After a crusading adventure ends up not going to well Babs tries to search for a way to get back to her normal self.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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If she's asking a question, there needs to be a question mark.
Missing quotations.
When there is a new speaker, you should make a new paragraph for that speaker. You kind of did this, but you don't space the paragraphs apart, causing them to look like they are the same paragraph.
Pretty sure there should be a comma after hungry, since it's followed by a action, though I'm only like 75 percent sure.
And since nothing comes after this, there needs to be a period after Fluttershy.
I kinda remember you showing us this on the group chat some time ago, that or I'm going completely crazy. Not gonna lie, this fic needs a bit of fixing up, has potential, but the amount of flaws makes it hard for me to read.
On the bright side, the beginning was quite enjoyable, it seems your biggest issue is character interaction and dialogue because as soon as Fluttershy and Angel were introduced the flaws became much more apparent.
You had me with the bunny Babs picture
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Yea i know what you mean i saw this pic and I was like "I gotta make a story out of this" and here it is. Also I like your profile pic it's one of my favorite DS games
Misspelled Babs.
"I'm Angle Bunny!"
"And I'm Babs Bunny!"
"...No relation."
GGRRrr
[Damn it...I still see some slight errors I missed. Do you want me to point them out or is this okay?]
3903045
Point them out please.
3903386
GGRRrr
[Ok I did it. I hope I got them all, or at least with only few still missing.]
Sooo Angel's training is the very thing Owloycious wanted her to avoid? And has willingly murdered other bunnies and possibly not-bunnies in the same manner? Eyuup, looks like a certain owl is gonna have hassenpfeffer on his menu sometime soon...
I NEED MORE!!!... I mean if that is okay with you
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I'll try. I've been quite lazy when it comes to writing.
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"Let's hope not, this is a family show... Um, sort of."
Hates angel with a passion? Don't we all Babs don't we all.
Amazing idea, but grammar and punctuation could be better.
please continue writing i seek more to read and i enjoyed this