5000 years ago, the alicorns invaded the planet for the first time. 1000 years ago, the celestial alicorn sisters staked their claim over the pony tribes. Then the Everfree burned, and now the Empress of Equestria rules alone. Celestia may reign, but she does not rest, for ever are there terrors lurking: Things great, ancient, and inapproachable, older than the alicorns.
It is an age of great advancements in Equestria. Gunpowder, oceanic trade, and new ideologies have shifted the balance of power and pony attitudes to the powers that be. The alicorn ordained hierarchy is challenged daily, as bitterness grow between the insecure knights and nobles, and the resentful burghers and commoners. Though many speak as though as if the Equestrian universal peace is already a dead letter, desperate reformers fight their own battle to preserve their princess's empire.
But it is not by mortal striving alone that the wheel of history is turned. The supernatural adversaries of Celestia's reign have returned at last, to conquer ponykind for themselves. Nightmares return to stalk under moonlit skies, but they are just the first and do not even bear the deepest grudge.
In an age of growing crisis, will the ponies be found wanting? Will the princess herself be found wanting? Will naked ambition, arrogance, and evil shatter the very concord of the tribes? It is a fraught time to live, where the pony world faces both peril and possibility. The ponies, the alicorns, the monsters- all have but one goal, to survive and see the world remade to their desires.
Twilight Velvet has lived in this changing world long enough to despise it, while Twilight Sparkle is just coming of age in it. Shining Armor thought he found his place but discovers all is not as it seems. This pony family, divided by duty, may effect the world more than the even their alicorn sovereign, if they can survive being close to power. Surely fighting ponies and monsters alike is worth it when there is a nation and a future to win.
Author's warnings: This story has many original characters, a fairly complex plot and lore, and is very long. A story that started as me trying to write Game of Thrones with MLP ponies has grown up with me and has come to include many of my interests in political philosophy and history. I'm committed to finishing it before taking what I learned and writing this story in its own setting, however long that takes.
This is really good
I'm loving Twilight Velvet and all of the political intrigue that's starting to really crop up. Keep up the great work!
What does ASOIAF stand for?
Seems quite good! I´ll give it a look later, when I am done with A Dream of Dawn
Spectacular story. Good work.. keep it up. Also, I'd like it if you critique mine? Yours is a bit inspiring.
Aww I was hoping to see more interaction and character building between Nightmare and Twilight.
4777823 The conclusion of the pact was just for that particular night. Twilight can expect to return to the dreamscape the next, and every subsequent night, until she finds a way to destroy or stop the altar.
So, yeah more Twilight & NNM interaction and, spoilers: M6 & NNM interaction.
4779897 YAY!
That was hilarious.
Oh my.
Why does this only have 19 upvotes?
4543210
A Song Of Ice And Fire; if I'm not mistaken it's the series that A Game Of Thrones is the first part.
SpiritDutch, I like your story; it has a great deal of intrigue and chronic backstabbing disorder. You might want to get a proofreader, though; there are a number of misused words that a spellchecker would not catch as well as misspellings that detract from the story itself.
4808940 Depending on how far into the story you are, you ain't seen even half of the backstabbing. I'm basically beating the reader over the head with displays of how contrary to the Elements of Harmony everypony is, and why their society is doomed to fail.
On the point of a proofreader, I don't really know where to ask. I try to do it myself, reading and editing dozens of times, but I get sloppy on occasion I'll admit.
Thanks for your comment!
I just want to see more of the Twilighjt/Nightmare Moon chappies.
So, I'm guessing that Twilght's interaction with Nightmare Moon is form a Pact for one night, and continuing until Nightmare Moon no longer has a use for Twilight save as a corporeal focus for her spirit's return to Equestria.
"Docking Bay 94." "94."
your going at a reasonable pace, also you need a reason for somepony to die.
I'm starting to wonder if the opera scene was completely necessary, so I rewrote it to provided a bit more closure between the two characters.
its a very interesting story i am liking it so far. ^_^ very underrated.
its not that your story is bad. its more along the lines of bad luck. it was random chance that i found this story. maybe you should offer your story to a group dedicated to underrated stories? i know there is one i just can not remember its name off hand.
good job. another lovely chapter. ^_^
another good chapter. keep up the good work. ^_^
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
i bet. when i used to RP it was very hard for me to play more than one character. since i can only spit my personality so many ways. a very good chapter here. am still holding out for a good ending. keep up the great work. ^_^
another very well written chapter.
another good chapter written. keep up the good work!
I hope it will all work out. There are people who like a feel bad story, but not me. Yet I find myself writing one. I really want the characters I like to be happy. I don't want them to suffer or cry. What kind of a sick, demented person would make the characters suffer?
