Cupid Has A Bat Wing
The cottage full of animals was quiet and dark while the creatures inside slept soundly. They were quickly awakened by the sound of something loud outside. At that moment, the pony owner of the house opened the door and turned on the light before walking in, followed by the rainbow-maned pony that had inadvertently woken the animals up.
“Thanks again for cheering me on while I practiced today, Fluttershy” Rainbow Dash said as she followed her fellow pegasus “Your cheering skills have really improved”.
“Th-Thanks, Rainbow Dash” Fluttershy said a nervous smile. While she still wasn’t use to receiving compliments, it wasn’t her friend’s praise that had her on edge.
“Did you see the way I nailed that finish?” Rainbow Dash went on excitedly “Man, I’m really getting good at that stunt!”
“That’s great, Rainbow Dash” Fluttershy said uneasily as she thought about what she was about to do.
“And what about that loop de loop sonic rainboom?” Dash continued as she leaped into the air and spun “Nopony thought it was possible, but I did it!”
As Rainbow Dash carried on, Fluttershy couldn’t help but notice how toned and attractive her body was and how majestically her rainbow mane flowed when she moved. Realizing where she was going with her thoughts, the timid pegasus stopped herself and turned away with a blush that Dash didn’t see. Fluttershy thought about reconsidering her next actions, but no. She had promised herself she would go through with it. She only hoped that her fears of what could happen were exaggerations.
“Uh, Rainbow Dash…” she started to say, only to be cut off.
“I’m telling you” Rainbow Dash was saying “At this rate, it won’t be long before I become an official Wonderbolt!”
“I know, Rainbow Dash, but…”
“Still, I wonder if it was a bit over the top” Dash pondered “Maybe I should dial back on the…”
“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy finally yelled. When her friend looked towards her, Fluttershy realized what she just did. “Sorry. It’s just…there’s something I need to tell you”
“Well, what is it?” Dash gave her friend the go ahead, not sure what to expect.
Fluttershy sighed as she worked up her courage. She had memorized everything she was going to say. “I can do this. I can do this” she thought to herself. After taking a few deep breaths, she began to talk.
“Ever since we were foals, we’ve always been close” Fluttershy said “But I’ve always felt something strange around you”.
“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked.
“I was too young at first to know what it was” Fluttershy said “But after a few years, I finally realized it. I tried to ignore it for fear of what it would do to our friendship, but I can’t hold it in any longer”.
Rainbow Dash looked towards her foalhood friend, waiting for her to reveal what she was talking about. After a few moments, Fluttershy slowly spoke.
“Rainbow Dash…I like you”.
“Uh, I know you like me” Rainbow Dash said, not understanding what the big deal was “We are best friends after all”.
“No” Fluttershy said as she shook her head “I mean I like you”.
Rainbow Dash pondered what Fluttershy’s second meaning was. “Like me? What’s that supposed to mea…” That’s when it hit her “Wait, you mean…?”
“Yes, Rainbow Dash” Fluttershy said blushing before looking towards her friend with a bashful smile.
“I love you”.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe what she just heard. As a shock ran through her entire body, she felt herself sweat like never before and her breath became shallow like she just did the longest workout of her life. Eventually, she realized there was only one way to react to this revelation.
“Uh, I gotta go” she said before bolting.
“Rainbow Dash, wait!” Fluttershy cried, but it was too late. Her crush had already flown out the door and was long gone.
Fluttershy’s eyes widened sadly and became glossy with tears as she felt her heart break into a gazillion teeny tiny itty bitty little pieces. Rainbow Dash’s reaction was exactly what she was afraid of. She collapsed to the floor, sniffling at first, but it eventually became full-blown sobbing as she covered her face with her hooves. Angel Bunny and her other animal friends would soon come over to try and comfort her. As this was happening, a pair of scarlet-yellow eyes were ominously watching from the shadows before quickly disappearing.
