All That Shimmers
Chapter 2: Busy Saturday
-ooooooo-
Well this is less than ideal. Though, admittedly, the criteria for ideal has changed a few times tonight.
First it was marching into my old dimension and establishing just what a great and fantastic ruler I could be. Then it was more making myself that ruler, regardless of how great or fantastic I was at it (Spoiler Alert: I wasn’t going to be either of those things).
Next it was simply getting through the night while establishing at least one person cared about me…hit a bit of a low point there.
At no point, however, was being held aloft in the sharp claws of my demon self ever a plus in any of those situations.
Hello.
My name is Sunset Shimmer and welcome to my cruddy life.
...Probably going to be a pretty short story by the looks of thing. I don’t think my demon self wants to shoot the breeze or play a relaxing game of chess with me. The fact that I’m now bleeding were her claws have cut into me is a pretty good indication there.
Also, there’s a chance I’m already dead. There’s not a ton of places that match the description of ‘barren, fiery wasteland’ that the living visit.
“Why, me!” the demon says, “I’m hurt…not as much as you are, mind you…I thought you’d be happy to see me.”
Turns out demon me is every bit as snarky as me. I’m beginning to see why I don’t have many friends.
“Wa… where am I?” I stammer out. Okay… I may be a bit more terrified here than I’m letting on…
“Silly Sunset Shimmer,” the demon coos, “I already told you! You’re home!”
I take another quick glance at my surroundings, “But…this isn’t Equestria!”
“You don’t say?” the demon replies as it smirks and raises it’s eyebrows.
Okay, that was a pretty dumb thing to say, admittedly.
“Sunset, Sunset,” the demon tut-tuts, “when has Equestria ever felt like your home?”
She has a point, well… eight digging into my flesh… but disregarding those, I never quite felt at ease back in pony land. Though, I just thought that was because it was pretty dang hard to find anyone I considered my equal. Still, this place isn’t exactly filling me with the ‘warm and fuzzies’.
The demon knits her brow at me, “Look, I can see this is a little hard for you to take in, so I’ll make it simple.” She flashes me a wicked smile full of dagger sized teeth, “Embrace me, and we can take over this pathetic planet, and, in another 30 moons, we can march on Equestria and make it our own!”
“I’ve had enough hugs for one night, thanks,” I force out through clenched teeth. YES! Still got it.
The demon frowns at me, “I’m not talking about that ridiculous friendship garbage you think is going to make you happy. I’m talking power, here. Unlimited power!” She says, smiling wide once more.
Maybe it’s the pain, or the likely unintentional reference, but I wince, “Thanks Emperor Palps, but I tried the whole demon thing and it didn’t work out so well. I’m going to have to pass.” This is probably going to end in a painful death, but I don’t really like myself very much at the moment so…
The demon pulls the side of her lip up into a grimace, “A pity. And I thought I could do us a favor and avoid having to break you down…”
I utter a painful, guttural sound as the demon tightens her grip. Her razor sharp claws cut to the bone and the point of her claws start to stab through my abdomen.
Well… At least I died doing what I love: snarking people I don’t like. And as much as I hate myself, boy, do I hate demon me.
The claws continue to tighten as blood soaks my clothes and then one manages to find a gap in my ribs. I’m guessing it also finds my heart, ‘cause I black out in a hurry.
I give a startled yelp as my eyes shoot open wide and I raise a palm to my head. My breathing starts out heavy and heaving like the engine of a train, my heart scratching against my chest with hard and painful thuds. Gradually, as both my breathing and heart-rate slow back down to normal, my mind snaps back to reality, where I'm alive, in one piece, and wearing the same PJs I went to bed with with the bonus that they're now soaked in a cold sweat.
Though, it's nice to be alive. I'm pretty surprised how relieving that feels. Sunlight is pouring in through the windows illuminating my bed, the light tan walls of the apartment, and me.
I quickly roll up my sleeves and follow this up by lifting my top up a bit to examine my stomach. I don’t seem to have any deep lacerations or puncture wounds that would indicate I just had a few major arteries and vital organs sliced up.
Was it really just a nightmare? But why did it feel so vivid? Why do I remember it so clearly? I really can’t just dismiss this… I’ll have to go back over my notes, probably dig deeper…
I throw the covers off me and frown. It seems I’ll need to do laundry if I don’t want to spend tonight in my sweat soaked sheets. Lovely.
