1.5
"Ahh! Aaaaaaaahhhhh! AaaAAaauugh-CHOOOO!"
"Eeew, mommy! Look at the funny foamy rainbow colors she made!"
"Oh, ewww, ew! Here -ugh- have a hankerchief."
"Danke you..." Sunbeam replied through a foamy mouth and a stuffed up nose. Marble had yet to forgive her for using a rather nasty cuss word in front of her son and daughter in a moment of weakness. So, she had been given a soapstone to suck on after the train had departed the station, and the stupid thing had foamed up into a furious bitter lather almost immediately in her mouth. "Sniff. I don't know why I sneezed. Well, then again have you ever gotten the feeling that somepony who loves you quite a bit is insulting you behind your back hard enough to, uh... feel the 'burn' from across the world?"
Marble chuckled and helped wipe some of the foam off of Sunbeam's muzzle so she could use it to scrub at the icky mess Sunbeam had made of the window. "My husband works in Princess Celestia's Army Corps of Engineers. I get it All. The. Time. You get used to it. Or you start taking allergy medication." Marbled sighed as she remembered how much she had sneezed in Limestone's last trimester. Fun times. Fun times. She looked back to him, smiling softly at the way the poor colt had fallen asleep and was precociously snoring upside down, with a little trail of drool running down his face while his legs kicked in a dream-gallop.
She turned her smile upon Sunbeam, who had been similarly posed and asleep just moments before, and noticed the way the mare's ears had turned crimson. "Somepony talking about you again?"
Sunbeam embarrassedly nodded in a hurry, afraid to say anything. The train rocked back and forth a little as the brakes were gently applied, prompting her to look up from her pose and out of the window. "Where are we?"
"Ponyville."
"Ulp!"
"Oh, don't worry about it. My sister is going to meet us on the platform. And I'd like my soapstone back, pleas. If you hadn't fallen asleep with it, I would have asked for it back hours ago. At least, if you're done teaching impressionable fillies bad words, that is." Marble held out her hoof as the train gently slid to a halt outside of the station.
Ptoooie-ing out the stone, Sunbeam turned to the window and tried to peer through the half-cleaned mess she had made of it into the town. She had never seen this part of it from this angle, despite meaning to come by so often. She had just never had the time...
"Yeah, it's not much. Doesn't look like it's changed too much yet, even with the whole 'Princess Hometown' thing. But it'll be home for me now. Say, have you seen Surprise?"
Sunbeam looked around, realizing she had only heard her when waking up. "No, I haven't. Odd, where could she have gone? Should I look for her?" At Marble's headshake, she frowned. Taking the hankerchief, she tried to clean the window a little more while peering around the sleeper car cabin for the little yellow and white foal. "I hope she'll turn up, what is she up-"
Sploodge! "Heeeeeeeeereee's PINKIE!"
"Gyaaaaaaugh!" Screamed Marble.
"Aiiiiiieegh!" Sunbeam 'modestly yelped'.
"AaaaaaaaAAAUUUUGH!" They yelled together.
"Woooooooaaauugh!" Yelped Limestone as he first jolted awake then promptly fainted while rolling off onto the floor.
"Hehehehe..." Chuckled a completely innocent saddlebag in the corner.
Pinkie tried to peer through the dirty window, mushing her face against it until it almost resembled a pink pancake that somepony had morbidly iced frosting onto in the shape of a pony's features. Lucky for her, though, there was a nice little window washing tool on the column behind her that was made just for cleaning off sticky messes on train windows. Using her trademarked Super Pinkie Speed, she dashed over, Dashie'd back and stuck the tool through the tiny gap at the top of the window. Four squeezes of rubbery squeakiness against triple-tempered safety glass left the window clean and sparkling once again so she could gawk at them in peace.
Oooooooor, she could just squeeze through that itty-bitty tiny stupid little squeezy belly-squishy gap to see- POP!-them. Phweew, for a second she had been panicking in her mind as she thought Rarity had been right and that she needed a dreaded... gasp! Diet! "Heeello? Pinkie to Equestria! Pinkie calling Equestria? Has anypony and/or pony-shaped freaky quivery statue seen Surprise? About yea-high and fluffy? She's kinda not her and all- OOh! She's hiding! Why I bet she might be in this suspicious saddle-"
BANG! "Suuuurrrrrprrise!" The little pegasus popped out of Sunbeam's massive remaining saddlebag like a big white Pony-inna-Box as Pinkie opened it, bowling the earth pony over onto her back. Chanting, the little pegasus pranced with fanciness on Pinkies chest happily. "I got you, I got you!"
