Griphyx, and Harry Potter, the last of the Potter family are lonely and want friends. In Equestria, Priness Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, Princess Luna, Goddess of the moon, and Nightmare Moon, all wish to have friends whom accept hem for them. As they make their wishes, they come true. Somewhere in the darkness, something stirs and it's up to our heroes, and friends they will make along the way, to stop it.
Chapter 3, and 4 have been edited.
Will undergo "improvement" so expect there to be posts of same chapters, as I have decided to "re-do" the story, even IF it is just remaking the Chapters but it will have a "Prologue".
Chapters (30)
Your story is good.
Oh, why thank you! It's my first one on here, and it has been in my head or a while!
You know, when someone can't even be bothered to check their spelling in the title, that gives me zero confidence in the story itself.
Uhh, you may want to fix that title there.
So you're trying to tell us that they were born from the same parents, yet they're only one month apart in age? How the hell does that even work? Were they twins and one of them was born prematurely? I mean, you do know that a human pregnancy takes nine months, right?
Also, I can't say I've met any nine-year-old kids who were over six feet tall.
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3903829
Reinforcing bad habits of an author is not as helpful as telling them the truth when something is wrong like here.
3914331 yeah....I think I will...
3914352 true kind of been thinking about rewriting some of the chapters. thank you for pointing out the flaws.
3914357 right. Starting to agree with you there.
3914327 Over powered character? Yes I do. reason as to why one should not write the first thing that comes to mind at 3:35 in the morning.
3915078
Well, at least you acknowledge criticism, unlike many authors I've met on here
3915103 Thank you. And I am actually asking for the criticism, to better my writing skills, as well as trying to make the chapters more enjoyable.
3914352 Right, though I was thinking twins, I have freaking cue when I said, "One month younger" than the other. I must not have been thinking at the time. Hm...yeah I'm going to change that. Thanks for pointing that out!
On the plus side, the lenght of the various chapters is really good, always try to be above 1k words per chapters. This lenght allow you to build the various characters interractions with the world or the others characters, and allow you to describe the world.
And read the writing guide ( and the part about correct paragraphing ), it's really helpfull.
3915265 Thank you, and I will.
This is... Let's just say I've seen better. I recommend you get some cover art and a profile picture so people can recognize you better. I probably won't read this due to the ratings it got, if they improve I will be back.
Scrolling through the comments... I'm rather impressed. You acknowledge criticism, and don't bathe in positive comments too much.
3929436 Why would I need to bath in the positives, when I can try to learn from mistakes?
3931584
Yeah, that's the kind of person who gets better at the things they do.
3934247 Thank you.
I'll just leave this here.
3915489 Mary Sue is the name for an overpowered female. It's not just overpowered though, it also indicates someone who can solve every problem they come across almost without trying, etc.
3966267 That link doesn't seem to be working.
3991320 Oh. Thank you for clearing that up, I honestly didn't know what it truly meant
ya know what I just relize.........I have favorited all of your stories. you are truley awsome in my books now.
4004910 Thank you. I feel glad knowing I am 'awesome'.
4004914 hmmm awsome seemed to fit this term oh I know!
QUICK!!! Somedragon find a dragon scale and dragon tooth STAT!!!!
SIR yes sir *runs as fast as he can* CRASH!.......I'm ok.
does he have a reference of what he want
*purrs* he pass the test. (see what I did there)
OH I got the dragon tooth...or teeth pending on how many he wants.
I'm beging to think that this is the reason to all those headaches I have to many personalities acting out.
4004928 Cool. And I did see what you did there. Clever.
4004940 I think I gotta call it a night I have school and everything though if I'm still up in an hour I'll come back and talk to ya everydragon is saying bye for now.
4004948 Okay then, though blowing up the comments probably isn't a good thing
4004951 yeah but oh well I guess we can talk to eacother on our homepage comment box.
4004956 I guess?
good chapter keep up the good work
4045733 I am trying to. Don't worry, all y stories -save Dragon's Reign- are being updated as usual, or at least I try to.
hmmmmmmm*stares at chapter* ...just what are you planning?
4059953 Stuff with the THINGS and *un comprehensible gibberish* Y'know?
4060334 yes I understand everything.
*stares at wrath* did you understand what he said?
nope * looks at green guy*did you get what he said?
*has a thoughtful understanding look* hhhhmmmmmm......hhhhhmmmm.hm.hm.....hmhm...hm*stares at Violet*hmmmmm?
I understand completely right blue?
eeeeyup.........where's Drago?
Meanwhile in a random room......,..
ooohhhh god what happen last night?*groans*
(Nightmare Moon) *yawns* morning handsome.
*everyone hears a manliness of all screams coming from somewhere in this brain*
well......that was random.........wonder what that was about?
it's really sad when the human can understand what the author just said and only a handful of you guys can understand.
4060444 I was quoting Bill Cosby
4060594 oh.......well then...........I see I have not gotten brain to work yet......oh well...........guess it's time to go buy a new one hhhmmm now the question is...whee does one need to go to get a new brain?
4061432 dunno?
4062337
4061432
the local morgue, hospital, or maybe the local zombies' supermarket.
4062505 That works!
Awesomeness keep it up
4062752 I am, I'm trying to give this story more attention.
4062864 how far are ya on next chapter bud???????/
4062877 Just starting.
4062505 hhmmmmm zombie supermarket sound great......now I need to check schedule for when I can go.
4063010 Pfftt!
just refeshed my feed and saw it when you uploaded i said yay lets start this reading party also good chapter
4063682 Thanks, and awesome. You my good person have earned a
