Rarity levitated a new bolt of cloth over to her sewing machine while simultaneously threading a new bobbin with matching thread. She was behind on her latest order, but neither Tartarus nor tidal surges were going to get in the way of finishing this project on schedule. Rarity hovered a pair of pinking shears over the fabric, lining up her next cut, but just as the shears bit into the cloth the bell hanging over the entrance to the Boutique rang out.
Stamping her hoof with a little irritation, Rarity took a breath to compose herself. Putting on her most professional expression, she walked out from the workroom and called out with a cheerful tone, "Welcome to Carousel Boutique! Where every garment is chic, unique, and...Oh, it's you, Sweetie Belle."
Sweetie Belle mumbled a little greeting and let her saddlebag of school books slump to the ground.
"Now, Sweetie Belle. You simply cannot make a mess in here today. I'm expecting a very important client this afternoon and I must keep the store spotless to make a good impression." Rarity tilted her head as she realized the time and then asked, "What are you doing back from school so early? Shouldn't you still be in class?" Rarity narrowed her eyes. "You aren't in trouble again are you?"
Sweetie Belle gave Rarity a mildly dirty look. "No, Miss Cheerilee let us out early for a project."
Rarity nodded, appeased for the moment. "Very well dear, I won't keep you from your homework while I go and do my own work. Ha! That was very nearly a rhyme worthy of Zecora!" Rarity chuckled as she turned to head back into the workroom.
"Can you tell me about the birds and the bees?" Sweetie Belle asked from behind Rarity.
Rarity stopped dead in her tracks.
Slowly, she turned around to look at Sweetie Belle. "What did you say?" she asked hesitantly.
"I was hoping you could tell me about the birds and bees," Sweetie Belle repeated.
Rarity fanned herself nervously. "This is most...unexpected. Aren't you a bit young to worry about such things?"
Sweetie Belle frowned. "I'm just as old as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, and they're out finding out the same thing!"
"I see," Rarity said. "Well, I suppose it's only natural. But darling, this really is a conversation you should be having with Mother."
"Why do you say that?" Sweetie Belle asked with surprise. "I bet she doesn't know anything about it."
Rarity blinked. "Oh, I'm quite sure she knows at least a couple of things about it," she replied dryly.
"C'mon Rarity, you've got to help me. Pleeeeease?" Sweetie Belle begged.
"Why the sudden interest in this?" Rarity inquired. A terrible thought occurred to her and a hoof flew to her cheek. "You haven't been snooping around in my private library have you?!"
Sweetie Belle cocked her head. "You have a private library? Is it anything like Twilight's?"
Rarity coughed to suppress a snort of laughter. "Oh, I daresay it's nothing like Twilight's." Her expression turned thoughtful. "Though one never knows. That mare does need to blow off steam somehow."
"Huh?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Err...never mind about Twilight," Rarity replied quickly.
"Rarity, I really need you to help me. I don't want to spend all day working on this assignment," Sweetie Belle whined.
"Assignment? You mean...THIS is the project that Cheerilee gave you?" Rarity asked, somewhat aghast. Sweetie Belle nodded affirmatively.
"This is completely inappropriate!" Rarity exclaimed. "They're supposed to get permission, or something! Mark my words, I'll be bringing this up at the next Pony-Teacher Association meeting!"
Sweetie Belle had no choice at this point. Digging into her arsenal, she put on "the eyes", giving Rarity the most adorable sad-face she could muster.
"Very well," Rarity conceded, unable to resist the cuteness overload. "But as a lady I have no idea how to tell you to write about such things. Perhaps a literary example would be a starting point. Wait here." With that, Rarity turned and went upstairs to her bedroom to fetch one of her favorite novellas. When she returned, Rarity levitated a well-worn paperback over to Sweetie Belle. "Read through this, it might give you some ideas for your...assignment. We can talk about it later, I must get back to work for now."
