The Rainboom happens as it should, and a few certain fillies earn their cutie marks because of it. Except little Pinkamena Diane Pie, who went inside before she could witness it. Thus, she never left the rock farm.
That meant she wasn't in Ponyville to throw that party that inspired a runaway colt named Cheese Sandwich.
However, the two end up meeting in adulthood, and the broke wanderer Cheese takes a job at the rock farm, and works alongside the grumpy Pinkamena and her family.
My take on an AU, created upon realizing that Cheese Sandwich was indirectly affected by the Sonic Rainboom. And in case you're wondering, the whole eternal night thing goes the same way as the show (except a different mare--whoever you imagine--wields the Element of Laughter).
100% approved and has been featured by Twilight's Library! (6/2/14--6/9/14)
Also, here's a TV Tropes page.
Cover art by me.
I enjoyed the story quite much, I like this idea that is about how Rainbow Dash's SRB didn't affect the others, causing a different future.
I wonder though, there must be a collection of these stories. I remember reading one long ago, in that Rainbow didn't do the SRB at all.
May I ask for a slight help?
About the story itself: well written and composed, depicts the young Pinkamena accurately. I do wonder, how this story turn out. Well, good job and good luck.
-Zeph
4177634 It's called "What if The Sonic Rainboom Never Happened?" Or something like that. I hope that helped.
I remember this picture, and thinking what an interesting concept it was! I'm glad the story is going to be written actually by you. I am adding this to my "read later" list.
4177634
There is actually quite a few stories with this story hook and while I won't list all of them here's 1 of them:
A minor variation
If you want to find more go dig trough the alternate universe stories.
I'm liking this
I like this story. I hope another chapter comes out soon. Best of luck with it.
Cheese probably doesn't, but I'm enjoying it immensely.
I love your attention to detail. The itchy mud encrusted legs and Cheese not being able to see much without his glasses among other things. I thought the trough was great too.
They better not have licked the wheels! Bwahahaha... I did wonder about that. Was their salt on it? Or they just like the taste of foreign dirt? Or they're just weirdo creeps?
The slow set-up has been wonderful. My only qualm is the use of color adjectives seems a bit patchy, but that's not always easy. Beyond that, your way of defining everyone has been magnificent and very subtle. I love your replacement for the Cakes. I don't know that they're necessary but they're just so nice, I can't complain one bit. I keep thinking Sugar Glider resembles Surprise though. No idea why.
I love this version of Pinkamena btw. I've seen it in about one other fic so far (then again I don't usually read Pinkamena stories. I'm not into horror, but I love what if AUs.) She's perfect. Direct, to the point, kind of sarcastic, very stern, but has a good heart. I also love your version of the Pie family in general and I'm glad you used their official names. (I don't mind fanon names, but I don't care for the most popular fanon names for them.)
And Cheese as an awkward, shy drifter is also great. He has scruples and problems and I love him. I also loved the two cutie marks you gave them. In general, I'm eager to read more. Please continue!
Sneaky Edit: The title makes me think of Futurama though. I consider that a side benefit.
this seems really interesting.
i wonder how your gonna pull this off.
and im also guessing that theirs a different element of laughter to.
The bones are of boulders former body before his spirit moved on to the rock.
I like the name of the town, and yes, I believe Trixie was hired out of pity. I hope though The family soon see Cheese as a part of it, so he can try to court Pinkie, but that is going to take a bit.
4190893 That's... an interesting theory...
4190893
I approve this head canon.
Now I must scamper away again.
Knew this would make me sad.
Well, if you have an event when cheese discovers how to work with rocks I say that comes first, or have an adventure with Limestone and Marble. Good chapter. I can't wait for the next one.
nice
Damn... I feel bad for Cheese...
*gives Cheese lots of hugs to cheer him up*
You have me in suspense. Gaahh. Gonna be so slow and so good. I'm chomping at the bit though... He's so sweet and she's so not enthused...
Yay! Update!
I love this story.
4177634 I think the one you are thinking of is A Slight Variation, but the difference between this story and that one is that all of The Mane 6 are still the elements only swapped.
Darn, I read the first chapter but forgot to add to my favorites!
At least I had 5 chapters to read!
Anyway, the story is developing well, I like everything in it.
I can also sense how things might happen between Mr. Sticks and Pinkamena.
So, go on, keep publishing chapters!
-Zeph
Just a question. Does this story have a planned ending? If so do they find their true selves or remain rock farmers? Or do I have to wait and see XD
Nice job, expanding the personalities of Cheese and Pinkie. I can't wait for the next chapter. Best of luck.
