A collection of side stories accompanying my story, The Sword Coast. These tales will be confusing if you are not familiar with the core story.
The Jester and the Thief: Rarity and Pinkie Pie must rescue their friends from the clutches of Manehattan's mercenary law enforcement, the Flaming Wing. On the way, Rarity finds herself closer to her past than she would like. Occurs during the chapter "Flaming Wing" from the core story.
The Black Knight: The Second Child struggles to get by on the streets of Manehattan. He lives with a shadow on his mind and survives by killing. Occurs prior to the beginning of the core story. (WARNING: Spoilers. Intended to be read only after completing The Sword Coast)
More characters and synopsis to be added as chapters are posted.
The Sword Coast is featured on Equestria Daily. It is a grand adventure story inspired by Baldur's Gate and the Forgotten Realms. The first book is complete.
Map by: Bluest Ayemel
The good- Rarity shows how strong of a character she is. She gets to show her skill and some of her back story which is very cool. Pinkie's actions are very much in character and shows her in a very good light. She is thoughtful but spontaneous and acts like she is virtuous which subtly conflicts with Rarity and her more practical persona in this story.
The not as good for me- I don't think you got around to using the dynamic between Pinkie and Rarity as much as you could. You certainly tried at the start and you had a great idea with Pinkie starting that Diamond Dog rescue but I don't feel you did as much with it as you could have. We have a story with only two characters getting real screen time but you have very limited screen time devoted to them interacting with each other. Pinkie does things and she is useful but what she does do does not seem to get much going with Rarity. For instance we have Rarity ready to explain her back story to Pinkie but Pinkie just accepts it and so we just move on. Granted I like that Pinkie is so understanding but even so we do not get much interaction in a scene that certainly seemed to set up interactions between the two. The scene at the spa could have been used for them to develop a special rapport with each other but we don't really get that either. IN the scene with them acting their way past the mercenaries Rarity does it all and Pinkie just giggles afterwards where we could have had a scene with Pinkie also acting, either to make Rarity's life difficult or to her surprise perhaps Pinkie is really good at playing pretend. Either way this could make the scene more interesting and givers them an opportunity to show their friendship deepening. Both of these characters get to show their friendship with Twilight getting stronger in the main story I thought we would see the same for these two characters.
What we do get is very good. The story idea is solid. Rarity is developed a bit and gets to show off her skills. The story makes sense. My only complaint isn't what is written but what could have been added to this story. It could be more especially since MLP is about friendships and Baldur's Gate (well the second one anyway) gave you (some) NPCs that you felt would be friends and good traveling companions. Oddly this particular story does mimic BG1 where the NPCs have a lot less going on in terms of interacting with each other and with the main character but I think this should be more like BG2 where party banter is a key feature of the game (story).
I am sorry this does make me sound like I am negative on this story and I am not I actually like it a lot in fact I upvoted it, this just happens to be one of my things that get to me since I like your characters I just want to see more of them in your story.
3410270
Nah, you're totally right.
I have an unfortunate problem of focusing on plots and business. My characters are very... professional, perhaps unrealistically so. What I was thinking at the time is that they both would have been heavily focused on problem solving and achieving their goal, but there were certainly lulls in there to explore. I might have rushed it. This one may be in for a rewrite; we'll see.
Not that I don't think the final product wasn't quality, just that I think your feedback is very valuable. I burned up a lot of my attention when writing this on making it all fit with the main story and fleshing out Rarity's character without having her explain her past directly, but the dynamic between characters and the friendships getting built around Twilight are equally, if not more important. So, I can see the missed opportunities, and I am also disappointed.
Honestly, Pinkie, and to a lesser extent Fluttershy, are the characters I have the hardest time writing. I should spend more time in their heads, so to speak.
For those of you who have read it already, I did some heavy edits.
Changed Stuff:
More dialogue for Pinkie, (alley scene where Rarity makes the cloaks, the bit with Rat on the platform, magic shop scene, mercenaries scene)
New Scene added in the spa (between arriving at the spa and talking to the two Flaming Wing mercenaries)
Really, it feels like it was always meant to be there. I just brushed over it for some reason.
I think that new scenes really work. It shows Rarity opening up and of course we get to see Pinkie and her motivation. I did not expect Pinkie to get to go into how she learned what she does and how it fits with her philosophy in life. That was unexpected and fitting.
Writing Pinkie (and Rarity for that matter) can be quite difficult since comedy is not easy and she complicates it further what with being a whimsical and at times random character. I think you do a great job with it. I think she is showing her motivations and goals (at least her basic goals) and she is still funny. She shows her randomness but she is not over the top. In many ways she is like the actual Pinkie from "Too Many Pinkie Pies" where she is sometimes random, introspective, and a little bit random/unusual/breaking physics rather than the more often seen in fan stories which is closer to the clones which are more extreme in their randomness.
I think your revisions do help the chapter.
I am also excited to see what other character combos you will decide to do. Small character stories are always a good way to go (just look at the comic that is the way they are going too) and it can help keep things focused. I think this is a great idea since you can use this to flush out their characters without bogging down the main story with it.
More Sword Coast.
This makes me very happy.
Hmm a story talking about Shining Armor and his past? Interesting. I wonder if we will get other character back stories for the ones who have some mystery. We know about Twilight, Rarity and now Shining armor but who else has an interesting story to tell? I think we know enough about AJ (unless there is something you kept secret) and I am not sure about Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash. Pinkie could be interesting. We know she had that book but that is it and it seems there is more to Pinkie than what Twilight knows...
Shining's Backstory!
yay backstory
3415748
Agreed
A lovely, if certainly morbid end to his tale.
Damn. Shining had it rough.
Just more of your stories. Quietly being awesome.
I see what you did there!
I can't believe it took me this long to read the Shining Armor stories, they are quite good. I think the first one is stronger though, but mostly because the very end of the second one. While killing the guy who made your armor is a very 'badguy' fantasy world thing to do it does beg the question where hes going to go to get it repaired since at some point parts will wear out. Plus I would think that a good smith being killed would result in a rather large investigation since a really good smith isn't very common. Plus at that point I would think that Shining Armor would be trying to be a little less kill crazy, at least till you know who shows up and starts messing with him.
Great job. Just a note you never seem to read Cadance was a pegasus not a unicorn. She wouldn't have a horn ring. My reccommendations for other stories are-
- Trixie
-Sombra
-Granny Smith
-Starswirl
-The Time of Troubles
-Cutie Mark Crusaders
-Rarity (the white widow)
-Pinkie- Martial Arts
-Rainbow's Training
-Fluttershy-leaving cloudsdale meeting angel
sad how these stories will neve rbe completed.