Rainbow Dash flew as far and as fast as she could from Fluttershy’s house. Her head was spinning. She needed a place to think. Flying upward, Dash came to a cluster of clouds. Spotting the biggest, fluffiest one, she sat herself down on it. Calming down, she was able to think about what just transpired.
“Fluttershy loves me?” she thought to herself “The way a mare loves a stallion? How is that possible? I mean, I’ve never heard of mares liking mares like that”. Her thoughts then turned to the way she reacted to the news. “Even with the surprise of what Fluttershy said, why did I panic the way I did? And why do Fluttershy’s words make me feel…strange? I mean, I may have freaked out, but I don’t feel disgusted by what she told me. In fact, I don’t know how I feel about that. What’s going on here?”
It was looking like Rainbow Dash would never understand what was with her when suddenly somepony appeared beside her.
“Hi, there”.
“Aah!” Rainbow Dash yelled in surprise before falling off the cloud. Fortunately, she quickly managed to fly back up and address her surprise visitor.
“What are you doing here, Discord?”
The draconequus looked to her “Well, like I told you during our first encounter, I get why you like to lounge on these things, so I decided to take a little nap up here. What a coincidence that I would run into you here”.
“Yeah, right” Rainbow said snarkly before sitting beside the chaos spirit “Why are you really here? With the Elements of Harmony gone, you’ve got all the freedom you want and can go anywhere you choose”.
“Oh, you’re so right” Discord agreed “And I would love to use it to really liven up your dull pony lives. But as you know, I promised a certain yellow pegasus I’d be on my best behavior” he said as a halo appeared over his head.
Discord’s appearance had momentarily made Dash forget her woes, but just the mention of her best friend and she was back to her confused thoughts.
“And speaking of Fluttershy” Discord went on “I decided to make her happy by spending time with one of her friends”. He then pulled a top hat from behind his back, reached in, and pulled out a piece of paper with Rainbow Dash’s name on it “It was just the luck of the draw it’d be you”.
Dash sighed glumly “Do you really have to talk about Fluttershy now? I’m not feeling well at the moment”.
“Ooh, is something wrong between the two of you?” Discord asked with a fake sincere smile “I always thought I was the expert on creating a rift between you and your friends”.
“It’s none of your business” Rainbow Dash shot back.
“Oh, did you two get in a fight?” the spirit asked “I thought Fluttershy rarely lost her temper”.
“No”.
“Did Fluttershy choose to spend time with her animals instead of you?”
“No”.
“Do you feel guilty that you spend too much time doing your precious Wonderbolt training to hang out with her?”
“No!”
“Well, I’m running out of ideas. I don’t know what could’ve possibly hap…”
“She told me she loved me, okay?!” Rainbow Dash finally yelled out.
“She did what?!” Discord cried in shock before a cup of chocolate milk materialized in front of him. He promptly drank the milk before doing a spit take…right in Rainbow Dash’s face. He then threw the empty glass behind him. It collided with a nearby cloud and like a grenade, exploded, obliterating the cloud “I had no idea Fluttershy swung that way. I need to learn more about my friends”.
“Will you cut out the jokes?!” Rainbow Dash said as she shook dry her wet mane “Do you know how serious this is?”
“Oh, tell me about it” Discord said with a nod “I can’t believe of all her friends, she fell for you. I mean, Pinkie Pie is a load of fun, Rarity is prettier, Applejack works hard, and as for Twilight…well, who wouldn’t want to date a princess?”
“Hey!” Rainbow Dash said offended “What’s wrong with Fluttershy liking me? I’m cool, fast, strong, brave, and loyal, the last one you know well about. What’s not to like?”
“You’re also brash, stubborn, headstrong, and quick to pick a fight” Discord countered “Do you really deserve her feelings for you?”
Rainbow Dash growled “What do you know about love?”
“Well, I know it’s a tasty snack for changlings” Discord said with a chuckle “The question you should be asking is what do you know about love?”
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to retort, but stopped short when she realized she didn’t have one. What did she know about love?
“I…I don’t know” she finally replied “I guess that’s the reason I panicked and took off when she told me”.