Sweetie Belle nodded her thanks and Rarity returned to her workroom. Once Rarity was out of sight, Sweetie Belle pulled the book in front of her and looked at the title. "Labors of the Heart?" Sweetie said outloud. "How is this supposed to help me write about birds and bees?" Sweetie Belle shrugged and started to hoof through the pages.
"How can she read this with some of the pages stuck together?" Sweetie Belle wondered. She finally let the book fall open where the spine had the deepest crease and started reading.
Rose Petal ran her gaze over the repairpony, admiring the ripping of his muscles under his coat as he worked to repair the broken sink. She pulled the towel tighter around herself she had grabbed when stepping out of the shower to answer the door.
"What did you say your name was again?" Rose Petal breathed, her eyes never leaving his flank.
"Labor. Hard Labor, Ma'am," the burly stallion replied.
"May I call you...Hard?" Rose Petal asked demurely.
The well-toned plumber lifted his head from under the sink and flashed a dazzling smile. "I would like nothing better." As he ran a hoof through his rough-shod mane, one of the faucets broke, spraying Rose Petal in a stream of water before the handsome stallion grabbed a wrench from his belt and shut the water off.
"Shame on me," he said in his rich baritone voice. "Looks like I've gotten you all wet."
"You have no idea," Rose Petal murmured, a little too loudly. Looking into the stallion's chestnut eyes, she pointed at the wrench and purred, "Is that the biggest tool you have?"
"Oh no, I've got one even larger for...special circumstances," Hard Labor replied, his hoof brushing over the towel, which fell to the floor.
Sweetie Belle's eyes grew larger and larger as she kept reading. Wait, were they...was that...
"EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Sweetie Belle squealed, tossing the book away and sprinting from the Boutique, slamming the door behind her.
Rarity came trotting out to see what the commotion was. She spied the book laying on the ground and levitated it up, glancing quickly over the section that Sweetie Belle had been reading. "I suppose that outfit can wait a few more minutes," Rarity said with a naughty giggle, taking the book back upstairs with her.
I laughed hard enough to make my head hurt.
Oh dear.
Poor Sweetie. Generosity means giving, but not necessarily giving what the person wants.
Also, I'd have gone with "neither Tartarus nor tidal surges" for the distorted turn of phrase. Still very nice, though.
Looking forward to more. Especially since the short chapters allow you to churn this out quite quickly.
3523847
I *do* like that turn of phrase better. Shame I didn't think of it.
And I hope to tackle the next chapter tonight or tomorrow, depends how much fallout we have from the storms that tore through last night where I am. That and wanting to go catch the new Hunger Games flick.
3523880
Feel free to use it.
3523887
Done with permission
If this is Generosity's version... I'd think Honesty's version will be much more graphic
Ha, so trashy, Rarity, so trashy. And I bet Twilight has an entire shelf of those type of books. For research purposes, of course.
This story is 100% Discord-Approved.
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLlhXf1lroZbL9a9qa5FqjuMJiU0m49HcQsUMQdpTwxfOvg-s8
Brilliant
and on that day, Sweetie decided to never read again
3523976
I have to credit that to FanOfMostEverything...dang I wish I'd thought that up the first time.
3523958
Thanks a lot for the helpful critique! It's the kind little lessons we get that make us all better writers
3523894
Nah, here's how Honesty's version goes.
AB: Applejack, can you tell me about the birds and the bees?
AJ: Well I'll be...didn't think you were quite ready for those questions. Sure, come on, sit down. What brings this on?
AB: School project.
AJ: ...why would 'the birds and the bees' be a school project?
AB: It's a report on nature. Birds and Bees are part of nature.
AJ: ...I take it I'm not the only one you're asking?
AB: *shakes head* Nope! I'm also going to be asking Twilight. Sweetie will be asking Rarity and Pinkie Pie. Scootaloo's gonna be asking Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
AJ: How come Scootaloo's asking Fluttershy?
AB: She got first pick of the three remaining, and Fluttershy's bound to know tons about the birds and the bees, what with her animal caretaking, right?
