When all you've known is hardship and sorrow, what could possibly turn you into a shield for others?
An orphaned pegasus named Starshot will learn a single smiling face can turn you from an outcast into a protector of all.
Edited by night-feather and is now MUCH easier to read
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Would you like me to write you a copy of this chapter with no spelling mistakes/grammatical errors/format issues in it for you? I'd list them for your correction, but there are too many. c:
sure, i used google docs to edit it but its not all that reliable, plus ill admit now i had to get the story written in a few days as a bet with my GF :/
I like
You should keep going, just so I can see where this is going, Cliffhanger got me stuck.
Errors yes but I'll ignore them for the time being
i would realy apreciate any more feedback you guys could give, this was my first attempt at a story and im still unsure as to if i should continue it
I'm still editing it for you, and I'll email it to you if you like. Long story short, this is a hell of a challenge to edit, but the more I look at all the finer details, the more I appreciate the story and become attached to the characters. Keep writing!
Thanks dude :D
i have to admit, the charictors hold a special place with me, Starshot/Lucky break is my pony persona and he seems to keep evolving every day. and my GF tells me she cried at Sunspots fate..im not sure if she was trolling me on that to be fair though, she kinda does that alot lol
Still, i apreciate all you guys feedback so im going to try to carry the story on..plus my GF told me she will, and i quote, murder me if i dont finnish the story lol
Amazing story so far! I can't wait to see what you add on to it, and if you need help with the grammar I will be more than happy to help with it!
409458 thanks man :D i have to credit night-feather, she did the editing and realy polished up the story from the original mess itt was
409466Well you two as a team totally rocked it! I honestly can't wait for more!
This is great
Keep up the damn good work!
413844 ok i got a stupid grin i cant get rid of now :D
Thanks for the comment :D
Well, it seems you won the bet!
414385 lol good point :D now i must troll her for all im worth, *happy grin* i may love and tolerate as a brony but paybacks gonna be sweet :D
Purely great. Gets better with every chapter.
omg now my better half says i should make Starshot a sky archon after reading chapter 3's rough draft behind my back.. i refuse to steal ideas like that..would be cool though. i get the feeling Winter sky and storm wing would beat Starshots flank bloody to get him to straighten up and train properly though...
Winter Sky: rookie, you will learn that no archeon is above training the basics
Starshot: Ive been fighting for years, i dont need to
Storm Wing: Taser hoof!
Hmmmm... I haven't had much chance but to give it a once over thanks to time constraints, but I can already tell this has a lot of potential.
You'd do well with a proofreader. That much is clear. :3 Find a good one and love him, keep him, pet him, and call him George.
After that, you're going to need to work on your pacing. It went from start of day to top of the world to bottom of the barrel. I'll give it a better glance when I have time but now I have to get to work!
435856
, i agree i need to flesh it out a bit and work on the pacing.
ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh cards read my fic????
The loverly Night-feather is doing the editing for me and is doing an awesome job
TBH i have no idea where the story is going, i just get a random thought and end up writing 2k words :/
I find myself writing just to find out what will happen, its kind of taken on a life of its own lol
*crys* poor Sunspot. that filly was so sweet. and what happened to Starshot? i cant stop thinking about the poor thing
wow, although this fiction is not the best written ive seen, it brings out alot of emotion, last chapter i cried, this one a fell in love with the simple adorable Summer Breeze, i love how your ponys keep their own personalitys no matter what happens. but seriously, why do you have to hurt Starshot so much?
504646 wait a minute...i know who this is! darn it tracy stop trying to make my bad writing sound better than it is!
sorry folks, its my GF. she likes the fic and loves doing this kind of thing
Oooo *braces for next chapter*
You have my track. So much suspense! Please keep writing.
NEED MOARRRR.
You have the potential of good writer here,and don't let anyone else tell you elsewise.
What A TWEEST.
So have a Moustache.
Well I'm hooked.
Welcome to the Sky Archons.
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OR
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So Awesome!!! I can't wait for more of this story. P.S. thx for mentioning this story in a comment, somewhere, I forget where you mentioned it. If you hadn't, I never would have found it. Keep it coming.
Teach me how to kill a dragon. Win.
Love that Firewall made a appearance in this chapter.
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Best chapter so far, though, I like the original cover art better. The new one seems... awkward.
Aside from that, keep up the awesome work.
just want to take a moment to thank Cardslafter for allowing a noob writer like me to borrow his awesome OC ponies, Firewall is so fun to write for!
Also thanks to the people who actually read my bad writing and enjoy it, you guys rock
best chapter so far, Starshot is such a good oc becasue he may be powerful but hes very vunrable. poor guy tries soooo hard
in short
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T_T
So sad.
Dang Star brutal much cant wait for the next chapter
Interesting.
So... Starshot and page... bucked. In all reality, I'd like a gf with page's personality. Smart, funny, wears glasses, and loyal. I would, however, like her to be committed to waiting until after getting married to go that far. On a related note, Starshot's sadistic side is really firetrucked up. can't wait for the update.
yep, his darker half, or psycoshot as one prereader dubbed him is seriously messed up. closer to the source of starshots power and more closely bound to Alganon, hes alot stronger than starshot.
Well the poor buck was far too shy to ask me, so i had to make the first move.
seriously though, i never expected to see the nice guy Starshot turn into a brutal, sadistic monster!
i demand an update or an explanation!
Aw come on! He JUST gained that power and Celestia seals it away, bad-bad choice. I think she is afraid that a ordinary pony could overtake her at any moment. If it was me, I would turn tail as soon Celestia said she wants to take it away- not roll over and die
I suspect Page is going to have a nice 'I told you so' moment later on in the plot...
yay. Orion!
Me gusta.
1714183 personally i agree, but starshot is very dedicated to helping everypony but himself. if he thought it would be in the best interest of somepony he would cut his leg off lol
I kinda figured that Page was pregnant. It's a nice twist, and a good reason to continue fighting. Keep it coming.
Toolkit~
Sadly if this was me, as soon as celestia would have said she was going to take the magic away I would have killed her.
I am very possessive, almost to the point of a dragon... Perhaps that's why they're my favorite mythical beast.
Anyways this is just me. Just like how I'm as likely to save someone's life as I am to eat my own species just because I wonder what it tastes like...
I just realized I think I'm insane... Just a little. I guess the only things stopping me from doing that is my own morels imposed upon me for living in a cultured life...
Oh also this was a good story.