"Hehehehehe, yes you did! Hey, Marble, did'chya see?" Marble blinked lifelessly, still in the position of terror she had been in when Pinkie had all but scared the cutie marks off of her. The only sign of life besides her eyes were the heavy breaths she took each moment, and the way that her hooves ever so slightly quivered in place. Not even waving a hoof in front of her eyes seemed to do the trick. "Hmmm, tricky."
"Mommy! Stop that!"
"Don't worry, Surprise! Stand back, this is a job for a professional! Perky Party Prepping Pony Power Poke-" Sluuuuuuuuuurp! "-ACTIVATE!" Pinkie stuck her licked hoof into Marble's ear, making her sister hiss in shock and jump.
"Pinkie! You know what mother said about that!"
"Only that I should use my powers for good."
Marble started to yell something else at her insensitive sister when she felt the one thing she didn't want to. Her open saddle harness began to shift and shake as Rocky Road began to stir in his carry-all, sniffling and getting squirmy as he grew uncomfortable with the noise and motion. She struck like a cobra, scooping him up in a flash whilst ignoring the adoring coo of joy from her sister as she tried to calm him down. "It's okay, Rocky! It's okay. The big, mean Pinkie isn't going to hurt you!" All to no avail as her little one took the initiative and broke into loud and upset wails. "Oh, thanks, Pinkie!"
"Uh-oh! Uh-oh!" Pinkie dug into her mane and pulled out a pacifier-class packet of party supply #115 on instinct. She pressed the foreleg-sized bag into Surprise's hooves, then positioned herself so that Rocky would see her face when she got hit. "Surprise, quick! Hit me in the face with it!"
Marble rocked Rocky as soothingly as possible while gently sushing him. "Don't teach her a bad habit, Pinkie!"
"Works every time, trust me! Hit me!"
Surprise trusted, and swung with all of her might. The foreleg-sized bag of flour exploded in Pinkie's face along pre-prepared burst lines, comically blowing her mane back in a blast of fluffy-powdery fierceness. Pinkie opened her eyes again, coughing up a puff of white dust in the process. Rocky stopped crying instantly, curiously looking at the madmare who just exploded a bag with her face.
"Better stop crying, buster! I've got another bag of flour, and I'm not afraid to use it on myself!" Rocky immediately began to coo and giggle in his mother's forelegs, which only grew to happy squeals as Pinkie leaned in for the kill to tickle him and blow raspberries on his chest. "Looks like I've got a new 'Welcome to Ponyville' party to plan. Better make it a quiet one. How old is he?"
"Old enough to be trouble." Marble said with a smile as she bumped Pinkie out of the way to nuzzle her son's nose.
"Oooh! The best kind-! And who is THIS?" Sunbeam found herself shook back to her senses by Pinkie, who was hugging her around the neck inquisitively. Pinkie sniffed, and examined her mane, and analyzed Sunbeam in nearly every possible way as she tried to figure out why the strange orange pegasus was so familiar. "She's a conundrumy! I think I kinda-sorta recognize her; but my Pinkie Sense swears she's already had a 'Welcome to Ponyvile' party! But I've never seen her before, and I'd know if I had thrown one!" Pinkie shook Sunbeam a little more wildly for a moment as her exuberance knew no bounds.
Thinking quickly in her nervousness, Sunbeam rapidly put together any random old cover story as the pink predator circled her hungrily for a party. "Uh... um, I'm Sunbeam? I worked for Princess Celestia, and I'm here because she asked to do tutoring for Princess Twilight?" Sweating, she leaned and scooted back as Pinkie leaned in ever closer towards her face, speaking even faster. "I might um, maybe have come with Princess Celestia when Princess Luna came back? I probably met you then, if that's alright with you?"
Pinkie continued to close in on her, her eyes slowly narrowing as she moved inwards until they touched nose to scruntched nose because Sunbeam could lean back no more, muttering a 'hmmmm' darkly all the way. "OKAY!" The darkness that had slowly draped down upon Pinkie's face was blown away instantly by a powerful and bright cheerfulness that shone forth like a shining ray. "Soooo, what kind of 'Welcome to Ponyville' party do you want? Big? Open air, quiet, Canterlot Formal?" Pinkie yanked a pencil and a pink notebook out from her mane, along with a party pamphlet as she smushed up next to the big pegasus cheek to cheek.
The train rocked for a moment from something down the length of it being moved off. "All off!"
