scene like this. Thank you.
3404392 thank you!
3408908 The pic made me do it!
It's sad But very well written. I'm conflicted
I liked it for what is was and what it mite of ben trying to do a little more content would of really helped flush the story out but over all it was good for what there was
It's an interesting study. My main nit-pick is that Sweetie Belle's speech at the end uses an adult's vocabulary. Tweaking the choice of words would address most of that without changing the prose or the points she's making.
Now you have me wondering how Spike is reacting, and whose shoulder he's crying on (as he may still be in Ponyville). Celestia being a wreck is a given. Luna's reaction could go in a few different directions depending on your take on her character and her relationship with Twilight.
Food for thought, at least. Well done.
*sniff sniff* c-could you *sniff* make a sequel? *sniff* I'll be back in a mi-minute, I've got some *sniff* feels to deal with...
And over two years later, I reply
3410948 Thank you.
3411948 yeah, this was a practice in how well I could show sadness in my characters.
3454849 thank you, those are wonderful thoughts. I've give the story another read and agree, Sweetie could stand to sound more like a child.
6791784 it is a possibility. I've been considering AcedmicPony's thoughts and might write those as well. What did you have in mind?
6793251
Hmm... I dunno. I trust whatever you'd write would be amazing, and I think you could let your imagination run wild and be back with genius.
6793309 haha, I appreciate the vote of confidence. I want to say that, yes, I do believe I will add a second chapter to this. I'm not sure how soon I could have it up, but it should be fairly soon. (As in, by the end of the month).
6793522
That's fine! From experience, i know a good story takes time. Feel no need no rush, I've got other things I can do in the meantime.