“Is that what you did?” Discord asked sarcastically “Really, is that anyway to treat your dearest friend. The one who’s been with you since you were a filly? The one who selflessly helped you find a pet, go with you to get some cider early in the morning, and help you with that tornado? The one who helped the others catch you in your discorded state so that you all could defeat me? Some Element of Loyalty you are”.
Rainbow Dash bowed her head at Discord’s words. While his words made her feel guilty for running out on Fluttershy, they also caused another feeling inside her. Fluttershy had been there for her a lot of times, almost as many as she’d been there for her. And for some reason, the thought of that made her feel strange again, but this time she could tell it as a good feeling. That’s when she realized why she panicked and what her strange, confused feelings were.
“I don’t have time to deal with you” Rainbow Dash said to the chaos spirit “I’ve got to talk to my best friend”.
With that, she took off, leaving behind Discord who had a smirk on his face.
“Even reformed, I can still play mind games on ponies” he thought to himself as he lay back on the cloud.
Fluttershy had managed to pick herself up by now and was sitting on her couch. Though her crying had calm down, she was still sniffling. However, instead of being upset with Rainbow Dash for running away, she was actually upset with herself. She never should’ve told Rainbow Dash about her true feelings. The way her friend reacted was actually justified. Now, Rainbow Dash was probably so freaked out by her that she didn’t want to be friends again. Hopefully, the next time she met Rainbow Dash (if there was a next time), she’d be able to fix this problem.
Just then, there was a knock on her front door. Still sniffling, Fluttershy got off her couch and made her way to the door. Upon opening it, she was surprised to see it was none other than Rainbow Dash.
“Uh, hi” the rainbow-maned pegasus said nervously, with an equally nervous wave “May I come in?”
Fluttershy moved aside to allow her friend/crush to get in. Upon closing the door, she turned to face the mare. After a moment of awkward silence between the two, Fluttershy spoke up.
“R-Rainbow Dash, I am so sor…”
“No, Fluttershy” Rainbow Dash said as she shook her head “I’m the one who should be sorry”.
“Wha-What do you mean?” Fluttershy asked tearing up “I’m the one who messed things up”.
“How?” Rainbow Dash asked “All you did was pour your heart out to me. Me? I ran off”.
“But, I shouldn’t have told you how I felt” Fluttershy said “Can we please forget what I said and continue like everything’s fine?”
“I’m afraid not” Rainbow Dash said as she shook her head “Things like that can’t be forgotten, unless we have Twilight cast an amnesia spell on us”. Before Fluttershy could ask if they could do that, Rainbow Dash said “Besides, I’m glad you told me”.
“Huh?” Fluttershy asked through teary eyes.
“I did some thinking after I ran off” Rainbow Dash said “And I think I know why I did what I did. Truth is, your words made me feel strange”. Before Fluttershy could look away guilty, her friend added “But in a good way! I didn’t understand it at first, but I now I do”.
Fluttershy looked to her crush with undivided attention, awaiting her next words.
“I guess what I’m saying is” Rainbow Dash said, turning a deep shade of red “I love you too”.
Fluttershy cried again, this time, tears of joy. “Y-You do?”
“Yeah” Rainbow Dash said with a warm smile “I really do”.
“Oh, Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy said happily before jumping towards her crush, wrapping her hooves around her and giving her a passionate kiss.
It lasted for a few moments before Fluttershy realized what she was doing.
“Oh” she said as she pulled away embarrassed “I’m sorry about that”.
“What, are you kidding?” her lover said happily “Do that again”.
Smiling, Fluttershy once again wrapped her hooves around Rainbow Dash and resumed kissing her. This time, Rainbow Dash returned the gesture and wrapped her own hooves around Fluttershy. After five minutes, they took a break from kissing and settled for simple cuddling.
“We’ll tell our friends about this tomorrow” Rainbow Dash said before a thought crossed her mind “I just hope Rarity doesn’t start making wedding plans”.
“We…We could have Twilight perform the ceremony” Fluttershy joked.
