The dream world is filling with chaos that even Luna, the Princess of the Night, cannot control. However for some strange reason, Fluttershy is the only pony that can travel between the two worlds. But much to her horror, Zecora discovers that it is a link in Fluttershy's past that can either be the lock that'll save them, or the key to its release...
The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony must investigate Fluttershy's link to the mysterious force attacking the dream world before the chaos leaks all over Equestria!
* * * *
The characters in the cover image are all drawn by me :-)
This is my first piece, I hope you enjoy it.
Chapters (2)
I'm liking the story so far and looking forward to more chapters!
Although, there are a few minor problems, mostly with punctuation at the end of dialogue. When a character ends his/her line, be sure to add a period/exclamation point/question mark.
Also:
I'm pretty sure the town's name is supposed to be written Ponyville, not Pony Ville. And there should be a period instead of a comma
after "Fluttershy questioned".
One last thing, you might want to put indentations or leave a space in between new paraghraps. It makes it easier to read.
But, like I mentioned, those are minor stuff.
Keep up the good work!
3991229
I keep changing the form of this chapter every time I look at it ;-) there used to be a gap between every dialogue section e.g.
Thank you Leafall first of all for reading (yay :-D). I will go through it and change things so thank you for pointing it out for me
'... hope of reaching the forest clearing.
" Got to go home, go to save my friends," the words chanted from her lips....'
Thanks again :-D I'm glad you like my story
(oh and thanks for adding dreaming of empty chaos as a fav)
3991301
I know that feeling far too well...happens all the time.
Haha!
I'm glad my comment could help you!
3991527 Tada!
3996539
Yay!
(Sorry!)
I see you've fixed most of the stuff.
There are still some things, that I forgot to mention, or I didn't explain well, and those mistakes are still there...
First, let me give an example:
Now, if the dialogue actually ends, as in there is no "said Fluttershy", or something similar, do not put the comma there.
I can't really explain this too well, so let me show you:
Another example could be:
And now, the fix:
And with that I also fixed a couple of different mistakes.
And now, I see that you have a bit of a problem with where to put apostrophes. Try to work on that, look for the rules, and try to stick with them.
So, overall, you could maybe look for a proof-reader/pre-reader, or perhaps try teaching yourself.
But, like I said, the story has potential, and it could be even better without the mistakes!
Wow, this comment was long...
3996794 I don't mind long, it is useful
and now I see what you mean 
yeah sorry you had to explain it... again major whoopsy hehe
Thank you every pony!! 100 views hehe, wasn't even expecting that!!!!!
WHAT?! You NEVER feed a rabbit cabbage! It's too gassy for them!
3998047
I do an animal care course... 
you can feed it in proportion, and not all the time, flutters was trying to get angel to eat (same like you wouldn't feed loads of apple, carrot or a lot of banana its a treat) 
sorry, I will change it to something else. Didn't mean to upset :-(
3998047 I felt curious of your statement, so today at college I thought I'd complete more research from reading some scientific journals. I discovered cabbage can be fed to rabbits at room temperature and cut up into manageable sizes, obviously lettuce is a no no. Sorry I had to double check, I have still changed it.
Other than that,
was my story ok? :-S
3996794 Yet again, thank you
Fingers cross the next chapter should be finished soon 
This looks like it's going to be an interesting adventure for Flutters. Look forward to the next chapter.
4249150 thank you, I'm glad your enjoying it
4249691 I really like how the chapter ended with all eyes on Fluttershy. You can almost feel the panic building up in her.
4249697 I'm just adding the finishing touches the next chapter, and then edit it
but again thank you so much! 
More! Please!
4457240
thank you, oh and thank you for the watch 
Cool. STORY!
4457375
Thank you so much!!!!!
4457397 no problem!
4457410
oh and thanks for the fave too
I don't like this story, I love it!
Great job, especially for a first story!
But I guess I shouldn't be talking because I m writing my only story too...
4457425 no problem!
4457584
Thank you so muchhhh 
i'll have a look at your story too 
4457750
MOAR pls!
4460790 :-O! Thank you, should hopefully be quicker this time
4460924 o Kay......
4461350 :-)
4461364 :D
4461373
4466729 when well chapter 3 come out?
4466760
well I finish colllege in 2 weeks so I will start it then, 
next chap shouldnt take too long to write for what i got in mind 
4466785 :-O
4467858
sorry
4467921 wut.not that I'm happy that u we'll continue soon!
4468027 I'm glad your enjoying my story
4468183 We'll of course!i just give support to authors I like there story's!!!!!!
4468206 thank you!!