Ulch…and I had been avoiding laundry day for so long on account of me thinking I wouldn’t need clothes for much longer.
First things, first. I hop out of bed, and walk barefoot out of the bedroom… “OUCH! SON OF A…” …and put my foot directly onto last year’s Fall Formal crown.
I glower at it and the mess I caused. I knew that tantrum would just mean more work for me. I move my foot over and push the mass of crowns away from my desk into the heaping pile of crushed first place ribbons, chipped plaques, and bent trophies. I then pull out the office chair in front of my wooden desk and start opening drawers. I also lean over and grab a couple books from a nearby bookshelf
Soon, my desk is full of scribbled notes I pour over as I scan the books, seeing if there was anything I missed.
Both books and notes have been in this world a very short period of time. The books I… uh… checked out of the Canterlot library. I didn’t really have long to sort out the whole ‘Element of Harmony’ thing when I came back to Equestria. I thought the crown would transform me into an alicorn…or whatever the human equivalent was. I didn’t think I’d go all Satan’s rule 63 counterpart on everyone. All I could really confirm is that the Element of Magic would unlock some hidden power within me. I was hoping for something a bit less… murdery.
Anyhow, my research here isn’t giving me anything else to work with, and I can’t just pop back into Equestria to grab more books.
Guess it’s the internet next, something I can do while I get my clothes and sheets in order. But, before all that, breakfast, and I might as well get a workout in. I'm a bit curious to see what the news has to say about the wrecked entrance to the school and the giant crater anyhow.
I manage to scrape enough milk and cereal together for a small breakfast. There’s not a lot to eat in the apartment, once again, didn’t think that’d be an issue for much longer. Dishes are also piling up. Sensing a pattern?
I put on a sports bra, a magenta tank top, an orange pair of shorts, and some tennis shoes and hit the workout room. Keeping pretty is a tad more involved in this world than Equestria. One doesn’t tend to spend as much time walking, for one. I’ve made it a habit to hit the treadmill while watching a little news.
The workout room consists of a few treadmills, a few more cardio workout machines, a couple of weight machines, some free-weights and a few flat screen TVs on the walls. It’s not much to look at other than that; the décor being little more than white walls and a full length mirror.
I step onto a treadmill, turn it on, and start jogging in place. I grab a TV remote that’s sitting on the machine and turn on the TV in front of me.
“…Investigators are still piecing together what happened at Canterlot High School…” Pay dirt. “…but experts are tentatively saying…” Natural gas explosion, come on natural gas explosion… “…that a meteorite…” DANGIT!
Wonder if that’ll stick or if they’ll come up with something different. I doubt any experts will suggest ‘rampaging demon’, unless one of them happens to be a priest… Anyhow, most of the rest is a few scattered interviews. Vice-Principal Luna makes up some boring story about hearing an explosion, wisely stating that it happened after the dance. She’s usually at the school pretty late, she’s a good choice for a cover-up.
Her murder plan is basically the same as her sisters. Not very inventive of me, but I always figured I could just start a nasty rumor regarding any number of students that routinely get to visit the ‘dungeon’ to be interrogated by the VP before the deed.
Anyhow, after a bit of a run and a bit of TV watching, I head back to my apartment.
Hmmm… Dishes or laundry? Ahhh…The wonderful choices one gets to make when they’re not a super-powerful demigod princess. Even being a demon is starting to seem like a better option at this point.
I opt to get the dishes out of the way then move on to making a few trips to the laundry room...
… And then it hits me… I have absolutely nothing clean to go outside in… ‘Evil and malicious demon queen of Equestria’ is starting to have a much nicer ring to it.
Let’s see, my choices are my sweaty gym clothes, my sweaty PJs, my torn up clothes from last night, or the clothes I was wearing the day before that; excluding all the other sets that have been marinating in dirty clothes darkness for several days, of course.
I wonder if traveling through dimensions has magic clothing cleaning powers? I open my hamper and fish out the top set of clothes and give them a quick sniff…No, traveling through dimensions does not magically clean whatever I’m wearing at the time.
