• Published 21st Jun 2012
  • 2,019 Views, 53 Comments

Pounded - RainbowDashian

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4
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Chapter 1

"I remember it like it was yesterday," I say, the psychologist looking at me with a questioning eye. "Coincidentally, if you traveled ten years into the past, this would have, in fact, occurred yesterday."

"Tell me what happened, Mr. Cake," The shrink says.

"Okay, sure," I respond. "I'll try."


"It was the greatest day of my life. Despite the fact that I had been fourteen and without a cutie mark, I had just recieved a scholarship from Canterlot's Royal School For The Culinary Arts."


"Prestigious." The psychologist mutters, scribbling something down in his notebook. Realizing that I'm silent, he says, "Please continue, don't mind me. I'm just taking notes. It's easier to diagnose that way, in the long run."


"Along with the scholarship, I'd just discovered a new way to make cupcakes that took up much less sugar and only a bit more flour; the recipe would have saved us a lot of bits. And, to top it all off, I had been asked out by the mare of my dreams, Crystal Diane Sparkie. She was the adopted daughter of Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie. Due to the fact that Pinkie had been my babysitter, I had grown up around Crystal.

"I had been rushing home to tell my parents to good news when I passed our bakery. Sugarcube Corner was surrounded by a throng of ponies, most of them reporters. I asked somepony what was going on, but he gave me a shove and said, 'Get away, kid!' When I'd flown above the crowd for a better look, I'd spotted my sister, scared and alone in the large mass of ponies.

"When she was born, Pumpkin Cake was deprived of oxygen for an extremely long amount of time.She survived, but she suffered brain damage. It wasn't apparent until she was about two. Around that time, Pumpkin was beginning to talk and walk much more. Pinkie Pie was the first to notice Pumpkin's slow response time and trouble speaking whilst babysitting the two of us. Three days later, the test results had come in, and we received the bad news.

"Anyway, back to what I was saying. Pumpkin was crumpled into a ball, whimpering. When I asked her what was wrong, she'd responded, 'Mommy and Daddy are hurt.' Shocked, I had hoisted Pumpkin onto my back and flown above the crowd.

"I 'd spotted the ambulance near the entrance to the shop and dive-bombed toward it. Being that two hooves were holding Pumpkin, I couldn't exactly land right. So, I cushioned my little sister's fall. When I stood up, I realized I'd landed in front of Twilight. 'What's going on, Pound?' She had asked.

"'I don't know.' I'd answered, passing Pumpkin to the lavender mare. 'But I intend to find out. Take Pumpkin.'

"I galloped to the ambulance. 'I'm sorry, you can't be over here.' One of the doctors had said. 'The Cakes are in critical condition.'

"I was taken aback. I had said, 'I'm their son!'

"The doctor responded by saying, 'A likely story. This is the worst hospital-worthy attack in years; I've already gotten that excuse a bunch of times. Now go join the other reporters.' Suddenly remembering my scholarship, I whipped it out of my saddle bag and showed the name on it to the doctor. 'Oh, I'm sorry.' He had said. 'I didn't know. Go on in.'

"I'd climbed into the back of the ambulance to find two severely wounded ponies and no doctors. 'Mom!' I said. 'What happened, why aren't the doctors in here helping you two?' She placed her hoof on mine.

'The bakery was robbed, and we were attacked.' She said. 'The doctor's can't help, son. We're too far gone, there's nothing they can do. Listen, Pound Cake. Take care of your sister, do you understand?' I had nodded, feeling tears streaming down my face. 'Thank you.' My mother had replied. 'Goodbye, Pound.' Both she and my father flat lined at the same time."


"So, your parents died in front of you?" The shrink asks.

"Yes." I say. I can feel the tears drying on my face, the tears that always accumulate there whenever I think about the death of my parents.

"Would you like to try telling me the -" He pauses, trying to find the correct phrasing. "Most recent tragedy?" He asks.

"I can try." I say.


