• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 30th, 2014

rari_jack


T

Pinkie is having a party to celebrate one hundred PARTIES!!!!!! she decides to personally invite her friends on her way home from school. Twilight and Rarity are normal but something that happens at Rainbow dash's house is totally unexpected.

This is my first story so tips are helpful... enjoy

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

Good story. Dialogue heavy

Made me cry and sick. :pinkiesick: :raritycry:

Very rushed, out of character, and some bad grammar/spelling/typos. You should get an editor and a proofreader.

3671274
3671070 so what if it was rushed? Honestly, all are critical of work, especially those who are new to the fan fiction game!
I enjoyed the story

3681014 "new" doesn't have to mean "bad" or "rushed". Just as an example, my first fanfic barely had any grammar errors, fairly in character... it's been around since May and only still has one dislike that it only got a month ago.
Saying "new" means it's okay for it to be "bad" is like saying it's a kid's show, it should be bad.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, actually, it's the opposite. I'm trying to help your writing, dude, don't take it the wrong way :pinkiesmile:

Sequel please:twilightsmile:

3681014

Hey, I didn't say I didn't like it, in fact, I liked it.

Down vote because no Coke or Dr. Pepper. :twilightangry2:

Interesting but kind of short and there is a disconnect from the start and end. Screw the party lets have sex. Also it kind of made me think of this...

Of course the real reason I read this is for the human versions of small female Lesbian horses in the mood, so take that as you may.

sequel pls :pinkiehappy:

Your Great At Story Telling I Pinkie Promise Cross My Heart And Hope To Fly Stick A Cupcake In My Eye.
By The Way Have You Noticed That In The Chant That It Says "Hope To Fly" And Pinkie And Dash Are The Ones Who Invented Nick Names For Each Other Such As Dashie And Pinks. Shipping Fuel!

Well, THAT escalated quickly...

To be honest, it felt rushed and sudden. Maybe give some time for the feelings to develop instead of it being sudden.

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