Surprise giggled and squished herself in between her auntie's legs to grab the packet even as Marble sighed in exasperation. "Pinkie..."
"It's a legitimate service!"
"Um, quiet. Informal. Minimum guests. I've been to too many Grang Galloping Galas for one life, I'm afraid."
Pinkie's ears wilted instantly at the mention of the gala. "You poor mare. You have my sympathy." She patted Sunbeam on the head patronizingly. "Only a few ponies, you said?"
"Just the schoolteachers.The princess too. And maybe a couple of foals. Ooh! I almost forgot, I want to meet Applejack, Rarity Belle, and Rainbow Dash!" Sunbeam chirped up as she remembered the names of the mares closest to the foals.
Pinkie paused as she thought through the list, wondering why it sounded so strange. "Waiiit, I thought you said you were teaching Twilight!"
"Teaching for her." The train rocked again as somepony moved freight. "She's taken on three fillies as potential students, and doesn't feel that she can teach them alone." Sunbeam quietly explained to Pinkie as a creepy sensation of fear began to grow in her. The worst part about it was the way that Pinkie mildly stiffened up beside her. Not good, the three had enough of a history to be concerning, even to Pinkie. Well, it might be a different set... "You might have heard of them? Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle?"
Pinkie began to nervously laugh, and pulled out a black notebook out. "Sooooooo, uh... what kind of funeral do you want scheduled for next week? Open casket? Wake? Maretonian Mourning Festival?"
Oh buck her life...
"Pinkie! Tact, Pinkie! What have we told you about tact!?" Marble angrily asked of her sister while rocking Rocky soothingly.
"Weeeeeellll, my friend Rarity said she was going to frou-frou me to death if I didn't learn tack'd, but I dont know why you and Rares want to teach me about bondage gear..." Pinkie cheerfully replied to her sister while disengaging from Sunbeam.
Marble growled as she felt tiny bits of her molars being ground off from the clenching of her jaws. Hoof met face and crushingly rubbed the bridge of her muzzle as she tried to figure out why she liked Pinkie so much. "Surprise, take Limestone and go ahead to the platform, we'll catch up."
"Kay!"
Marble waited as Surprise dragged Limestone away by his tail out of the car. She growled once more and picked up where she left off. "TACT, Pinkie! Not tack! With a 'T'! Not the bucking bondage art, the art of not insulting and scaring other ponies entirely by accident!" Marble waddled over and pulled a rolled up newspaper out of her other saddleback, smacking her sister upside the head lightly with the dense paper.
Pinkie pondered as things finally started to make sense. "OooooOOooh. That would explain why Rarity said it after I gave Fluttershy the squeaks after crawling up the wall. It normally makes ponies laugh, but it is pretty scary to her... Oh yeah, mouthwash check!"
Marble started to say something, then angrily stuffed her soapstone into her own mouth and grumbled around the foam as Pinkie and Sunbeam giggled at her.
"ALL ABOARD!"
"Oh you've got to be bucking kidding me." Marble grumbled. Sunbeam concurred. It was going to be a long week. As soon as they made a run for it.
Well, there went Pinkie.
"Sploodge"?
"I've been to too many Grang Galloping Galas for one life, I'm afraid."
What kind of party is Grang?
Well that's a new definition of a little black book. Still have no idea what's happening though.
wait. wait. Wouldn't it be Marble ranting insults at her husband... during the last trimester.... I... don't get it.
You know, the "CMC as doom-bringers" thing is... way oversold. Think about it. Do an actual, genuine catalog of the actual havoc and damage they've done in four seasons. Diddly boo, proportionately.
I'm confused .-.
oh God the morbid giggles I've gotten out this. Oh, this WAY to much Pinkie this early in the morning I am SO loving it
especially the part of where Pinkie got morbid about the CMC
this made my morning even Pinkie takes the CMC serious, who knew
MOAR
4377238
Why do you think he was complaining to his buddies about her? She does have a bit of a short temper.
Haven't read a single chapter yet,(putting it in read later) but I'm already giving it a like simply because you put "what could possibly go wrong" and the CMC in the same story.
Hilarity will ensue I'm sure!
Let me clean that window for you...
4377190
Maybe it was Gangnam Style
(I'm going to Tartarus for that one)
Ooooh, there's an idea for a short comedic story. Despite the stories and rumors everyone hears EVERY Grand Galloping Galla ends in disaster.........it's only a question of how.
Heh. A soapstone that forms a lather. A geological equivalent of timberwolves.