Does it make you feel good to toy around with a life like that? Sure its not a real life, but you're hurting the idea of a person. Does the power please you? You like hurting those you don't like, huh? or even those you do like, huh? Is this your way of showing affection? Hmm, you'd like to hurt me, wouldn't you. It wouldn't be in malice, just your way of showing you care. Perhaps its the only way you can.
very interesting path you are taking so far i wonder how this will all work out? can not wait for the next chapter. ^_^
5134600 I'm curious what path you though it would take. I'm just doing whatever makes the most sense to me.
5134611 not sure at this point. i know what i want or maybe need but not what you will do. ^_^
lets just say i hope for a happy ending but by no means will i stop reading or even hate your story if i do not get what i want. i am an adult i know you can not always get what you want. plus i do not wish to dictate what another person can and will create.
I said the word 'Celestia' 109 times in this chapter. That's about 2%, compromising every 50th word.
Another good chapter well written for the most part. as said before very under rated.
5147935 For the most part?
Oh dear, I'm I too eager to rush this out, sacrificing quality?
Well, I'm going back and fixed the parade of spelling errors. Maybe now I won't be such a huge disappointment to my parents.
Just Kidding! (About the disappointment part. I really did fix most everything.)
Thanks for your feedback.
Oh wow. That ended poorly for everybody.
Luna was ended shockingly quickly. You were broadcasting Celestia's fate pretty loudly, but with Luna it came right out of left field. Please tell me you won't end it for her like that.
I get it's a Morrowind reference, but your chapter titles are confusing.
5134429 That's too bad.
It's a bit weird how much you mix ponies having their plans realized and being foiled. I guess it's not unrealistic (the best laid plans of mice and men, and all that), but definitely a little bit jarring. Also I'd recommend you delete your authors note and reveal that in the story.
I hope you make something of the obscene amount of ranting world build you'r doing in the world outside of Equestria.
5179627 Wow, lots of comments. I'm having a hard time telling if you like the story or not.
i do not think luna is dead my self. she is the embodiment of the moon and the moon is still there.... whether she comes back the same is an entirely different question.
As for your question in the Author's Note i would say give it a try. i will tell you if it turns out bad or not. do not think it will but you never know.
5179819 It's... nice.
But really, would I keep reading and commenting if it didn't like it? It needs work, though. Feels like a first draft.
5179828 Brutally honest criticism there. Maybe you'd like to edit for me.
I assume you read that I'll be doing some rewriting of the older stuff. I started as an objective oriented writer in this story, and now I'm not so sure. I have an ending and some points along the way, but otherwise the plot is just kinda gunna grow on it's own.
Wow.
5179842 No thanks on the editing.
I think is was GRRM who said authors are either gardeners or librarians either structuring or pruning their narratives. You sound half and half. Look forward to seeing more. But please change your author's notes,they suck.
Wow.
5183190 I know I asked for it but I think you could be a little nicer. The writer is always the one who's the hardest on what they've written.
And yes, I know I'm not good at subtlety.
"Oh, I hope you like metaphors, because I'm going to ram it down your throat." It goes about as well as an oversized supertanker in the Panama Canal. Wet, forced, lots of holes, and nobody is happy cleaning up the mess.
Things I've learned since I started writing this fic:
The difference between where and were.
What a 'plot' is
The meaning of 'nonplussed'
How to spell
How to be lazy in descriptions
Phrasing
What 'foreshadowing' is
Say what you will about the virtues of writing ponyfics, but I'm learning the English language all over again.
So Twilight's soul has been split in half, or her soul was split when she fled to Nightmare Moon in space, and now there are two Twilight's, the one that is innocent and untainted by the events involved in her origional death, and the one that is Completely changed by the events and semi undead.
This is Forlorn Spark, nightmare with memories of Twilight Sparkle but without her soul, which fled to Moon (and Twilight had no reason to leave pieces of her soul behind). Spark was mindraped by Celestia into thinking she is nice and innocent Twilight Sparkle.
I wonder what will happen if that mindrape gets cancelled partially or completely... Even if it doesn't happen, having memories of being all nice and good doesn't necessarily translate into actually being nice and good. It's entirely possible that Spark's actual personality will force her to behave wildly different to what she remembers of herself despite all her efforts. Or the differences will be subtle yet alarming, making her question herself and become more paranoid with every day, at some point making the correct conclusion that she has been mindraped, following with wrong conclusion about probable perpetrators and their reasoning.
Much potential for all kinds of plot twists here, considering she still has full power of Forlorn Spark at her beck and call.
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Great story overall, I have no idea why it's so unpopular. Maybe it's because of horrible cover image? I cringe every time I see it.
5201555 I changed the cover art, just for you. I kinda liked the one I had, in the way a mother likes their ugly child, but I traded in that child for a Muscle Car. We'll see how much of a difference that makes.
i really like the new cover image. ^_^
I hope I'm not unnecessarily obfuscating things with my narrative order.