No, it's adorable. This is definitely my new favorite CheesePie fic. There's so much there--the characterization, for one thing. You've actually managed to make the Pie family at least somewhat likable. And of course Pinkie and Cheese are unbelievably sweet, especially Cheese. Was Pinkie's wistfulness about flying any reference to Surprise, by any chance?
I've always imagined that Cheese finds Pinkie's voice especially soothing, maybe because it isn't really at all. It's nice to know the reverse is true!
I didn't mention it before, but I also like the world-building involved in the town near the rock farm. There's just a whiff of the book Holes there, especially Cortland.
I'm very pleased you updated today. It was an unexpected treat. I hope more people discover this soon!
Hm nice filler chapter.
And it had an important part, the spark in Pinkamena!
Good, very good.
Go on!
He does have an amazing voice. This was cute. Rather short, but at least you're updating pretty quick to make up for that. Glad Pinkie is starting to find some small interest in him. Nice that she won't be the only one either.
I have added this story to my new recommendation group here.
I'm actually really upset that this story isn't more popular - it certainly deserves more attention. You've made your own alternate universe in a very intriguing and interesting way, which I like.
I wonder what the fate is of the other members in the Mane Six?
You're portraying the rock farm side of Pinkie very well but you're not making her completely depressed - what with her local visiting the candy shop. It's a shame she never got the Cutie Mark we know and love but I'm hoping that Cheese Sandwich will fill her heart up with sunshine.
(Yes, I am indeed listening to The Smile Song while reading this - it sets a great bittersweet mood for the story!)
I kind of regret skipping past this fic the first few times I saw it, but when I ran across it again today, I figured why not and I am very delighted with what I've read so far.
Keep trekking on, bud. I'll be eagerly waiting for the next chapter.
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
And have a thumb to go with it
Twilight's Library! WHOO HOO!
I had my fingers crossed the whole time
4249095
Eeping thank you!
4249483
You're very welcome
Nice chapter. I can't wait for the next chapter. I hope cheese helps the Pie sisters out in that fight.
Cheese, you can take him! Don't be afraid!
Tall mare is best mare!
Also, very pleased that Maud and Pinkie had each others backs.
Sorry, not much to add. I'm intrigued by where this is going.
This shall be interesting.
Also, confusing for the dogs, since they thought that Cheese is a mare.
Okay, maybe I'm just a tiiiny bit perverted. x)
-Zeph
Oooh getting interesting! Can't wait for the next chapter.
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg
This was a nice chapter. I liked how the two families want to find a way for Coltand to stop going for Pinkie. I hope cheese is alright though.
Good chapter as always. I felt so bad for Cheese loosing his glasses; I know how he feels. I'm blind without mine too. Poor guy can't catch a break!
On a technical note, I wanted to point out something I just noticed. You used several said-isms throughout the chapter. You tagged on words like asked/ said/ replied/ muttered after the dialogue. These aren't necessary, as it is implied in the dialogue, and professional authors never use them. I've had to work to eliminate them from my stories as well. Sorry for bringing that up, but it just became a little distracting this time around. Still, I love your story and can't wait to read more
This was a well made chapter, the fight scene was good as well.
I find it surprising how little Igneous cares about these dangerous situations, or at least, how little he show it.
It is also showing how Pinkamena develops feelings towards Cheese.. but she still has a great road before her.
About Cheese: well, in this chapter he did nothing I could give advice about... maybe that he should think through his plans.
He will get in trouble.
-Zeph
Another fine chapter. I've been really anticipating the next one since I caught up a day or two ago, and you didn't disappoint.
Soooooo... I have one simple question: What are Pinkie Pie (in this case, Pinkamena) and Cheese's cutie marks? They're certainly not foals anymore.
4290428 Pinkamena's is a brown rock and two gray rocks (patterned after Main 'Verse Pinkie's balloons), and Cheese's is just a bunch of hoofprints. They were mentioned in the first chapter.
4290474 Oh.. But I don't understand the hoof prints thing, I thought they were just marks or injuries.
4295026 The hoofprints mean he's a traveller. That's what I got when I stripped the 'party pony' from him.
I think that's a good habit actually. Better a well thought out update than a rushed one. Speaking of which, it's amazing that you manage to update this so quickly without sacrificing quality.
4295049
He's amazing at marathons.
And update!
It was about time!
Well anyway, she hmmed what Cheese was singing, no?
Nevertheless, I would appreciate if you published chapters more often... once a week is nothing. :/
-Zeph
Sauerkraut, eh?
I've been thinking for some time that your Cheese is so wily that he's beginning to remind me of Ulysses. That's a particularly clever talent for a non-party ponied Cheese: still the same survival skills and ability to think quickly.
(Also, geez, one chapter a week seems like plenty for anyone who has to do a lot of other things! I could never manage to update more than once a week.)
EDIT: WOOOO FEATURE BOX!