"My store had become more prosperous after I'd moved it to Canterlot. I'd built a garden out back for growing the wheat and hops. There was a small section of the garden - about a quarter square acre - that Pumpkin would always play in. But that day, she - she -"


Tears are streaming down my face. "I'm sorry," I sob, burying my face in my hooves. "I can't do it."

He walks over and places a hoof on my shoulder. "It's okay," He says. "Do you want to try again tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I say, wiping tears away. "Tomorrow. Tomorrow sounds nice."

"Okay, then, I'll see you tomorrow, same time. Deal?" He holds out a hoof.

I shake his hoof. "It's a deal. Tomorrow." I stand up and slowly trot towards the door.

"Get some rest, okay?" The shrink says.

"You got it," I reply, and exit the room. Once out, a sigh of relief escapes my lungs and I trot down the stairs and out of the building, into the bustling streets of Canterlot. I weave my way through the prodigiously pompous ponies towards my shop, ignoring the "Humphs" of disapproval.

I enter the shop and pause, like I do every day, to say hi to my mom, dad, and, more recently, sister. I go upstairs into my room and crawl into bed. Once there, I can't sleep. I'm afraid. Afraid of what will happen if I tell the shrink what happened to Pumpkin... I'm afraid he won't understand; afraid he'll blame me.

Just like everypony else in this town did.

Comments ( 44 )

Tracking

Of course, he's at the shrink's becuase he's actually an alien. It's always an alien.
((I'll be following this. I hope to see aliens.))

:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:
Word cannot describe how much I like this. More please?

Fantastic idea, and I can't wait to see where it goes!

A little bit of grammar-offness here and there, but I'm watching.

785346
I started writing this WAY back when. Like, first week of membership. I sucked at writing then. This thing was pretty much:
"Herp da derp Pound Cake herp da derp death herp da derp sleep"
Took forever to fix. And it was 300 words short, too, had to lengthen it.

Tears of feels?
Tears of feels.
There could have been a lot more time spent on emotion and such, but for a short 1k chapter it's not bad. Definitely looking forward to more.

785390
Tears of feels...?
Does it say that in there? :derpyderp2: I better go change it...

*eyes glued to screen*
MUST... WATCH... FOR MORE....
O.O
MUST... READ... MORE! :flutterrage:
But seriously... Do you when when there will be more?
I am tracking it so I will be watching! :twilightsmile:

~Rosalynn~:yay:

785418
Probably fairly soon... Idk. I still have to figure out what happens next in the story. I have chapter 4 downpat... Just not chapters 3 & 5. :derpytongue2:

The description reminds me of Bones.

I'mma read this.

785390
Now I feel dumb. I get your beans now.

785430
Ahh. I see. :twilightsmile:
I love the Cake twins. :derpytongue2:
They're soo cute! xD
Like seriously...
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120116051446/mlp/images/7/7b/Baby_Cakes_Ew_S02E13.png
You can't not D'AWWW at their faces! :3

~Rosalynn~:yay:

It's interesting because there isn't many Baby Cakes fan-fics around and to actually see a fan-fic that's fresh out of the water with a tragic theme is pretty interesting.

...so you finish this chapter without telling us how Pumpkin died?
¿Por qué?

785718
Oh, every chapter, he gets closer and closer to saying why...

And finally does on the last chapter.

Oh, Pound Cake! You emotionally scarred silly head!

I love this great story MOAR!

It could be written a tad better
but the story got me hooked
tracked

785943 785952
Yeah, I have to admit, not my best work. I started writing it back when I first joined. It was MUCH worse than this. And it's hard to write reflective dialogue present tense.

785994
Hah. Your work. Good. Pft.

Anyway, Dashian, if you need me to tell you the whole shpiel on this fic again, tell me. I'll get around to posting an actual comment.

785994
Dude. Really. I just deleted that. Stop being a jerk, or I'm reporting you. All he did was say he doesn't like your work. to be honest, a lot of people don't. That doesn't deserve an F-Bomb and a picture of an angry black guy.

