Hello, I write poetry fiction about ponies. Occasionally I may spit up some kind of story, but be prepared for poetry. Also note that I do go around randomly liking/following/favoriting. Enjoy! C:
Everyone thought King Sombra was dead. Or lost. Or lost and headed towards death. But for a pony with magic, it's not too hard just to teleport someplace else, out of the terrible snow and somewhere where light shines. Somehow King Sombra ends up teleporting to Ponyville, wanting to escape from his horrific past.
It turns out, the only way to get away from his bloodied path is through music - the last thing anypony was expecting.
{Everfree Northwest Writing Contest}
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Your premise is interesting, so that's good.
However, you may want to separate your paragraphs; either by putting an empty line between them or indenting. There were a few grammatical errors at the beginning, and it might behoove you to distinguish a character's thoughts, as opposed to exposition, either by italics or quotes.
But again, this has a chance to turn into something worthwhile.
Don't disappoint me.
4022058 Ooh, thank you! I'm going to go in and edit right about now, so thanks for the pointers!
Indent needed
I can't put my hoof on it, but that line seems off.
Indent needed, again
I feel it is best to put this in quotations and maybe center and italicize it. That way the reader knows it's Sombra singing. At least, I think it's him singing. Hard to tell.
In all, It was good, but some paragraphs seem like walls of text. Try breaking them up, perhaps?
Please note that for the time being I am going to have this story marked as Complete, as I am focusing on another one. I'd rather not put it on Hiatus, for my own reasons.
I'll be back soon to make this one better, promises to Celestia.
<3,
Poet