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Twilight's new royal duties take her beyond Equestria's borders and travel to the frozen wilds beyond even the Crystal Empire. Along the way, she will endure the pettiness of a royal prince and an apathetic reindeer who doesn't seem to care much. About anything. Will she be able to handle her new responsibilities and the untamed nature of the Northern Wilds?
Proofread/Edited by:
CartsBeforeHorses
Chromio Fractured Heart onward.
Cover Art: Silfoe
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My first story, let me know what you all think.
I'll welcome any good criticism.
I would definitely like to see more of this.
a few grammar errors, but nothing too distracting.
3532328
Thanks, would you please point out the errors you found.
3532379
i'll have to do it later (tonight or tomorrow) because i'm busy for the rest of the day.
3532457
Appreciate it, I welcome constructive criticism.
tell "me" you're
from "his" side
"He playfully ran" his hoof
Hart turned
to right to"and grabbed" the coffee potput period here instead or a comma. a semicolon works as well
I've "heard" is
nothing's
end with a ?
even "know" entirely
end it with !?
"He said," reassuring Sweet
north, "but" even
this sentence needs reworking
can't "have" any / drop the ' from Uncles
Yes, "now" then
capitalize or italicize "north" if you want to show emphasis
water "bodies" large "enough" to use
even "know" entirely
There are two things I can tell you to help avoid this many issues in the future:
The first is to first write the chapter out in a program with spell check (such as Microsoft Word) because it also points out grammar mistakes that you might miss.
The second is to simply read it over after you're done writing. You may not catch every mistake, but it will help fix the really glaring ones.
3532799
Thanks, Ill get right on these.
3533900
no problem
sorry it was so long, but these were the ones that would have me stop for a second, and too many may start to turn people off.
3534838
hey, I welcome the critiques.
3539434
I'll be introducing him later on, I want to hold off on bringing in him and Twilight immediately into the story but he'll be playing a large part overall. Don't want to give away to much.
3543771
he'll be a mix of both, out for himself really but he will be there to help the story along. I want to try something other than the spoiled brat portrayal, but he still act like a brat.
Interesting, reindeers aren't exactly common in fanfics here...
Do you mind telling me where you got the idea for this story?
3547891
i really don't know
guess since i wanted to do a story about the northern parts of equestria i thought reindeer would be the best choice
3547738
well i don't like the generic two dimensional idiot, i want him to have a bit of depth in this
Solid stuff so far, always liked the idea of Reindeers in FIM canon so curious to see more!
3570395
thanks, anything you would like to comment or any ideas? I welcome any feedback
Cold needs to watch himself if he wants to succeed. He's irritable and he can be quite petty.
Not really the best person to send out to play diplomat.
3632687
He's a bit rough around the edges yeah, but there's more to him and he'll be growing as a character as the story develops.
good chapter. I like how Cold kept his composure during the interview (although I WOULD like to know what made him start throwing chairs the last time he was there)
3635688
I'll talk about that later.
Cold comes off as a jerk, but he's got a side many don't see.
3635713
I actually like him; kind of reminds me of Midnight.
3635737
Heh, thanks.
Can't wait to see the next chapter in your story.
3635743
hopefully it'll be done soon
like it
3658018
thanks
Will there be any twiblood in this?
3739807
Sorry no.
3740943 okay
3740943
thank Faust.
3742027
Yeah I doubt I'll do a ship fic. EVER.
I like where this is going so far
I shall read on
3771684
Thanks for reading
In my opinion, the exposition is always the toughest part of the story. Reading or writing it, trying to explain everything before the adventure even starts. Hopefully it'll all pay off. Seems legit, I really like the main character so far. Keep up the good work
And now that all pieces are into play the adventure can begin!
3848695
Yeah, I was looking at this chapter a lot and over thinking it.
Thankfully I have an awesome editor who helped me out.
Wait! Prince Blueblood is as old as Celestia? He is no alicorn, is he?
It might be the alcohol or me not being a native english speaker, but it feels like something's off here.
Anyway, good story so far. I can't wait for Cold Hart's and Blueblood's clash.
3854479
Whoops, fixin.
I do promise for Cold and Blue to have an interesting first meeting.
First off I am so sorry I did not read this sooner. For some reason it never popped up on my updates.
Secondly very nice chapter; I enjoyed it.
Lastly, on Blueblood:
Tread carefully friend; you navigate dangerous waters with this one.
3885633
I won't be doing a Twi x Blue. Promise.
However, I don't on making him a generic idiot that I commonly see or read about.
3886113
wasn't thinking about Twi x Blue, but I appreciate the reassurance.
I've run across a few good depictions of Blueblood on here, but I emphasize few. I trust you though.
Eh, pretty slow so far. quite a few minor typos also. and the paragraphs seem clumped together a bit much- of course this is just me, most likely it's perfectly alright.
This story gives me a new point of view, it's pretty interesting. good job
.
Great Chapter, although i have to ask something that I noticed in this chapter. They have cars in Equestria?
3981802
No, why did you think they had cars in the story? I'm asking to see if I made a typo.
3976049
I appreciate the input, yes I'm trying to build up the story. I didn't want to rush what I was doing and just get to the plot but I'll get the ball rolling faster soon.
3981917 Well, towards the end Blueblood tells one his servants to secure his car or something. I thought that it might've been like an automobile
3981973
No his own private train car, I have no doubt in my mind if Cadence has a crystal train he would own at least his own private car.
3981985 OOOHHHHHH.
Now i got it. I got a little confused there, wondering "They have cars in Equestria?" but i didn't know it was a different type of car. Oops.
Soooooo... we get to see a bit more planning from Blueblood, who seems to possibly be corrupt in this fic, though the passage with Celestia and Twilight just before makes me wonder...
Still, everything seems to be building up to a first meeting, I'm excited to see how that goes.
Oh and, I just realized that Buckland is actually a real place. It a town in Quebec, Canada, more precisely, my parents' hometown.
good chapter. I think you'll handle Blueblood well.
3986391
Thanks, I need to hurry this story up and get BB to meet Cold.
3985636
Huh, I did not know that.