Am I still me?
In the mirror I can only see the face of the stranger. Whoever I met never saw the real me, all they could see was someone even I didn't know.
Am I still human?
Spreading my wings, I can soar through the sky like a bird, with just one thought I will turn my body into beautiful snow that will never melt. They told me that it was a gift, but I thought different, because each snowflake is my unshed tear.
Am I still alive?
This place is like a dream, but I still can't say if it is a an actual Dream or Nightmare. Unicorns and Pegasi, Magic and actual Divine Monarchs, I'm not sure anymore what is real and what is not.
If this is Hell, then I will break the Chains.
My sorrow is what makes me cry, my longing for home is what makes me shed these tears, I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold myself together.
If this is Heavens, then I will tear the Gates wide open.
Peace and Harmony, are what rules this place, Princess of the Sun and Princess of the Moon are thous who watch over this Kingdom. But this place is not my home, and never will be.
I will find my way Home.
Because, home is where the heart is.
{Currently being Edited by The Snide Sniper.}
A very intriguing long description.
Hmm, interesting. Judging by her character and the fact that she didn't appear to have any feeling of cold, I'll just assume she also wields the yuki yuki no mi/snow snow fruit. Great chapter, can't wait to see more. Keep goin and stay golden^^
Monet from One Piece? Looked after she explained that she had a t-shirt with text happy
Checks the end of the chapter: Yep Monet ^^ My Detective work is Perfect
"Sadie, did anything *burn*?"
was blessed -or cursed- with a very good memory (or) was blessed/cursed with a very good memory
From what I remembered the feeling was similar *to the feeling you get when a blade is pressed against your throat or when a gun is pointed to your head.*
organism -Body would work just fine here.
and *the* shock from that thing
but at least some feeling was coming back to my body (or) but at least parts of my body started to regain feeling
at some point *in* time
Pieces of... something were falling down from above *and* were hitting against the ground and big rocks that were around.
I couldn't clearly see what was behind the wall, but I was sure, that there was something. - Rearanged the sentance a little
or to the right *from a normal persons* perspective
like an upside-down test-tube with a metal cylinder inside, *but only half as thick*.
-Note Past or present tense, the switching is just confusing me. I won't correct any of the switchings from now-on, too troublesome.
Well, maybe *I'm* being a bit unfair
Whatever happened made the locals evacuate *while leaving me here*.
I *was never good at seeing the good in others.*
I *looked closer, trying to discern what the thing was made from*.
*sight* look, you are in DESPERATE need of a pre reader. Or at least look over your work!
I'm stopping here, can't bear to correct anymore.
Best of luck trying to fix this.
I REALLY like what you're trying to do, it's just that your far from where you need to be.
P.s WAY too much use of Italics, the emphasis is lost otherwise.
First off: your long description is dumb as hell; make a regular long description, not... whatever the hell you have now.
Secondly,
No, Monet, you're a logia. You are neither human nor your element, didn't Donflamingo or Vergo teach you this?
Why the fuck would you want to go back home? Donflamingo doesn't really care about you... at all.
Fluttershy better give her the stare if she gets out of line and say something like this, "Have you ever met a beast that you can guarantee won't bite you?"
...Then Spike does great dragon movement.
4290754
I have a feeling you're that one dislike up there.
4290767 Actually, I liked it.
4290770
Huh, okay than.
*shrug*
On a side not, you had said,
I see two things wrong with that.
One, you spelled first wrong.
Second, you didn't say anything after your first point, like...
See what I'm sayin'?
4290754 You do understand that she isn't actually Monet?
4290784 Damn spellcheck.
Thanks. 
4290797
Heh heh, it's fine.
Here to help anyways.
...that picture makes me think of Robin from One Piece if she were a harpy. Is that a bad thing?
Congrats on the feature.
She looks like one of those mutants from Maximum Ride
hack-work
oh...that's what she looks like...
Honestly, I was picturing the harpies from Dragon's Dogma...ugly things.
Two questions remain (but they will wait for later chapters):
Does she have the Devil's Fruit power? Probably yes, given her immunity to cold, but it's not yet fully confirmed.
How are Earth, One Piece world (not sure if they ever gave a name to the planet), and Equestria separated? Are they in different dimensions, or different parts of the same dimension? My current impression is that Earth is in a separate dimension, and that it is likely that Equestria is too.
Ok the Grammar Nazi in me is calling so I'll take care of this as I'm going along.
Edit: Warning there are a lot of edits in this and this post will be really long because of it. Skip it if you are not the author.
First, breath is a noun. Breathe is a verb and the act of taking in a breath. Therefore
(Italics removed from copy paste)
Should read
Also there are inconsistencies in the tense of the story. The story is written in past tense but there are pieces that use present or future. Example
Should read
The italics section does not make sense. It doesn't fit into the sentence and would need to be rewritten to make sense. I think I understood what you were going for but doesn't currently work as is.
Another example of a sentence that doesn't make sense as is:
This could be fixed by throwing in some commas and separating the sentences as well as fixing the tense to match. Possible fix by me
There's more but I'm just pointing out a few sections. There's especially a large issue with tense inconsistency now that I'm closely examining the story. You tend to accidentally go into present tense or use words that don't work with the overall past tense focus for the story such as the use of here instead of there or at the moment vs. at that moment quickly popped up.
Other errors (bold indicates added letters/replaced words. Strike tags used to indicate removal of that word. Parentheticals after the change are explanations of change if needed):
Ok half way through the chapter. Going to stop now unless requested otherwise. Also, I skipped a lot of repeat issues even in that first half.
