Rainbow Dash Doesn't Present: Spoon Butt Tastes Bubblicious!

by ServingSpoon

Eres Ah Touchin Stoory!

(obligatory French guy): Two.. days.. Later..

With her Piñata bat sheathed like a mighty broad sword upon her back, Diamond Tiara then climbed from the deepest darkest cavern to the highest peak, fighting through fire and water until facing down the explosive chocolate milk flinging, boss; Discord,

"YOU SO WON'T PASS!" Diamond stands her ground with the bat in her hoof like a sword, as the mighty beast of chaos summons a fleet of chocolate and cotton candy rain clouds, to rain down upon the hapless mare and get her mane all wet and explody!

"YOOOOU-SOOOO-WON'T-PASS!!!"

Diamond proclaimed with the bat held high and hit the draconequus in the head with her trusty piñata bat, which she named Steve, for no apparent reason, and smote him upon the mountain side, effectively killing him.

“Ha ha, I have done it! Now to build my harem of mare’s that does not include Babs Seed!” she proclaimed triumphantly as she held her bat high.

"By the power of GRAY PONE.. I TOTALLY HAVE THE POWERRRRRR!!!"

Narrator: "Two bloody days ago.. Oi what doth thou want from us? Nightmare Moon gobbled theh Obligatory French Faggot Guy's back syide, soory about that ladies an gents.. *buuuurp*"

Silver awoke among a mess of unrecognizable pony she once knew as Blossomforth, now a disjointed pretzel before her. Silver on the other hoof was starting to feel like her favorite heroine Samus Aran in Morph Ball mode,

Narrator: "oo theh bloody, blazon, pony ell izat?!"

“I really need to get unstuck," Silver sighs "I still need to finish my homework before I can start up on my 17th chapter of 'Diamond x Babs Seed: Seed in You’, I should probably roll my way to the hospital”

Narrator: and soooo she bloody did.

not.

Ha Ha madest thou look!

so endeth the trick..

After what felt like five minutes, Silver Spoon finally untangled herself from Blossomforth, when suddenly a flash of light and thunder blew her back and Diamond Tiara stepped out of Doc Emmet Brown's Delorean Time Machine, finally having found her one true love and first edition to 'Tiara Warrior Princess's' harem.

"If you're going to steal a time machine, why not take one with like, a bit of style!!" Diamond Tiara laughed off her terrible crime, because she could be forgiven, because she was destined to kill Discord two days in the future, as was explained to her lover and the second most conceited mare in town; Mayor Mare, by Dr. Time Turner Whooves and was so amazingly almost happy she decided to buy Silver Spoonko senpai a half eaten cookie.

Narrator: Ahm so bleeding useless, an no pony luvs LUNA! Ah HAVE absolutely NO bucking IDEA WHAT TO DO with me everlasting miserable life! I would end it all, I would.. inah art beat, if ah could!" (narrator drinks another pint of ale to drown her sorrows)

“Wha? What is this voice that speaks to me?” Diamond Tiara questioned, looking around.

“No idea what to do? Wait, is that me? Maybe...this is a sign? That all my bullying should stop, and to be kinder to others. Maybe then...I’ll know what to do?”

Narrator: And some ponies say *hic*, dhat Diamon Tiarah's eart grew three sizes that day! Absflogin lovely!

With a smile of hope, and a song in her heart, Diamond forever changed and became a great pony…

She bought her special some pony the biggest Diamond Ring EVER in the history of Equestria or the universe and proposed to her on one knee with a giant diamond in the back of Applejackoff's Hasbro official made Pickup fu** Truck!

She married Silver Spoonko that very day. It was a shotgun wedding, sorta, since Applebloom was Diamond's drooling best mare and still had the rifle barrel inbeded apparently in her skull.

Silver Spoonko got to live out her dream at her Bacherlorette Party when Diamond paid Sweetie Belle Thrackerzod to be her lover's willing slave, as an engagement gift to her blushing gay gray bride in holy lesbianism matrimony.

Sweetie enjoyed so much serving, and was not at all manipulated by Mistress Silver Spoonko, that it was perfectly normal for a unicorn to accept dominance from a powerless mud pony as long as she had wealth and means to care for you, that she forever pledged her heart, soul and body to both her new masters respectively, in this world and the next, for all eternity, giving Diamond the second addition to her harem, and wetting her sexualy deviant palette to find more mares.. who were NOT Babs Seed, to add to her collection of-

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SEX SLAVES, YAY" the two out of three blank flanks proclaimed anxious to get their BDSM cutiemarks. All but Applebloom, who had little choice in the matter as her friends dragged the invalid mare into indentured servitude for the rest of her life

Narrator: ha ha jus a jest, no had we OUR way those two rich bitches would be OUR slaves for theh rest ah their miserable *hic* useless lives! Make theh bitches, powerless allicorns we would, like our niece Cadenza-somthing-ur-other! so they can suffer along with me for all bloody eternity! No no of course we would never do such ah thing.. but I BLOODY WOULD! You bloody watch me!

)

In the years to come, Warrior Princess Diamond treated her 'marem' slaves well, However, she could never resist throwing chocolate cake at Applebloom, it truly was her only vice.

