I've always been a fan of Applejack and she is one of my favorite ponies of the mane six. I always wanted to do a story around her and this idea has been going in my head for awhile now. this will be a small three part romance series I will be working on where AJ meets a human soldier who is alone and in need of help. So she agrees to let him stay but soon begins to become more than just friends with him.
Enjoy all you AJ fans.
.........................I........like this
3729022 Uh, a self insert love story? Uh no. the inspiration for this story came from the song The Traveling Soldier.
Besides, it's a just a romance story. Don't take it so seriously.
3729032 Thank you! Sadly, everyone else is just forming an opinion without reading it.
I couldn't really read it. You need whitespace between each paragraph or it turns into one massive wall of text.
I'll put it into my read later pile and read it once it's edited.
3729036 Im use too that....I kinda started out with no support....just an idea......KEEP YER CHIN UP...x3...
3729044 Okay thanks. I did edit it as best as I could.
3729062 I also think part of the reason is because I did come out as a furry and this one guy below me accused it of being a "self insert" love story. I've gotten quite some backlash just because furries play a role in one of my stories.
3729022 I'm for constructive criticism but comments like that are unacceptable!
3729079 ....Turn a flank to them ^~^
In my case as Lowell...a blank flank! FEAR MY ...rump xD
Sorry...Im a random fella
Let Granny Smith dun whack Ryan with her cane
3729074 your a brony and a furry.....FLUFFY BROHOOF
3729149 Yep. I sometimes post my stories on furry sites but sadly they almost never get viewed. Probably because they are non pornographic.
3729134 Thanks. Glad to see some people can appreciate a simple love story.
3729154 hehe I know.....my stories mostly are romance...comady and adventure
Sorry, I had to post again upon reading it for the second time.
It is better, but there's still big chunks. It should be like this:
The two paragraphs are seperate because they have two seperate subjects. The first is describing the apples in the sacks and the second is about applejack travelling to set up shop.
Also there are multiple spelling errors throughout. I'd suggest at least using something like ms word to spell check. But if you don't want to, find an editor to check the work before publishing.
I'll upvote because I like the premise.
Good job there, man. Just a quick detail: remember AJ's accent.
3729474 Thanks. And I tried.
3729349 Okay thanks. I try my best to proofread and edit but that's always been a weakspot of mine.
3729496 It's okay. Here, take my like and fav.
I haven't read a chapter yet, but I must say, this is the first time I've seen a description being made like this. You know what most would say, 'first impression counts'.
Give a bit more... "juicy" stuff, and I will bet it will attract more readers.
3729474 Thanks for liking!
3729100 Why?
3732590 cause canes fricking hurt
why...i dun know old people are dangerous with those things
3732708 Not Granny smith!
3733793 ...you never know with that mare
3733800 But Granny Smith and the sweetest elderly pony in Ponyville! She's only crazy around zap apple harvest season.
3735020 ..........im onto her ....old ponies are crafty
3735044
3737971 .......I KNEW SHE HAD A ROLE......in the case of the broken jar.....they called me crazy
3735044 Btw, I found a human model for Ryan! He looks like this, only he doesn't have facial hair and his head is buzzed cut.
3738482 .....now i can see why AJ liked looking into his eyes. O-O
3738509 Yep. ^^
3746447 x3
3738482
Dude, I'm straight, and even I find that man attractive.
3747391 thank you.
in all honesty, i was just looking up random male models on google to help me get an idea of what Ryan looked like.
3746504 So what do you think of the new chapter?
@w@.......I like how its goin
3750793 Really? Thanks.
3752453 Heh ^^
GREAT STORY
ONLY SOME DOUBTS
HUMAN ARE TREATED SO BAD FOR THE PONIES ARE ONLY A FEW O??
CELESTIA THE HATE (JUST CURIOUS)??
HAVE GOOD DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS WITH HUMAN AND CONTINENT Equestria???
OK GREETINGS
3762951 Well yeah that does happen. Just because two companies have good diplomatic relations doesn't mean the citizens themselves like each other.
write moar
3766586 Working on that.
Three words Ryan...... Stupid....Sexy...Applejack
quoted from Rainbow Dash I thinks >wx
Agreed and lovely story more
3841578 Agreed on what? And thank you.
3851583 I agreed with the comment below lime stupid sexy applejack
3851676 She's not stupid, she just has feelings for Ryan and has conflicting emotions about them.
3851698 someone must love Flanders
3851716 stupid sexy Flanders