Guardian of the Everfree
Chapter 12
The first thing that hit me was the stench. It smelt like the mass graves that the Taliban had dug after they stepped up attacks on civilian targets. My company was one of the groups that investigated them.
My stomach chose this time to reject it’s contents. I don’t blame it, the mixture was fetid. Smelling like a mix of urine, feces, and decomposing bodies. The second thing I noticed from my precipice was the twenty foot pile of dead bodies in one of the corners. It seemed to be mainly composed of ponies but… was that a gryphon? The entire area was almost as large as the mammoth dome in Mammoth cave, and circular. To my far right there were cages stacked in columns of two.
The dogs hadn’t noticed me, yet. The precipice I was on had a drop off to my right, forming “steps” to get down. But before I did anything, I had to do something about this fucking stench. I grabbed for the gas mask that was in it’s pouch on my waist. I slip my NVGs off of my face. There was enough light in here. I slipped my gas mask on, clearing it of the ambient air. I crouch down, slinging the UMP, I pull my LMFII in an underhand grip. I slip down slowly and quietly from the drop off, which was only about ten feet. There was a dog keeping an eye on the precipice below. How had it not heard me? Must have been another loud sound that masked the door and my retching.
The dog was about a head smaller than I, I shoot my hand over his mouth and plunge my knife his neck. The dog went down quickly, and I dragged him behind a large rock that was nearby. No sense in leaving his body in the open.
I finished heading down the “steps”, and head into the shadow of the room. I have to work my to the cages, I can’t leave these sapient beings to live in abject misery. As something less than living, something less than personhood! Treated as nothing but mere animals, stupid creatures that cannot form abstract ideas! To be tossed disgracefully into a pile after their last breath leaves their bodies! It’s disgusting! These dogs were never going to see the light of day again.
I make my way to the cages, thankfully no dog patrols pass me. Right before I make it to the first cage, a dog begins making its way towards me. Probably a warden. It’s a little ways off, so it doesn’t see me. I finish my making my way to the cage and stop on the side. I look to the cage and see a stallion staring at me with his eyes wide and mouth open.
Before he could scream, I put my finger up to the filter on the gasmask. Than continuing, I pointed at the warden’s direction and then drew my trigger finger across my neck. The stallion seemed to get the idea, and shut his mouth.
I waited about thirty seconds until the warden passed. As he passed me and left his back open, I rushed up to him and repeated the same process as I had the other dog. He fell, and I dragged him to the shadows.
Now that I could see that stallion without worrying about the guard, I could see that he was pretty well built. The muscles in his legs pretty proportional. Not too large, not small. With a solid blue body and a red ma-. Oh, god. He’s a unicorn, with half his horn missing. The remaining horn was jagged, and had obviously been broken off. There is also another mare in the cage, she’s in the shadows so I can’t see her.
I can’t help him in the horn department, but the freedom department. Well, I’m an American. I began to rifle through the dog’s vest. Something catches my ear though. It’s on the other side of the cage, it sounds like labored breathing.
I walk over to the left side of the cage, and what awaits me there is sickening. An orange mare, lying on the ground. Her two front hooves broken, and wound in her gut.
I go to my knees and scoot closer to her. The stallion… begins growling at me. I do a short and slow “shh”, the sound being muffled the gasmask . He stopped growling, but seemed to keep an eye on me.
The mare wasn’t good, at all. I could tell that the hooves had gone gangrenous, and the wound in her gut was septic. Her gangrenous hooves were… covering something. I reach my hand down to move them. Thankful for the mechanix gloves I had put on earlier. As my hand drew nearer, however, the mare’s eyes shot open and she began growling aggressively .
Well, growling as aggressively as one can when they’re dieing of gangrene and septic shock in their own feces and urine. I begin shhing again. Hoping to calm the mare down, show I’m not a threat. She seemed to calm down. I moved my hand slowly to on hoof and moved it.
“Oh my god.”
A baby. Couldn’t have been older than a couple of hours, it was still covered in amniotic fluid. Wait a minute!
Oh my god! Its still breathing!
I gently pull the little foal away, and the mother gives no resistance. The little bugger is asleep. Off to my right, the stallion is straining for the baby. Damn, the mare must have been his wife.
I pull my blouse off, detach my gasmask. Oh, god. That fucking smell. I vomit a little in my mouth. It was like a mix of mold, shit and piss, and decaying bodies. I pull my undershirt off, and gently wrap the foal in it. While giving the head a short rub to wipe off. Than give the little guy a scratch behind the ear, as he begins to squirm around. This seems to calm him down, and he pushes his head into my hand.
Unfortunately, all cute things must stop being cute one time or another. I move to the cage, and slide the foal on the ground next to the stallion. I don’t trust their hooves. He moves, and is somehow able to pick up the baby and cradle it. At this point, this isn’t that surprising. The mare, though.
