A Dewdrop

Kodeake #1 · Apr 30th, 2014 · · ·

Meh. I really don't have much to say. To be honest, there wasn't much to say about. I mean sure it's a cute story, but that;s all it is; cute. There's no real point or meaning behind everything. And even when it's cute, it's really not all that cute. Sure, we see the story of how they got together, but there was nothing really special about that. I like the cause and effect thing you were going for, but it would have been more interesting if you had used it a little bit more than you did.

In the end, the story simply didn't interest me. It just was, and there's nothing different now than there was before I read it. No emotional response or anything.

Not to mention you cut out arguably the most important part, which is them actually getting together. It just stops just as it's about to get good, and it's them looking back on a memory that we can't relate to because you didn't tell us anything about it.

It could have been longer, and with more of a point it would have been much more interesting. As it is it doesn't have any kind of conflict, it's just two ponies remembering things. While that can be done well so that it's interesting, to be interesting there has to be an unknown variable. But with this, we already know they got together, which is the only possible conflict in here.

SO... meh. It was cute, but it could have been so much more.

Verum Nexum

Verum Nexum #2 · Apr 30th, 2014 · · ·

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4315489 I understand, and I figured some people would have this reaction. The reason it's written that way is because it was intended to be a short story that simply touches on the idea. I wanted to leave the rest to the imagination or for other writers to expound upon. I didn't really intend for it to get very deep.

Also, this is my first shipfic, so I'm still learning the ins and outs of the style. I've read tons and have a fairly firm grasp on what a shipfic should be. It's just that I use a sort of "flow of thought" technique for writing. I'm basically improvising, while trying to keep the story within the boundaries of the original concept.

In this case, the original concept was supposed to be more about the cause and effect thing than them actually getting together, but that's just how it ended up.

Also, I know this story contains a lot of rinse-and-repeat clichés, but it seemed fitting for a first story. You know; just to get something out there. I didn't want to jump right in and post something really stylistic and grandiose just yet.

But anyway, thanks for your comment! My future stories should be more interesting and original, and hopefully longer and more fleshed out.

Kodeake

Kodeake #3 · Apr 30th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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4315523
If you want my opinion, you first story should be very much you. It should be your style, how you write, your ideas. It should original, full of new ideas, ideas that are yours, and as creative as you are.

But that's just me, and it's probably a safer bet playing things this way.

And even if you wanted to leave as much as you could up to the imagination, there's such a thing as too much, and this story has crossed that line Just barely, though. It'd be so mch better fi you only added the scene where they talked it out and got together. That's one scene that shouldn't be left to us when it comes to a story about them getting together.

Winston

Winston #4 · Apr 30th, 2014 · 1 · ·

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It's good as a little slice of life exercise.

It lacks any greater significance, but I suspect that if that was the point it would have been clear by the story being much longer and quite a bit different with some form of major adversity to overcome, so I don't see any point in criticizing it for what it doesn't set out to be.

It works well for what it is. I give it a thumbs up for that.

Wodahseht

Wodahseht #5 · Apr 30th, 2014 · · ·

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I personally like it as it is. It's a good small slice of life without clutter that starts the imagination flowing. If you never writing on this particular relationship again to flesh it out it would be a shame though.

I would be interested in a later revisit that fleshed out the full sequence from both (or all three) sides in real time, leading to full relationship status.

Verum Nexum

Verum Nexum #6 · Apr 30th, 2014 · · ·

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4316149 As in, like, a sequel?

I doubt I'll write a sequel. Although, I might eventually do a re-write of this story as a sort of "haha, look how much I sucked back then; here's a more appealing version" thing.

But anyway, thanks for the reviews and thumbs up! Expect more in-depth stories in the future, as that seems to be the prevailing shortcoming with this story according to you guys.

Verum Nexum

Verum Nexum #7 · May 4th, 2014 · · ·

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4315557 No; I understand what you're saying, and I agree. I should try to make my first few stories my flagships. I was trying to take a sort of "under the radar" approach to silently slip into the TwiDash community unnoticed, but then again, that's no way to gain recognition, now is it?

But yeah, this is more of a "test drive" story; that is how I learn to do things, after all. I emulate the works of others who are already good at it and crank out a boring, monotonous conglomerate of all the clichés and tropes until I can perfectly make the textbook example of what is typical for works of that style. Once I'm confident in my ability to do that, then I throw creativity into the mix and use the tools I've picked up along the way. It's a shame to think of it this way, as it makes it seem like my stories will only ever be a papier mâché made from cutouts of other stories... So, that metphor breaks down, because I'll be using real creativity! Challenge accepted, FiMFiction!

BTW, thanks for the wake-up call, Kodeake; you're awesome. (and not just because you're the Kodeake... )

Kodeake

Kodeake #8 · May 4th, 2014 · · ·

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4335795
The Kodeake?

The hell does that mean? I'm.. honestly confused by that.

Verum Nexum

Verum Nexum #9 · May 4th, 2014 · · ·

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4335867 Is "the" your title? I don't know...

I've read two of your stories and they were great... and you read/comment on nearly every TwiDash story to ever exist... so, I guess in my mind that means you're worthy of ego-boosting praise. Don't question it.

Midnight SparkleLulamoon

Midnight SparkleLulamoon #10 · Jul 13th, 2015 · · ·

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I find your story really interesting even if there is nothing you really get deep into. I like the

"I'm kinda... lonely."

because it can really be hard to go through this feeling. I'm kind of experience it myself so it reminds me lot of things. However, your story follow your title and description. The cause and effect thing is sort of funny with Pinkie explaining what it was in the end. Keep going like this!