Well, going to the laundry room gross and sweaty is probably a great way to stop guys from trying to chat with me… Ugh, but my appearance is one of the few things I still have going for me… guess it’s a shower and clothes from two days ago for me… At least the smell of already dirty clothes that have been sitting on top of my hamper might keep the men at bay…
I spend the next few hours surfing the internet on my laptop in between doing loads of laundry. The internet proves not to be a ton of help, sadly. There’s no shortages of female demons to learn about, and quite a few that have to do with sleeping and even harming people in their sleep, however they’re methods lineup with the symptoms of sleep apnea or sleep paralysis. Not so much slicing people up in their nightmares.
Also, I’m fairly certain Deady Cougar isn’t actually real…
I sigh. If only I could get back into Equestria to check a few books there, there’s no telling if the world has anything like what I turned into last night, but hopefully I can at least come up with something to combat it if I get the books to go over.
I make a note of a few books that might provide a bit more detail. Looks like it’s a trip to the mall for me. I need a new jacket anyhow.
I’m not opposed to getting the books digitally if it means I can get started immediately, but I’m still used to long nights studying spells surrounded by open books for cross referencing, and good tablets are expensive, I only have the one and my laptop.
You may be wondering how I can afford all this. I came here initially with little more than the saddlebags on my back and a pile of bits with a few gems here and there. Turns out those bits and gems were worth a hefty sum in this world. Not enough to live it up, but enough to get some necessities, some nice to haves, with plenty left over to get by on rent and food for a many, many moons.
In turn, this world has a few items that are rare and rather expensive in Equestria while being pretty easy to come by here. My last trip was at least fairly lucrative, if nothing else. I should be able to cruise by unemployed for another 30 moons until the portal is open again.
…Assuming this demon inside me isn’t real or I’m able to control it and it doesn’t kill me before then.
Let’s go look for those books, shall we?
I change into a fresh set of clothes and grab my tablet, throwing it into my handbag. It’s going to be a long, cold trip to the mall on public transit. Looks like a new jacket is step number one.
I continue to do a great job of avoiding social contact with anyone until I hit the boutique in the mall.
I walk in and immediately dive out back into the mall walkway.
Rarity. She just HAD to be at the mall today… Okay, well… it’s Saturday so that makes sense, but I don’t think I’m mentally prepared to deal with a reunion.
I glance inside again, keeping myself out of sight from the purple haired woman. She's chatting fashion with a woman behind the counter. There’s a perfect jacket replacement on display, too!
Man… it is so frickin’ cold outside! But I really want to avoid having to talk to anyone… I guess it’s the bookstore then…
I once again make my way down the mall walkway until…
“I just love malls! Don’t you love malls?!”
“Sure, Pinkie…”
Pinkie Pie and Applejack. Today is the day that just keeps on giving…
Pinkie Pie’s little death plan involves a firework mishap, Applejack’s an accident with some farm equipment. Occupational hazards are always a safe bet. Anyhow, I should make myself scarce…
“Oh there’s just so many stores to visit! And things to look at! Oooo! Oooo! We should hit the food court later!” Pinkie says.
“Sure, Pinkie…” Applejack replies in a somewhat bored tone.
They’re coming out of a store directly in front of me. I put on a panicked expression and dive into the nearest store. Uhhh… Which just so happens to be a toy store… I hope no one from school sees me… Well, at least those two aren’t likely to come in…
“Oooo! Toy store!” Pinkie says excitedly. “Let’s go in there next!”
OH, COME ON!
“Sure, Pinkie…”
Pinkie continues her endless prattling, “Did you know, contrary to popular belief, that a food court isn’t where food goes to stand trial for food crimes?!”
“Uh, Ah’m pretty sure only you thought that, Pinkie,” Applejack replies.
I make a break for the action figure aisle. Pinkie’s just about perfected the art of being super girly, there’s no way…
“OOOOO!” Pinkie exclaims excitedly, “I wonder if they have the new Mega Rangers figures in!”
I stare at the collection of box figures in front of me that all read ‘Mega Rangers’ and smack a palm against my face. Seriously… is it too late to return all the gifts today is giving me for a refund?
“Ah’m still not sure what you like about them tight wearin’ weirdoes.”
I dive out of the aisle and attempt to sneak around the back of another, making my way for the exit.