I walk back to her, and quickly slip my unbuttoned blouse back on, and examine the wounds a bit more. No. There is no way I can save her. Even if I got her out of here right now, I don’t think she would make it even if she was back on our world. I highly doubt that the ponies have the technology to deal with gangrenous wounds and septic shock.
But another idea comes to my head.
“Faust, can you help her?” I ask.
“Opening a trans-dimensional portal, Dante, would be easier right now than saving her life. She is nearly dead, and I’m not at my full power. Her fate is currently in your hands, Dante.” Faust says.
Damn it. I fucking hate life or death decisions. Okay, pros to giving her a mercy killing: She is going to die anyway, she is probably in extreme pain, and her believed husband is watching her die. Cons: none really. Okay, mercy killing. Brilliant.
I kneel down and gently pull her head up and expose her neck. She seems to be smiling. I bring my knife about midway down her neck, where the carotid is normally located in horses. I press the knife against the skin lightly, and then quickly dig in and slam the knife point down into the arteries, slashing them open, causing a bilateral injury. She would be unconscious in one to three minutes, and death will follow shortly.
The mare, despite having both carotids sliced opened, still has a smile on her face. She dies happy.
I return to looting the warden. Ah, there they are the keys. I take the spear and the keys and go to the front of the cage. Open the door, neither the stallion nor the mare, who now has a baby attached to one her teats, notices me. It isn’t until I knock on the bars with the spear do they look at me. The stallion looks at me, and seems to take a defensive posture, and the mare just looks at me with even wider than normal eyes.
I hold the keys up, and then motion to all the other cages with the spear. I turn the spear around in my hand, with the pointy side facing me, as a sign of trust. The stallion looks hesitant at first, but grabs the spear after a few seconds.
I depart and leave them be.
Get out of here Cliff!
Anywho, *reads scene about foal* D'aawwww
4028054
Well, I had to do something to balance out death and life in this chapter.
The OC's actions are just too freaking jumpy. You are skipping complete motions as he does stuff. Wearing a gas mask makes it pretty dang hard to do a "shhh" gesture at stuff. Let along get a shirt off, etc.
Overall, the chapter feels like a disconnected sequence of movements instead of a fluid chapter.
4028108
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot about the fucking gasmask!
4028116 Sorry
Btw, it is less painful to put an animal down with a plunge cut through the throat, hitting the jugular and carotid. Limited pain receptors once you are through the skin, so a sharp pain and then just a little vs the long drawing motion.
4028118
Hmm, I assumed their throats would be a bit more… humanoid if you will.
4028125 I haven't bled any humans, but internally it is pretty well identical. Think about it this way, would getting stuck in the finger by a pin, or getting a inch long papercut hurt more?
Under the skin there isn't really any pain receptors. Going straight through and hitting both sides of the vascular system pretty much guarantees bleed out in a few seconds. Drawing across means you have to cut through a lot more tissue to do it. More pressure on the tip of the knife anyhow, so it would cut faster than a slice as well.
I'd offer a diagram but don't want to put blood and gore in comments lol.
4028132
I'll fix it later.
4028137 That was more of just me idly commenting. I honestly doubt many people on here hunt or would even know the difference/care. I'm just bored at 3am and fiddling with my new rifle.
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2014/061/0/8/m1a_socom_by_aknorthpolar-d78po4d.jpg
4028141
Stahp!
You're making me jealous!
4028144 Lol fine
I'm actually off to bed anyhow. Have to be up in 6 hours and all that. Have a good night
4028146
Well, its morning here, but whatever.
Night.
I dislike this story because of the owner Kabar he is a selfish faggot JK
I need more soon.
4028488
She was going to die anyway. Best just to end it right then and there that suffer.
4028488 There was nothing else he could do for her
4030479
I'm about to get some plot C4 and make that cliff a slope.
Godamn cliffhangers never seem to leave me be. They follow me and slowly drive me to insanity. For me to survive, only one outcome I see.
DEATH TO ALL THE CLIFFS!
Oh yeah, nice chapter too.
4041033
Meh, the pacing gets a little better.
And I think I stop being so repetitive.
4045317
Out of curiosity, what kind of sidearm would you have to go with your rather unwieldily weapon.
(I'd either go with the Para-Ordnance 1911 Expert 14.45 [14+1 rounds of .45 ACP] or a Smith & Wesson M&P .40 S&W Compact [10+1 rounds of .40 S&W/.357 SIG])
4045495 Why the Webley Mark V of course!
z2.ifrm.com/10250/95/0/p1004755/4511_09.jpg
Chambered in .455, it's one hell of a gun.
The Bren is no more unwieldy than the BAR, the image I posted simply had one attached to a tripod.
Pretty much all WWII era LMGs were heavy and large weapons, besides some nations still use the Bren today.
4052394
Well, "than" is used in comparis, and "then" is used to denote time.