So when a piece of her Germein chocolate wedding cake was carved for her new wife and handed gently to Silver Spoonko, Diamond begin grabbing chunks of cake and whipping them at the catatonic cowpony filly.

But Applebloom was okay.. eventually.. but she had to wait a few years, all two of them, for Dr. Silver Spoonko, world famous brain surgeon, to skillfully remove the aforementioned shot gun rifle from Applebloom's skull. Once freed from her cationic state Applebloom agreed to join Diamond's harem of her own free will, with Scootallo, Sweetie Belle Thrackerzod, Dinky Doo Hooves and Peperment Twist, Because Dr. Silver Spoonko really liked her red headed, curly maned, nurse's cute "meep meep meep" and adorable glasses.

Silver Spoonko never did make it to the hospital,

Narrator: Toldja so.. yeah bloody stuupid, brony, bhastards!

having instead married DT soon after she proposed that very day, but she did make the NBA. As a basketball. She got dunked on 374 times, and she liked it.

She even wrote a fan fic on fimfiction.net about her being dunked on called '3 Shades of Gray' that due to a tainted pint of Granny Smith's Moon-cider somehow turned into an incest clop fic, starring her Father; Platinum Spoonko, big sister; Octavia Spoonko, and herself, in between them.

She realized in her infinite brilliance that she might have deep seated, unresolved intimacy issues with her father who was too busy running their marefia family in Manehatten to really give his daughter the attention she needed in her teen years.

But that was before she retired from basketball and attended medical school in Canterlot because NO OTHER pony was smart enough to just pull the shot gun OUT of AB's head, which Dr. Silver Spoonko received a 'Bluebell Peace Prize' for, from none other then Princess 'Mother Buckin' Celestia herself!

And Babs found her special some pony in Manehatten's Rickers Island Prison. When she got out on an assault and B&E (Breaking and Entering) charge, she married the guard who liked to watch her on the toilet. She had grown to like him watching her and they had two lovely MUD PONY foals, one colt and one filly.

Mentally Advanced Luna: "and Dhey all lived appily eveh aftah! The End.. ere now.. well that was a rousing good stoory now wasn't it? We shall endeaveh to look foorward to reading thou another one!

Fare thee well, OUR LITTLE Ponies! (spits in bitter rebuke)

You can all suck me arse.. we ope you choke, we do!

BUCK IT ALL.. we're too bleeding old for this SHITE! (throws down her empty mug and vanishes with a *POIT*)

Fin

Author's Note:

Well originally I was going to say and Babs Seed died, because i really hate that mare in canon. But ever pony else got a happy..

SO BE IT!))

Comments

[Mattricole]

Well that happened.

[Bootsy Slickmane]

That was.... Well, that was just bizarre.

[SolidBlackPanda]

And...cue the brain explosion!

[Telaros]

She married Silver Spoonko that very day. It was a shotgun wedding, sorta, since Applebloom was Diamond's drooling best mare and still had the rifle barrel inbeded apparently in her skull.

It took a few seconds after reading it to fully process and digest that shotgun wedding despite knowing it was referring to AB having a shotgun still imbedded in her skull. And just as I told myself that was fully processed, I burst out in a good hearty laugh. Bravo.

Also, yes, Babs Seed is a backstabbing two-faced ignorant little w****, but it isn't like she probably actually hated SS and DT. I mean, Silver Spoonko ships the hell out of Diamond and Babs in her current and last 13 novels. It's only right to let her have a happy end with her toilet watching guard. So for that.

Well, this was a fantastic mindbuck. I'm a go brain my bleachers now. U Serving. You're much Spoon. wow. Really Serving.

[ServingSpoon]

3789251
Thanks. that means allot. Glad some pony feels the same way about how Babs Seed is originally written. Otherwise she is a fun character to play with.

And yeah. So her husband is a prison guard with a watersports fetish. The important thing is their happy and have two lovely foals.

But I bet Babs relishes the time she has when he is at work when she can take a shite and not have him staring at her

[ServingSpoon]

3795894
Excellent. thats JUST the kinna response I was provoking

[ServingSpoon]

3789172
And then explode again!

[PinkiePieOverlordOf All]

RIP a herd of ducks who died from the nuclear explosion of logic

[ServingSpoon]

3795930
They will like, be missed. (bows her head solemnly)

[Sandy Squirell]

ookkaaaayyy soooo this 'fanfic' is HILARIOUS and idk
it's just so awesome
+1 fav
:3

[GFTW]

I just want to comment on the story image. I want to say that it looks like a blue Crimson Chin :).

[ServingSpoon]

5438640 Thank you so much. I don't know why I saw such potential in the original but I did. And I am pleased with the result.

[ServingSpoon]

5492591 It is "The Tick" that wields the Silver pone and cries "SPOOOOOON!" when he is about to thrash a villain.

he has absolutely no baring on the story whatsoever accept to be entirely random and hold the supporting actress and love interest for the leading lady of this story who is obviously BLOSSOMFORTH

yeah no it Diamond Tiara made you look ah did!