“D’uuuuh~,” Pinkie replies, “giant robots are awesome!”
I can practically hear Applejack roll her eyes as she says, “If ya say so…”
Point of order, Hayseed; giant robots are, in fact, awesome. Anyhow, I pull a Solid Snake and make my way out of the store, then put some much needed distance in between me and the toy store.
Come on…bookstore, bookstore, bookstore… I make it into the bookstore without running into anyone else.
Yes!
I make my way to the Religion/New Age section. Sadly, mall bookstores aren’t exactly known for their big sections on demonology. Shame really, if my internet research is anything to go by, they’re missing out.
“Uh…Hi, Sunset Shimmer…” a mousy voice says.
Why?!
I turn to look at Fluttershy, she’s noticeably less terrified than last night, though still visible pensive to be in my presence. I wish I had a bear or tiger or, more sensibly, a large angry dog to sick on her and make a clean break here, which, coincidentally, is also her murder plan.
I gave her a quick glare and whisper, “I was never here…” I do not want to be caught by anyone looking up books on magic, someone might get the wrong idea after last night.
“Erm…uh…okay…” Fluttershy says sheepishly.
I turn and…
“Heeeeeeey~ best frienemy!”
SON OF A…
“Oh, hi Pinkie Pie, hi Applejack,” Fluttershy says.
Trapped.
“Uh…Hey girls…” I say.
Don’t make note of the section I’m in, don’t make note of the section I’m in…
Applejack makes note of the section I’m in and looks at me with a raised eyebrow, “Doing some magic research?”
DANGIT!
“Uh…no I… just came for…” I grab a random book from the New Age section, “…THIS!”
Oh, please don’t be incriminating, please don’t be incriminating… I hold up the book in front of me and sneer at the title, “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment,” I practically spit out.
Applejack gives me a quizzical look.
“I didn’t know you were into Spiritualism, Sunset Shimmer…” Fluttershy says.
“Suuuure,” I reply trying to smile convincingly, “just uh… trying to get in touch with the inner me… uh… the good inner me, that is…” Smooth Sunset, real smooth…
Pinkie gasps loudly and her already wide smile grows wider. “I LOVE Spiritualism!” she cries.
“Oh?” I ask.
“Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” The bubbly pink teenager replies. She smiles wide at me, “I’m even getting into fortune telling!”
“Uh… fascinating…” I offer.
I take a quick glance at the bookshelf, none of the books I’m after appear to be here anyways. Sadly, I might be stuck with the book in my hands.
Applejack shakes her head, “Ah don’t see why you’re into this stuff, buncha mumbo-jumbo if ya ask me…”
Pinkie puts a pout on her face.
It’s my turn to cock an eye at Applejack, “Seriously? You had horse ears and a tail less than 24 hours ago and blasted a demon with the power of friendship, and you have trouble imagining magic is real?”
Applejack just glares at me.
Pinkie and Fluttershy start giggling.
“Well, that don’t mean this spiritual enlightenment or whatever is a thang, now does it?” Applejack shoots back at me.
I smile. “You’re right Applejack,” I say, as I put the book back, “it was probably a pretty silly book anyway…”
Applejack actually looks a little surprised that I put the book back so readily.
“A.J.,” Pinkie says in a chastising tone, “you shouldn’t just put down people’s beliefs like that!”
Wait… am I… am I not the bad guy here? This might be my chance to get in good with everyone…
“Uh, sorry Sunset Shimmer… I didn’t mean nothin’, I’m sure it’s a really interesting book…”
I’m not.
“No! It’s fine, not exactly what I was looking for anyways…” I say holding my palms out. “I’ll just pick something else out…” I scan the bookshelf again. Uh wow… there’s pretty much nothing here that’s not feel good, self-actualization or something that wouldn’t label me as an entry level dark magician. Not really interested in the former, and I don’t want the others to think I’m the later. Not after last night, anyways.
I turn back to the trio of girls with a smile, “You know what? I’m not really seeing anything else, uh… maybe I’ll just leave it for now.”
Fluttershy just looks at me blankly.
Applejack looks a little nervous oddly enough.
Pinkie looks crestfallen. “See what you did, A.J.?” she asks, motioning out to me. “Now she’s all nervous because you think she’s weird!”