Applejack stares at Apple Bloom for a time, then busts up laughing.
God, you had me rolling with that trashy romance novel excerpt. Nicely done.
Poor Sweetie Belle's not so innocent anymore...
"pages stuck together"
Either rarity was grinding on the book, or used futa magic.
Honestly, my absolute favorite part would have to be,
I laughed my fucking ass off
Oh sweet Celestia, I-I can't stop laughing!
3524014 You my good sir, have won the internets.
5/5 mustaches
3524224
Or switched page turning hooves mid stride.
"How can she read this with some of the pages stuck together?" Oh my, what's been goin' on with THAT book
Very nice.^^ But, when Sweetie was reading, I believe you mean 'were', not 'where'. 'were' is the verb. 'where' is like a location.;) That's the problem with spell check programs. They correct spelling, but not grammar, so when words are similar, it just chooses the first word that's near that spelling. No doubt the reason why so many people online mistake the word 'lose' as spelled 'loose'. 'lose' is as in win and lose. 'loose' is like something isn't fitting well, or when rarely used as a verb, is used to describe making something loose.
Other than that nitpick though, very funny chapters thusfar. Well done.^_^
pure genius. i love this so far, you definately make me smile. oh Rarity really is a naughty mare
The Crusaders are all going to be traumatized before this is over, aren't they?
3524224 Or used dirty hooves :P Or, you know. Exploded quite strong.
A size of her eyes was directly proportional to the size of the tool...
Upon reading the title, I thought it was an update to:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1983/the-birds-and-the-bees
In that one, Pinkie ends up doing the explaining. I remember reading another one where Twilight tells the CMCs, the CMCs don't believe her so she gives them a book and they decide to ignore the book too.
Edit: found the other story... http://www.fimfiction.net/story/76645/a-simple-question
3524042 If that happens I'll laugh my butt of.
This has potential.... Continue....
3524999
Somepony is bound to figure out they literally meant birds and bees sooner or later. Question is: will that be before or after the CMCs hear more than they'd like to about what everypony else thinks they are talking about?
It could actually be quite funny if the CMCs actually did end up writing their essays about birds and bees or more precisely: how nopony wants to talk about those. Imagine Cherilee's reaction as the CMCs re-tell their experiences asking Fluttershy and friends!
Ah! Eh! Ee!.. Er! Gaaahh~ xD by Celestia's beard this is so cute! But so wrong in so many amazing ways lol. More. I must have more!
3524947
th05.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/277/d/8/giggity_horns_by_redapropos-d6p2kqc.png
Meh, I've seen better Birds and Bees stories with best pones ()
3524474Most likely seeing Sweete Belle almost already traumatized.
3525168 I'm sure it will come apart with a little licking. Rarity's the only one who uses it. *licks page*
3524643
No, she was eating baklava while reading. Becuase why have just one kind of naughty satisfaction, when you can have TWO? Mmmm, baklava...
finecooking.com/cms/uploadedimages/images/cooking/articles/issues_91-100/051092063-01-baklava-recipe_xlg.jpg
I seriously hope you actually show what the CMC are told :)
"Oh, I'm quite sure she knows at least a couple of things about it"
3523847 I was going to comment on that brilliant phrase, and then I saw that you were the originator.
I am so going to have to find a use for it sometime.
3525168 I'm sure you mean:
3523972 You gon' rape that shark or what?
3526250
Go for it! I love inspiring people.
I think you mean "were"
Rarity gave Sweetie Belle a PORNO!?!!?!???
Dam wish my sister gave me porn
3525808
you know who they should ask?
EVERYPONIE'S FAVORITE DJ, DJ PON-3! VINYL SCRATCH!!!!!
Oh my.
I was gonna do something similar, but it didn't seem to come together at the time. Aside from that, great story you got here, man.
Edit: Oh god, why Rarity?
i've got to try some of these things
3525627 Well played.