Take a like, and a favorite; because you earned them both!.
To be completely honest, I like this more than the Black Knight. And I am a huge Type Moon fan, and I don't even keep up with One Piece (I know the character is obviously not the same as the One Piece one, but still...)
I am VERY excited to see where this story goes, thank you for making this
I swear to Celestia I faved as soon as I even read the dead! Bravo! Bootiful!
And featured! Congratulations!
4290512 Thank you, I try!
Just how? I mean:
I hope you'll soon guess more from Writing Progerss! so I will be able to post more stories!
4290560 Thank you and don't worry, more will come soon!
4290603 Please, at least look in the Writing Progerss!
4290724 Thank you for your assistance!
4290814 Alright...
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131112031447/onepiece/images/9/98/Monet_Anime_Infobox.png
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130514214311/onepiece/images/b/bc/Nico_Robin_Anime_Post_Timeskip_Infobox.png
They're nothing alike!
4291685 Thank you!
4291723 Well, if you're not counting the lack of arms and the bird-legs...
4291835
4291969 You mean this?
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131030161722/dragonsdogma/images/1/1b/Harpy.png
Well, I have only one thing to say about this type of Harpies...
Kill it! Kill it with fire!
4292062 Well, here:
1) It's kind of obvious that yes, she does.
2) Doctor Who's explanation.
4292417 Thank you for your help!
4292508 No problem!
4292527 I'm glad you like it!
4292574 Thank you!
4292967 I will do my best
, although I make no promises....
Read, enjoyed and faved.
More please.
I really like this story, though I have no idea what the characters are.
And I also found a lot of grammar and spelling errors.
This for example.
It's supposed to be 'quite'.
in the foreword in your story i found 2 mistakes
My sorrow is what makes me cry, my longing for home is what makes me shed this tears, I don't know how much time I will be able to hold myself together.
should be
My sorrow is what makes me cry, my longing for home is what makes me shed these tears, I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold myself together.
or
My sorrow is what makes me cry, my longing for home is what makes me shed this tear, I don't know how much longer I will be able to hold myself together.
sorry but such mistakes taeloads of your readers
Harpies o3o
In the description, you have the word 'pegasi' with a capital 'p'. That is incorrect. Pegasus, unicorn, earth pony... these are all races, just like human. 'Unicorn' is capitalized in your description, as is 'pegasus' in my previous sentence, but it's okay because they are the first words in their respective sentences. However, 'pegasi' in your description should not be capitalized for any reason.
Looking through some of your other works as well, in your blog post, you spelt 'progress' wrong, and in the short description for "We're Nakama!" you spelt the word 'loyalty' wrong.
In the short description for "The Black Knight", it looks to me like you were trying to spell the word 'praise' but you accidentally said 'prise'.
These are just the things I first noticed.
Keep up the good work! I want to see whether or not Sweetie Belle freaks out in fear.
4295157 she already freaked out in this chapter,
Faved, can't wait to see where this goes. Also, seriously, get someone to proofread your work, this was almost physically painful to read.
If you don't have anyone willing to, I will PM you the edited chapters if they show no future improvement, kay?
See the pinkie face? that means I'm not actually mad, despite what my keyboard says.
Interesting. Keep it up!
Hmmm... alternate title: "My Little Emo: Misery is Meh-gic".
Multiverse, stop sending whiny people to Equestria.
Send me. I'm awesome.
>>>*Crack*
Startled, I turned around and saw... a crack... in the air.>>>
Dammit, they opened the Pandorica again. The Silence are gonna be pissed.
allofthishashappenedbefore.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/bbc-time-of-the-doctor-crackin-wall.png
I give dis awsome story a 9 out of 10 derpys! :D
- PLZ MAKE MOAR
4296888 I would be pretty whiney too, if I randomly found myself in a lab, possibly experimented on, and have no idea where I am, and then be knocked unconscious and wake up to find my self even more lost.
All things considered, poor Sadie, is handling things better then most would.
4296951 Given the sheer number of bizarre and random events that seem to have happened to her, and then ending up in Equestria... as a harpy.. after falling through a crack in the sky which looks suspiciously like the one in Doctor Who...
This is one case where I'd assume I was in a coma having some really hyper-realistic fantasy until I did all the dream-tests to assure myself that somehow all this freaking weirdness was real.
4297100 The amount of pain that she felt kind of ruled out the 'This-is-a-Dream' version.
Hmm...
'Tears in the Snow' ay? Where have I heard that before?
4303834 Pure accident.
4303679 In which case I would assume I was being trolled by a whole bunch of ill-tempered gods who were seeing how much it took to break me.
Damn gods always trollin'.
*reads description of character*
So she kinda looks like that lady from one piece
*reads story*
Awesome-gasm
*sees pic at the end*
Fucking knew it
Great chapter, looking toward to more and if you want to I recommend going back and checking on some mistakes.
Read the other story and loved it, just like this one. Now all I have to do is wait for the update, the worst part...
~OreoKookie
I need an Update
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/But+i+want+it+now~+_5f66577810660b9de6c358a0c2b833f5.png
PLEASE
Update soon?
4296912 Allons-y, Alondro.
MORE CHAPTERS PLEASE
This story is interessting so far. At the part with the "happy" top I knew what character she is
Here's hoping this updates soon!
I only have one thing to say.
s2.quickmeme.com/img/a9/a960a0ac740d9b1e1a6250ec130b3ea4a7c0f2a79de6a058feb55eeaded97408.jpg
5629078 and I only have one thing to add
Can we have more to both fics quickly?