“Ah didn’t say I thought she was weird!” Applejack insists.
I smile, “Well, I’m a unicorn from another dimension,” I remind them, “and that’s pretty weird.”
The three pause and look at me as if I just grew a horn out of my head that casts spells. Uhhh… maybe that wasn’t the best thing to…
“Pfft… HehehehehhehheHAHAHAHAHA…!”
All three burst into laughter. Jack-pot!
“Hehhehhehheh…Ya got me there, partner…” Applejack says.
“Hehehehehehe… See,” Pinkie exclaims, “she’s not so bad!”
Fluttershy just smiles and nods.
Pinkie Pie suddenly excitedly reaches out for my hands, “I think someone could use a Tarot reading~!” she sings out.
Applejack opens her mouth to say something, but then seems to think better of it.
“Tarot reading?” I ask.
Pinkie gasps, “You mean you’ve never heard of it?!”
I shake my head.
Pinkie beams at me, “Well, let Madame Pinkie Pie be the very first to take you on your maiden voyage of card based fortune telling!”
Fortune telling, again? I could probably do with some insight into my future, but I’m not sure if ADHD incarnate here is going to actually give me anything accurate…
“Sorry, but I have to…”
Pinkie once again looks crestfallen and opens her sky-blue eyes wide, giving me a puppy-dog look that even makes me a little jealous. Anyway, ‘I have to’ what, exactly? Look through this useless bookstore? Not buy a jacket because I don’t need any more awkward conversations? Go shopping for microwave dinners because I suck at cooking? I guess I can go home and begin my research, but I think I’d be passing up an opportunity to get in good on this friendship deal.
I smile and change my tone, “…You know what? I think I’d love a Tarot reading.”
Pinkie’s lips pull open wide, and I think I hear them make an actual ‘squee’ sound.
“Hurray!” she cries as she quickly heads towards the exit, holding one of my hands tightly. Applejack and Fluttershy just shrug and follow us.
Looks like I’m being kidnapped by the Friendship Express. Oh well, hopefully something good will come out of today…
You may want to put a period inside your parenthesis and start a new sentence on 'next'
I'm pretty sure you meant 'Mega'...
Glad you covered how she's been living for the last while. Neatly closed up a number of holes left by EQG.
I love the fact that she didn't do her laundry because "everything was going to go as planned!"
3852186
Fixed! Thanks!
Yeah, it was actually an idea someone gave me when they where suggesting what the deal was with Pinkie's magic wallet in The Wheel and the Butterfly, and I loved it (though, already had plans there).
Having her way con her way into getting money would be an option, but might be a little hard to swallow when she shows up in human land for the first time with nothing but the hair-turned-clothing on her back.
3852247 Yeah the gold coins and the gems Equestrians throw around with ease (well, best pony at any rate) would be worth A LOT here.
This is just getting more and more awesome. I'm also currently reading a story in which Sunset Shimmer graduates and goes back to Equestria. She mentions several times that it was hard to leave the others. I feel like these two stories could be canon with each other, and it makes me happy.
Ah, yes, the Harry Dresden method.
That probably wouldn't work. It is Flutters after all. Even the nerfed teen Fluttershy could probably avoid a mauling.
Hmm... Tarot might be interesting, and given the circumstances the Devil is gonna feature. Besides that, if I may offer a little advice, please do at least a little research into the methods of reading and card meanings. Outside the Major Arcana would be a treat, nobody remembers them, and you can get lots of fine shades of meaning.
3855168
I have a collection of decks and occasionally do readings myself.
Definitely would like to do something outside the major Acana at some point. Outside the obvious card to represent Sunset with, she could also be represented as the Page or Queen of wands.
3855180
Also, admittedly I doubt everyone of Sunset's murder plans necessary has a high degree of succeeding. Supposedly, she has a plan for almost everyone at her school, and probably a quite a bit of people at her apartment complex. It's doubtful they're all winners.
There's still some rough patches to the writing.