The title sounds like this is a clopfic lol

786079
I know, I couldn't think of anything else to call it, though. :derpytongue2:

785445 I don't d'aw at flutershy's squee so I fail to see the d'aw in the cake twins but I'm still gonna track this

I liked it and I didn't. It's got a good idea, however the lack of portrayal on emotions and anything the characters actually feel, somewhat flat dialogue added makes it hard to sympathize with anyone. I saw you said that this is something old you uploaded, so yah... But...

I'm gonna track for now and see where it goes, and I wonder maybe if you could try a rewrite, useing what you have, but then work on the characters and actual events/emotions/etc... Otherwise, a good start and idea. :raritywink:

786156 You have no soul. Get your sorry ass over to the soulless corner. :flutterrage:

788276
I didn't daawwww either...

788280 :rainbowderp:
EVERYONE HAS NO SOUL <jumps out a conveniently placed window>

788280 thank you I now welcome you to the dark bronies (I just started this from what I can tell basically its anybrony who fails to d'aw like a normal brony and/or fails to uphold the love and tolerence policy) thankyou

788276 I know I have no soul I'm also a dark bronie deal with it

Just the mention of Pumpkin's developmental problems and Pound's obvious guilt issues is reminding me of the early chapters of Timothy Findley's The Wars. A lofty comparison for my mind to establish, but I'll be tracking to see where you'll take this.

Cheers mate!

788971
Well, the whole ing about Pumpkin's problems is related directly to the fact that this fic is basically a pony adaptation of The Lottery Rose (Horrible book, don't read it.).

790931
Am I the only one who finds it funny that you're calling him a terrible author when he was quite literally the only proofreader for a collab of over 50 people, whereas you're sitting here acting like his work sucks because he doesn't spend enough time on it? Well, honestly, if you had to edit over 50 individual chapters basically every week, I don't think you would have that much time to work on YOUR stories, either. And the only persons really trolling here is you. There's such thing as critique, and then there's fic bashing. Saying my grammar has issues is fine. Me replying by saying it is old, horrible work is ALSO fine. But then going to one of my OLDEST stories and doing the EXACT same thing is most certainly NOT fine. Part of critique is doing it RIGHT. It also gains you popularity in some cases, because people see how good you are at finding quality in work, and they think that your stories have quality ue to this. But just going and telling someone that they suck at writing, and then publicizing your OWN work without telling someone why THEIRS is bad is most definitely NOT how you proofread. And your own work reflects it. ::ajbemused::

791419
Okay, first off, stop filling my story's comment thing up with cuss words.

Second of all, I did read his. He said he didn't like your work. He said an opinion. Did he then go ahead and try and publicize his work? NO. And maybe he finds flaws in your work, oh no!

Honestly, if you want ME to go to TBATS and find plotholes and faults in it, you'd have over 1,000 words in a critique comment. And I don't think you want that.

All cheese is saying is that your work isn't the greatest, and it doesn't necessarily deserve the craploads of positive feedback it gets. I share his opinion. Every single one of your fics has more plotholes than PROMETHEUS. And, therefore, he has every right to express an opinion. that is much different than "Oh, this sucks, can I read more and hate on it, then tell you to read my stuff?"

:ajbemused:

791477
Oh, the stuff that's been going on in YOUR life?

How about this:
1 - My fiance broke up with me for no reason, then married some other guy in less than a month.
2 - My uncle died in a car wreck.
3 - My brother was diagnosed with Eosinaphilic Esoughagitis.
4 - My friend got knocked up by some jerk, then miscarriaged, and then he left her, and I had to help her through it.
5 - Six months later, my girlfriend, who I was going to propose to in a week, got knocked up by me supposed 'best' friend.
6 - I get hospitalized because she made me so ticked that I sliced my arm open on a wall and nearly died.
7 - I have to get yelled at by jerks like you because you're too ignorant to find fault in your own work.

791611
Just because you're dying doesn't mean you have to go and hate on other people's work...

791665
What, you ENJOY yelling at people and telling them their fics suck?

791504 Dude, that must suck. I'm sorry.

Not a bad story. Very imaginative.

That came as a bit of a shock, definitely. Oh, yes. I liked it! Can't wait to read the rest of the story!

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