4052474 I know, but I'm fairly sure you used "than" a couple times when it should've been "then". Too lazy to look for it though.
4052639
Yeah the first couple of chapters I didn't know how they were used.
4052656 Either way, needs more Octavia.
4052669
How's this for more Octavia!
twentypercentcooler.net/data/5a/a3/5aa30d691dc70f7abb3504d4c60fdbba.png
4052739 The reaction mimics my own.
Seems Octavia isn't please with becoming Octavium. (Or whatever the make equivalent of Octavia would be.)
So anyways, THE HORROR!
4052777
Octavio?
And don't worry, she'll find her way in.
4052953 Yeah, sure, that.
Either way, I want my mare.
4052976
Author's note.
I fixed the wall of text in later chapters.
I was typing quickly as well.
4052993 Why didn't you edit that one then?
4053044
Because I haven't fixed it yet.
4053053 So, laziness.
4053059
4053083 Uh huh thought so.
Also since I just finished this chapter I guess all I can say is Faust is a lousy god.
Not really emotional, though. I think it's because the pacing is too fast and the details too bare. The former being partially being a result of the latter.
4053194
Oh, she gets more lousy in the upcoming chapters.
Dante even lampshades it. (Am I using that trope correctly? I could never quite undestand the tvrtropes page's definition.
4053234 Puny god time.
Not sure about tropes, I try to stay away from there, because it's like SCP, once I start reading I can't stop.
Great Chapter cant wait for next update
Just thought I'd drop a comment to say that I've joined in the readership for this story and I've really enjoyed it so far, and look forward to future updates. Whenever there are any future updates, I mean. Hopefully soon. (crosses fingers)
Of course, no "review" would be complete without a few points of what I liked and what I didn't. Take it as constructive criticism, ignore it, whichever.
Pros: I really enjoyed reading about this Dante and his interactions with the ponies. The "first contact mishap" angle seems to be working really well. The story has been interesting and engaging so far, and you've got me waiting eagerly for future updates.
Cons: Plot-holes. If the creator being of the pony planet can create a body that's immune to magic, why did it need a human at all? Couldn't it have just made a body that was immune to magic and put a pony soul in it instead? Or its own, for that matter? Why go to earth? Also, my experience in the military is somewhat limited, but last I checked the standard gear contained a first aid kit. Even if it fell out or something, you'd think the TARDIS box would've made one for him so he didn't have to raid ponyville.
Also, some advice I guess. Art if subjective, but in my humble opinion, mystery typically increases how interesting something is. Things that are mysterious in real life are even more interesting when they're expressed in stories, because they will resonate with the readers. Questions about life, death, God and stuff... these are great questions and many stories have been written about them. But going out and just saying "yeah, the creator did this and I know all about it, and I made this and this is what a soul is" takes a theological question that human religions have puzzled over for thousands of years and boils it down to a line on a ledger.
In other words, if you want to capture the audience's interest, keep them wondering. Maybe in your notes /you/ know that the creator did this or that, but does the audience need to know? Better Dante's aid is as mysterious as possible.
Not that I'm saying you did a bad job or anything, far from it! But the story would've been even better if Faust had been less clear about who she was, and about her motivations. Right now the vague evil that threatens Equestria is still dangerous and mysterious. The question is, can you preserve that feeling of wonder and still create an adversary that can challenge our protagonist? That's the question.
Whatever the direction you take, I look forward to seeing it play out. You've got one more eager and interested reader.
4148089 you sir know how to do a review. I agree on all of your pros and cons, and it made me notice these things as well. Have a Stache, a MuStache.
4053234 also, you deserve a Stache as well for such a great story! on a side note, I am getting anxious for a new chapter, not that I'm trying to force you to make one. I just think a great story deserves an appropriate end, one that deserves a celestia. please, do continue the story at your own leisure.
Neeeeeeext!
is an interesting fic i like how the MC doesnt really tries to befriend the ponies while still trying to do the right thing by his moral standards, also why didnt faust made him able to understand them?
4051529 .454 casull for the win
coolclimbing.com/images/guns/wheelguns/taurus454casull02.jpg
images-mediawiki-sites.thefullwiki.org/00/1/3/9/5598512947027792.jpg
nr:3 is .454 casull
4437337 Nein, bigger pictures are best pictures.
4437836 No thanks, that's too big for a sidearm.
Mistakes Time!
Shoot should be Shot unless the story has suddenly transfered to current tense from the past. Also I'm not sur but I think that comma should be a period.
'I have to work my way to the cages'.
'and a wound in her gut'.
Update soon, I can feel it, in my update box.
god that poor mare
Of course he could help with the Freedoms, he's an American!
You get a freedom! And you get a freedom! And you get a freedom! YOU ALL GET A FREEDOM!
A between the lions reference, hardly anyone remembers that show nowadays