Rainbow Dash gets bitten by a rogue Vampony during a trip outside ponyville and quickly learns that, even with some help, life is going to get tougher
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 28th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Jan 6th, 2017
Fanged Rainbow
i like ponies ... and games...
Fanged Rainbow
Joined 28th Mar, 2014 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Fanged Rainbow · 4.5k words · 344 views
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Too short but thumbs up
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4150633 alright i will work on writing longer chapters, thank you
Interesting story, short but like it. Well a bit rushed, but well done.
And now:
this should be:
I haven't read it yet, but just looking at the miniscule word count on the two chapters here has me wondering if it's going to be worth it. Only one way to find out. Onwards!
:Read it, comment time:
Do you have a synopsis for this, or a timeline? I'd suggest assembling the plot and slicing it up into chapters at least 2000 words each, if not longer. It could also do well as a one-shot, but it seems like you want this to be more than that.
Once you have it outlined (if you don't already), take some time and write it out to read like a story you would enjoy reading yourself, then get a proofreader to check it out for you. The concept is great but your form could use some work.
Wishing you the best of luck,
DIDLS.
Reads Description:
Looks at Word Count:
Your story is going to get lots of comments complaining about the short word count. If all else fails, combine some of the chapters and give it a name that'll fit the criteria of the chapter, then you'll have a higher word count and it might stop the complaints.
When I read this story I'll give you more :U
I have to say it was too short especially for a story with an interesting plot start nonetheless it was a good story so far I can't wait to read more
But...if she had visitors...she wouldn't be the only occupant...
This...needs to be longer, it's too good to be kept short!
the newest chapter is twice the length as the first two, you happy now?
No they are still way to short
I like it
4154661 ...
4156079 Your chapters have doubled in size and he says they're still too short!?
they're a good length! for a beginner anyway...
4156079 uhh...you still need to read through the chapters after you've written them, they're a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes...
Yeah..at the end of dialogue you need "You need to put either a comma, full stop . or a ! / ? Depending on the characters tone of voice and what comes after the dialogue. If it's the sentence continues, put a comma. If it's the end of a sentence, put a full stop.
E.g.
"Well," he said, raising his glass "That escalated quickly, I mean that really got out of hand fast."
"I killed a guy."
"Yeah Jeff killed a guy!"
4158314 Fair enough, I will do a triple check and correct anything I see, thanks for the tip
4161741 Hey I got an idea! How about in one of your chapters you put vampire Cheerilee in your story? Huh It could be a good reference to the vampire Cheerilee series.
4253680
nice idea, I may do that
4257692 Please... no advertising
4258284 Oh sorry didn't me to upset you... but do you want to read it?
I bet ya there being lead by twilight
I think she would be pretty fucked up from crashing into a mountain at that kind of speed.
4262279 while she should be... she isn't because its my story and I say so, also please watch your language.
Their I transfer, What I want to see is more detail on the feeding scenes.
I have finished the next chapter, but I'm sorry to say I cant release it until my Proof-Reader has gone through it.
size=250
LOL
Holy -censored- that was the fastest chapter I have eve read! This needs so much work, I'm actually tempted to just rewrite the entire thing for you!
I could do that if you wanted me to, I swear.
4288174 please don't swear, but if you want to, send me a re-write, that's a challenge.
4150860 Rainbow dash, you're a wizard
4253680
4257429
I agree, there should be a vampire Cheerilee.
4294447
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRn2Mwt0YjNQvwSapSzP-yiMoEu0Vl0umRkuMw9UOWGaPcqdfas
As soon as I can be bothered
Edit: Sorry, by the way, didn't mean to be such an arse
4323147
Yes, I know, I've been told that like a million times
Here is a rewrite of the description and the first chapter
I'll write more later lol.
4327091 That's... impressive... Now i want to write something new with you as a proofreader/editor for the whole thing, after this of course. I'm impressed, your amazing
4328521
Lol, you're just being modest, I'm not anything. I just write what I feel fits. It's not like I'm a professional like some other writers on this site.
Plus I tend to be lazy
EVERY.FUCKING.STORY.ON THIS ENTIRE SITE. DOES NOT USE FUCK. WHY?
4333421 ... Language.
4333421
Bro, it's MLP, ponify the F word it becomes the B word. It fits, don't get angry over it. You want a story with swear words? Write your own.
4341555
I'm wondering, will you use the stuff I write in that google document? Not saying you should, I'm just asking if you were going to.
4347017 maybe... It's certainly going to help me though.
4347723
In what way? Are you planning to rewrite the story using the techniques I've demonstrated?
Edit: Would you like me to rewrite the rest of the story as well?
4357332 I'm going to use it's techniques to hopefully help me, and if you want you can rewrite the rest of it. I won't say no.
4362776
Well I'd just keep procrastinating, and I have other things to do, so I'll leave it as it is.
Good luck!
4257429 When will you do that?
4257429 I'm not going to for this story, but if I do a sequel I will, that's a promise.
Loved it! You should definitely do a sequel.
OMG DERPY
4153859 What I think Fanged Rainbow was trying to write, well let me write how I would put it.
Something like that.
4333421 Because pony slang. Hey, there are a few stories I've seen that drop the f-bomb! Like My Little Apprentice, My Roomates A Vampire, and all clop.
Gotta get use to it pal. Oh and before you complain, I realize you're being sarcastic. 
5465393 I don't remember them ever saying fuck in My Roommate is a Vampire.