A few examples:
should be
Don't write out sound effects unless you're making a comic book, or alternatively, you're starting or ending a sentence with it. For example,
or
That's using a sound effect in a way that feels natural. Simple writing the onomatopia and then describing it is just silly.
should be
What you did was tell, instead of show. One of the most beloved forms of storytelling is to Show, Don't Tell. Don't tell the reader Sunset Shimmer is trying to calm her breathing; don't tell the reader Sunset felt hurt. Instead, show us how she's coming down from her terror, back into the warm embrace of reality. Readers don't need to be told things--especially obvious things. Just give us some pieces to work with and we can put the puzzle together ourselves.
Sunset Shimmer being into giant robots is cool by me, by the way. Though, honestly, I always felt she had a thing for wrestling, too.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-0MqjbmfWDRI/US5xXlzQCaI/AAAAAAABVwk/TAtRGsjs97I/s400/my-little-pony-blyszczace-kucyki-sunset-schimmer-figurka-b-iext21094807.jpg
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All in all, decent chapter and I'm interested to see where this is all headed. Keeping my fingers crossed for a The Exorcist reference!
3855414
I have pilfered and adjusted your suggested lines.
I also cut down on the line breaks since it seems they're a bit irksome to some.
Don't count on it Sunset. In fact before this is over you will probably get arrested and sent to jail for a night or two.
3863368
Well, It's not really anything she spends a lot of time actually humoring acting on. Hence why they're not super elaborate. It's more of a grim hobby of hers.
Anyhow, glad you enjoyed the first chapter, otherwise.
Edit: Also the corpses bit. You probably figured this out if you've read the second chapter, but she didn't really want to walk into Eqestria and lay waste to everything. She's being a bit snarky and sarcastic here for the benefit of keeping what little spirit she has up at the moment.
3863401 Fair enough.
And now that I've read the second chapter, some additional comments:
You're throwing in too much stuff from the real world here. One of my biggest pet peeves is people treating the EGverse as if it's Earth. It isn't. It's a parallel Equestria. So really, cut down on things like Freddy Krueger, A Clockwork Orange, and stuff like that.
Also, nitpick re: Rarity "working at the mall": We SAW the other Rarity's boutique in the movie, remember? Just like there's a parallel Sugar Cube Corner, there's also a parallel Carousel Boutique. Neither one are at any mall. If you wanted Rarity to just BE at the mall, that's fine, but it makes no sense for her to be working at the mall when she has her own shop.
Anyway, faving this for now to see where it goes, because this could be interesting. Not quite ready to upvote yet, but definitely watching.
3863592
I'll need to think about the boutique bit here. In the extras, someone who worked on the movie mention Rarity working in a boutique "at the mall", but now that you mention it and I've taken a closer look, the Boutique is more a standard clothing outlet.
I'll probably just adjust it since it's there. It's not exactly dire that she be working at that particular time, just so long as she's there preventing Sunset Shimmer from going into the store.
Ok I am severely confused here.
All these "murder plans" that Sunset Shimmer is having for all of them? Are these really her thoughts or is this just her demon self trying to take her over? I don't know what is going on here.
All in all, very interesting story.
I’m the later.
latter
I feel horrible for not thinking of this explanation. Especially since I read a sci-fi series as a kid with this as a major plot point. Now what was that series called anyway? Hmmm.
Weirdos?! AJ, you know nothing of their might!
Still not quite sold on your narration style. It just doesn't feel quite right.
Um, Sunset, you might want to avoid activities associated with the Demonic in your "situation".
Sunset's possible tarot cards:
Q swords
Devil
Death(now aint that ominous)
The Tower(see above)
The Empress
Night
4720730
I'm pretty sure the murder plans are things she came up with before she turned into a demon and her subsequent reformation and she's just thinking of them as side notes to meeting her new friends. That's how I see it anyway.
Veggie Tales presents: Ace Attorney! MAKE IT HAPPEN PEOPLE.
Delete the bold word.
That was great!
Not entirely convinced Fluttershy’s murder plan would be effective, Sunset. She might even know how to handle aggressive dogs without her Animal Whisperer skills.
8271401
Got this one! Thanks!
Hm. I can’t recall the last time I read a truly First Person story. It stands out quite a bit.
*where
You've been doing this a bunch. A dialogue tag involves a speaking verb. There is no speaking verb here, so that comma before the dialogue should be a period.
You accidentally doubled
8992067
yeah!!!
Eckhart Tolle. Interesting...
Do you mention spirituality as respect or mockery?