Fetch, who doesn't know anything about himself, wakes up in the outskirts of ponyville with nothing but a bag and a letter, What happen? Who gave him that letter? Where did it come from? Rarity, being the generous pony she is, helps him regain his memory, but what if its something that his mind wont let him remember? Something so dark that its been locked deep within his memories?
UPDATED: had to cancel this fic, i lost interest in this one. if i get any messages or comments from people that are interested in me continuing then i might
Chapters (1)
So, your very first fanfic? Congratulations, mate.
Your story idea sounds interesting, but you may want to go through and edit everything. I've noticed the story switches from past tense to present tense sometimes, several letters need capitalization, and you seem to be missing punctuation in multiple places. The sentences tend to be a bit choppy, and don't seem to flow very well, I'm afraid.
If you need help finding editors or proofreaders, there are groups here on Fimfiction you can join that can help you find them. I can send you the group's links if you're having trouble finding the groups. If you feel like a chapter's not ready to be published, you don't need to publish it after you've finished writing--you can just save the chapter and work on it later.
Try adding some more description into the story as well: What does Fetch look like? How did he feel when he found the note? Readers love a good story with vibrant details and descriptive vocabulary. Just don't overdo the descriptions.
I agree with Flarestorm. You have a great idea and it sounds really interesting so far! However there are a lot of things that need to be fixed. Here is a writing guide that will help! It literally has everything and anything you would want or need to know about writing! This has help me several times throughout my time here on FimFiction.net! I can't wait to read more! :D Writing Guide
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I will try and get better, and I was actually going to bring up the note in the second chapter. which I will work really hard before publishing.
thanks for the advice
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thanks for the guide bud! And I will try and get a proof reader as you said lol it will probably make my work more readable and likeable
Its good for a first fan fic but... I've got a question is fetch the same age as the CMC or is he the same age as the mane 6 except from that sunny world?
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omg sorry for the super long reply lol
to answer your question, he isn't the same age but his age is unknown and his height is a little bigger than regular ponies
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and oh ok thanks!
needs a little help, specifically tenses of verbs and such, but i enjoy it. One question, is fetch an OC or is he based off of anything?
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thanks, I wrote this to pretty much to test the waters on writing fan fics. To be honest, I don't see myself continuing this fic.
to answer your question, in a sense he IS a OC but i got him from irish Folklore. Since i couldn't come up with a OC i surfed the web looking for something i can use and while i was looking up folklores, myths, and monsters, i came across "fetch" which is "a supernatural double or apparition of a living person in Irish folklore" and according to the tale "sightings are regarded as omens, usually for impending death" . He wasn't born like a normal pony, hes a mixture of Changeling and pony. I wanted to tell more but this is as far as i can muster.