The two ponies laughed before looking back towards each other with warm smiles and resumed kissing.
Unbeknownst to the two lovers, Discord was watching them through the window. His work done, the satisfied draconequus disappeared in a flash of light
The End
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- GuyGalProductions · 7.4k words · 95 3 · 3.3k views
- GuyGalProductions · 2.2k words · 92 5 · 4.8k views
- HyperBlossom7 · 24k words · 34 5 · 1.6k views
- Rhonert · 3.2k words · 85 5 · 4k views
- lillytheomegawolf · 11k words · 134 3 · 5.4k views
- Some Person · 2.1k words · 84 6 · 3.1k views
- flutterdashforever · 3.9k words · 87 4 · 5k views
- Diablomuerte2 · 2.8k words · 121 5 · 3.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.139 seconds
Total duration
941 users online
295,733 hits today, 2,728,293 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well done for a first shipping fic. A few punctuation errors, but other than that, everything's fine. The dialogue isn't awkward like it can be in some stories, and it seems at least a bit planned out. Neither of them were really out of character, which I see waaay too often. All in all, good job! I really want to see your next!
This is so cute! I LOVE it!
I thought that was funny, I could really picture it in my head.
Thank you for writing, you have another follower!
-Lizzy
Great fic! It was hilarious, and was big on the kawaidesu. Discords antics were great, the flow was smooth, and I have 0 criticisms. This was a nice quick read, and it put a smile on my face. I hope to see more from you. This was a flawless first shipfic.
Very nice Flutterdash there. It's good for a first story. Short sweet and funny. I like Discord's involvement in it. He really felt like Discord and I could really imagine how much he would enjoy playing with Dash in order to make both her and Fluttershy happy.
I'll follow you in the hope for more Flutterdash
I liked this. It was short, but sweet and Discord comes off being the good guy yet still being his manipulative self. Bravo.
Now then, I shall warn you in advance that it has been a long time since I last did a review. Not an intentional thing of course, I love reading and reviewing fanfics despite how time consuming the act is and that has since been the problem, allocation of my time. The point is though I may be a little rusty with this and so have opted to warn you in advance. Anyway, I guess it is time to review once again.
First thing to say is that this story was enjoyable. It is short and sweet, not exactly the most original of concepts but made fresh with the inclusion of Discord and well written. The written mistakes are few and I saw some decent choices of vocabulary such as the opening paragraph's usage of inadvertently. The opening scene worked wonders. It felt natural and the build up to Fluttershy's confession was impressive. The wording of it suited Fluttershy and it was paced well. In general characterisation is golden. All 3 characters act like themselves, talk like themselves and react like themselves. Rainbow Dash's panic moment was understandable and though she opted to blame herself for it I never found her guilty of any wrong; her response made sense and never came across as mean or selfish. On that note, as Flowercrowns16 has pointed out, the following was a terrific moment
:
Now however, it is time for the critique.
From the title of this story it is clear that Discord's involvement is emphasised. The story wouldn't work without his mind game going on however I felt Discord could have done more. His conversation with Dash should not have only been longer but I feel he should have been doing more within the scene. He is a master of chaos but for the most part it seemed in that scene he was sitting on the clouds doing nothing. You should have narrated some random actions for him, perhaps have him pop out Rainbow's ear to emphasise how he is playing with Rainbow's mind to help Rainbow make up her mind. That said the other problem in this story is lack of description, or rather moments of description. Describing Discords actions would have been a nice way to break up the stream of conversation but having Rainbow Dash focus a bit on her surroundings when first came to the clouds would also have helped. After Rainbow Dash left Fluttershy's break down shouldn't have been so sudden, it would have worked better to draw it out and describe the atmosphere at the time.
