Fire Star, princess of fire, has found and ancient alter where she discovers a jewel of pure darkness, which transforms her into the evil queen of fire, Inferni.
Chapters (9)
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Sorry, but this story . . . kind of sucks. Let me give you some constructive criticism on how you could have made it better, and what (few) points you actually did right.
First off, the story is VERY short for the kind of story you're trying to tell here. It's lacking in details that explain why certain things happen, especially in the last half. Okay, so Fire Star resents the other ponies for mistreating and demeaning her fire, so she turns into Inferni. But what motivation does she have for putting them through those kinds of tests? Why would she just pit one of their number versus one of hers and let them continue if that one of theirs wins? Why would she give them logic puzzles when, considering her family, she knows that the Element of Magic is adept at such things? Why wouldn't she ensure to prevent them from getting loose by magic?
It's obvious you're taking inspiration from the opening two-parter where Nightmare Moon was defeated by the Elements of Harmony. Let me point out the difference between the obstacles in the 2nd episode and the obstacles in your latter half--when Nightmare Moon set up obstacles, it was quite obviously her going for the kill (the cliff falling and the manticore) or getting them to stop/turn around by some means (the trees, the river serpent, the bridge). There was no obvious "overcome this and you get a step closer". So it turned out that she ended up giving each of the elements (besides Twilight) a test in their field, but she didn't know that when she put up the obstacle. Her thoughts were more along the lines of "Ha! They'll never get past this."
Another problem is that it starts quite abruptly. We don't know who Fire Star is or how she came to be or anything, and the exposition between Celestia and Luna only helps a little. (Good Point time: it was still a good way of mixing exposition with character development, by showing how Fire reacted to what they were saying. Good job on that.) It was especially jarring when we see her reacting to foals playing with the fire like that, since we don't know what the reason is. (Good Point time: I appreciate the effort in using visual storytelling to show instead of tell the reader what's going on.) Yes, I get that she didn't approve of them using fire like that, but without the knowledge that she is the reason they have fire to play with it more looks like she's just getting a few young rulebreakers to stop what they were doing.
I'm also curious why the vampony was introduced to the story. He didn't seem to contribute anything that only he could have done. His fight could easily have been handled by Rainbow Dash instead. Extraneous stuff like this are things writers usually try to avoid.
These are most of the big gripes I can think of with this story. Now for one last good point . . . the premise could have been interesting. Another alicorn has turned evil, and the elements of harmony alone are insufficient? Done right that could have been a fantastic story. Instead, we get a lazy copy of the second episode of the show for the second half.
Hopefully, you recognize that I am trying to help with this comment and use this to further yourself as a writer. Good luck.