Three young girls from Canterlot High are on a mission to make a viral video hit. The task is more daunting than they thought, and it seems like the golden apple of celebrityhood is always just out of reach, but if they gave up that easily, then they wouldn't be worthy of calling themselves the VIRAL VIDEO VOAYGERS!
Set in the Equestria Girls universe.
I love the meta humor here.
My librarian would send me to the principal's office if I put something like that on.
That reminds me, of this time, my brother, he was watching an 80's movie with fire in the background.
"This is so fake! The graphics are terrible!"
"Maybe because the fire's real?"
XD Oh my god.
Only problem with the lyric videos is that nobody gives a fuck about who made it, and don't really care about the video.
[All Star Intensifies]
Hehehe... The ending was kinda mean, but I liked that the little reality check regarding how viral videos worked.
You had a good idea for a story here. Unfortunately, the execution is really, really bad.
Here are some highlights:
I'd suggest removing the snippet of song lyrics. Especially since you used the part of the line the Equestria Girls movie tactfully avoided. Humans don't have cutie marks.
Missing a word there in that second sentence? Also, tone it down with the exclamation points.
Some punctuation problems here. And throughout this entire thing, actually. Also, the entire "what are Cutie Marks" conversation is stupid. It doesn't really work, and it isn't necessary for the story's humor.
I think you meant Cheese Sandwich.
For that matter, why are you referring to so many real-world things directly, in an Equestria Girls story? Because Equestria Girls isn't set in the real world. It doesn't make sense. That's my biggest pet peeve with Equestria Girls stories. Writers who lack the creativity to ADAPT CULTURAL REFERENCES to fit the universe.
So yeah, you get an A- for the story concept, but a solid F for the actual story.
4267427 they had to have been singing some words in those "gaps" in the song. One purpose of fanfiction is to try and explain unanswered questions from the canon. Saying that EG isn't the real world makes things more confusing, not less - how do they have cars, phones, and computers without Ford, Bell, and Jobs? Did you notice we didn't see Dr Whooves, Photo Finish, or anypony else based on a real person? The inclusion of "Cheese Sandwich" would complicate things immensely, since he isn't a songwriter. My headcanon is that Canterlot High is located in a small town in California where people have a strange obsession with horses, if that's not the case I'll remember it going forward.
Maybe I wasn't creative enough to make this more allegorical, but I used real world references because the material is so obscure that I thought it would confuse people to try and ponify everything.
4273564
Equestria Girls fics are kinda weird like that. On one hand it makes sense to use some good ol' earth references so the audience will get the joke. On the other, everyone clearly has names analogous to their Equestria counterparts.
I tend to kind of blend things by trying to use names you might hear from the show but keep the references easy enough to understand in All That Shimmers. Of course all the Dan Vs. stuff is easy since the show itself used real world and fake versions of stuff.
4259542 It's as if the author is presenting a social commentary on the television show and trademarked movie based on said show in question. O, wait...
There are some spelling and grammar errors you may want to edit. Firstly, you have a recurring problem where Cheerilee's name is spelt as "Cherilee".
Also, that should be, "turned" and "ranging".
There's a spot where you forgot to capitalize.
And there's also the parts where you're missing periods and commas.
Also, Scootaloo's name's misspelled there.
There's some things you may want to edit. It's pretty much either missing punctuation marks or things missing capitalization.
There's some things you may want to edit.
Best ending XDDD
This was really funny
Especially the ending.
Looks like somebody fell foul of Article XVIII...
what the heck, sweetie belle...