Hopefully, everypony gets off the train in time. I think that bit's been dragged out enough. In any case, looking forward to more.
4377257
Proportionately? The havoc-per-unit-of-power may actually be in the Crusaders' favor. For three fillies, the amount of physical, psychological, and social turmoil they've caused has been quite impressive.
4377178
Actually, the system is working as intended. She's laughing at them because it's outside of the day guard's expertise. The nearest comparison I could put up is the difference between the Space Marines and Imperial guard in 40k. The Night Guard are extremely specialized forces that do their best to stop threats before they have the chance to get going.
The Day Guard, on the other hoof, however, are more general soldiers. The big anvil to smash threats too big to handle quietly with, the big civil engineering force, and the logistics for all the branches, along with a large semi-civilian police force that answers to the crown through their chain of command.
The Night Guard has interrogation units in order to save as many lives as possible by knowing what the threat is and thus how to stop it.
They are answerable to the public, as well, with an annual audit of all operations that take place each year that is available to the public to see what unholy abominations were stopped over the past 12 months.
4377799 or fruit bats...
Flour makes baby ponies giggle.
Taking the phrase "it's your funeral" to a whole new level!
Hmm. . .is Maretorian supposed to be the word, Victorian?
4379861
No, the new pony province mentioned in the finale that appears to be Babylonian or Incan in nature.
4379887 Oh.
4379933
Yup. The ones with the crazy Centauri style headdress, with the Gondor-like banner.
4379952 When you say Centauri I think of Game of Thrones and Regular Show.
4379989
No. B5. The hair that goes ALL the way up.
4379999
4377257
Nah. They just can't show what they've been up to on-screen... kids show and all that. ;)
-- Spade
4378106
Pinkie:
If you're fond of teaching fillies/That's your funeral./That's your funeral!/The CMC'll give you chillies/That's your funeral./That's your funeral!
Visualize the sap descending on you drop by drop./You can't come back when you're buried/Underneath the slop!
We will not reduce our prices./Keep your vices usual./That's your funeral/Not our funeral./That's your funeral.
Sunbeam:
I don't think this song's amusing.
Pinkie:
That's your funeral./That's your funeral!
Sunbeam:
Now where's those three? - I'm not refusing
Pinkie:
That's your funeral./No mare knows her funeral,/That's your.../That's your.../Funeral!
4386311
*Sunbeam points at her face.* this is not my amused face. *shakes head.*
4386699
And the allusion works well in terms of not-the-song too, because Mr. Bumble is 'chubby' and Sunbeam...
Actually, I'm not going to finish that sentence.
Pinkie Pie - Force of nature. Still, even she's scared of the Crusaders' reputation. I think that Celestia should be taking that as a definite warning about what she's letting herself in for!
hahaha nice! i see
Marble blinked lifelessly, betcha ten dollars she thinking 'I wish to high heaven i had Maud ability of not getting so surprised.'
and i iimagine Spike asking if he could sleep in the crusader clubhouse do to Twilight screaming in hysterics about Celestia with applejack and Rainbow dah being force to keep twilight calm.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1773-1321626301.png
Grand
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I stand by saying that Morningstar is a horrible last name for Tia and Luna. Seriously they don't really need one, and naming both after the morning is redundant to Tia and kinda retarded / insulting to Luna. Seriously there are many ponies that don't have a last name / two part name honestly I'd go back and cut it. But nonetheless, even with that one small problem in the fic, it's filled with funny tidbits and lines throughout.
Um... I'm pretty sure Ponies don't have Family Names.
Celestia
MorningstarLuna
MorningstarRarity
BelleI full-on burst out laughing at that, not an easy feat when I'm reading, good show dear chap
That funeral bit was hilarious. Laugh out loud hilarious. good work
4606583 "apple family"
"pie family"
I think they have family names, just they're not necessarily included in a pony's actual name. For example, Babs Seed is part of the apple family.
This is rated 'E' for everyone?... Eh, forget it, I don't care. To the next chapter!
My german sense is tingeling! Laut und deutlich.
But for I cannot decide if it does because I want to build a highly efficient machine to solve or a fucking tank to cause problems lets instead stay with the following statement:
So far, so good. Surprisingly nice to read as it got the right amount of randomness sprinkled all over like it's a cake. One delicious cake, battered with ridiculously well written comedy.
6044698 kein problem! Du alte regenbogen socke!
Trans: "No problem, you old rainbow sock!"
Not keeping up with a story is one thing. But when I can't keep track to often that becomes a problem. It might take me a while to read this story, compared to other storys.