3630578
Thank you for the review. I was a little nervous about you reading this since I know how you feel about Discord's reform. Still, I wanted to do a fic where Discord helped Fluttershy get together with Rainbow Dash. Glad you like that bit where Rainbow Dash argued her strong points. That was one of the first things I wrote when I started this fic. True, I could've done more with Discord making Rainbow Dash realize her feelings for Fluttershy, but unfortunately, I didn't have many ideas. The same goes for Discord's antics, granted I did think out the spit take and the top hat gag. Perhaps I should've had this story co-written with someone who is an expert on writing Discord. Oh, well. Still, glad you decided to favorite it. Perhaps one day, you and I can co-write a FlutterDash story. I've heard FlutterDash wedding fics are rare.
3569373
Well, don't worry. I've got a couple other FlutterDash stories in my head. Right now, I'm planning a FlutterDash version of the TwiJack story "About Last Night".
3567911
Thanks for the review. I'm glad you like Discord's antics. I'm still a rookie at writing his character (probably because I prefer watching his post-reform appearances) but I think I'll get better with time. Considering Fluttershy's his friend, I'm thinking of throwing him into some of my FlutterDash stories. I'm also glad you think it's a good first MLP shipfic. I've had experience at writing romance fics, but not for MLP. Hopefully, my MLP technique will improve. I gotta ask though, what does kawaidesu mean?
Hah, that was cute, sweet, short, and funny. Discord's involvement was amusing and made this much fresher and little apart from other one-shot Flutterdash stories out there. Overall, I liked how smooth the dialogue was and was reading it in the character's voices. Well done with this story.
Your work has me interested, so if you do any other stories in the future I will surely be looking forward to them.
3742663
Thanks for the review. Considering Fluttershy is the his friend, I'd figure Discord would do his best to see her happy. And don't worry, I've got a few other FlutterDash stories planned. One of them is a FlutterDash version of Darth Link's TwiJack story "About Last Night".
3728793 Kawaidesu means "is cute" in Japanese. But in internet slang it just means that it was big on the cutes.
This was good except ....... how can Rainbow Dash never have heard of lesbians before?
3799030
Some writers like to portray Rainbow Dash as being oblivious to things dealing with love. In Souldin's story 'Magnetism', she didn't know mares could like other mares like that when she saw Lyra and Bon Bon.
Yay!
Not bad.
Awesome.
Perfect.
TITLE:
DESCRIPTIONS: Solid, short, and sweet.
IMAGE: Get one. Anything is better than blank.
BEGINNING: Good start, maybe a little rushed, adding more dialogue could help. Confession was done well too.
MIDDLE: Discord the matchmaker?
END: One problem: can we have a scene where Rainbow realizes her feelings on her own after Discord's chat? It would probably flow better.... And Fluttershy should be sadder. Waaay sadder. (I don't like a sad 'Shy, but here, it may fit.)
GRAMMAR: Fantastic! (Eccelston)
MISC: Too many lines when you separate chunks of the story.
OVERALL: A nice Flutterdash story with a neat twist. Minor errors here and there, but on average a solid story.
FINAL RATING: 235/270
~Wywint
4582719
Glad you like the story. If you think that's good, you should check out "Wedding of the Millennium". It's quite popular and a lot of readers like it. I just hope you're into Dislestia. As for a pic, I'm afraid I don't know of any pics where Discord gets Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash together. Know where I might find one?
4582763 I've read into wedding of the millennium, and while it IS a well written and good story, dislestia always throws me for a loop, and there are only a few Flutterdash secondary fics that I like.
Pictures? no clue, just use something that somehow resembles your story. I once needed a picture of Fluttershy- if she were on fire with glowing red eyes, but chose a simple flame instead.
~Wywint
This is great! Perfect balance of emotion with the comedy of Discord! Have a favorite!
Charming little story. However there is one small error: It should be 'Though her crying had calmed down...' Love the effort, keep at it.
4713663
Glad you like it. If you don't mind Dislestia, you should check out the story I'm currently working on, "Wedding of the Millennium".
Fantastic
5309925
Glad somebody finally mentioned that. I got the idea from an episode of Fairly Oddparents. I felt it would fit Discord's character.
>>eddy13
Fits his character like a glove!