hello, my fellow pegasisters and Bronys. I am a 15 (b'day may 7th)and you can also call me Midnight or Shine if you want . Also, don't forget to SHINE ON!!
Oh my. Twilight Sparkle somehow found herself undeSsession of a Windigo Spirit, resulting her becoming a monstrous pony during nightfall. To makes matters worse, Equestria is in danger of freezing over. Twilight hope she can restore the Elements of Harmony before it's too late.
hey eveypony thanks for liking my story. The first chapter of the story is being edited as we speak.
editor: Spilledink82
Please no rude committing. It will be deleted.
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Uhh, dood? Are you having problems? I refreshed the screen accidentally and found that chapter 1 became chapter 4 so... yeah, dood.
besides the grammar and spelling issues that abound, what happened to chapter 1?
Uh. Interesting premise, cool cover art, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired - both with the grammar and the characters themselves. :/
Sorry, I had technical difficulties.
4356142 How do you want me to go about editing this? I'm good at grammar, and can tell you if the pacing is smooth, and a bit about details. Or just everything.
Just committ below on what you think. Please no rude commits. Thanks! : D
This has a lot of potential but it needs a serious polish and spell check
4557733
Ok, so which chapter needs to be edited
Hold up... is this the fanfic version of that tumblr about a Were-pony thing with ice powers, dood?
It's interesting, but the grammar in the first chapter just about made me do a pegturn on this, dood.
4560754
thanks for telling me that. I will fix the gramer in the first chapter. :D
Read the first half of first chapter and couldn't continue. Very messily written, choppy, and way too many periods. You need longer sentences! Hard to read and follow.
Also, try to stay in the same tense throughout. Otherwise good idea, just needs some improvement. (Perhaps an editor would help? 
)
Its a good story just needs to be edited just get some one to help you edit
4613456 yeah I put down the persons name already. If u didn't see it in the story line description.
Quick question... Do you have permission from the original tumblr blog to be writing this?
This story greatly reminds me of Sonic Unleashed
Twilight's predicament reminds me of something... Not sure what though...
*coughcoughhackwolflinkhackcouphhack*
ok im going to be honest here. I like the idea of this story i really do, but......... SLOW THE BUCK DOWN. It feels like im trying to watch a movie purely in fast forward 4 lines of dialoge do not make a scene if you dont have mutch talking pad out the scene a bit more
i understand this is your first story and good on you for giving it a go so understand that this is just constructive criticism
best of luck
You copy off my chapter in Fanfiction! Plus you have it repeat once again. Not mad, just surprise.
4813439 That the problem, the two chapters she using is from my story on Fanfiction. So what you are reading, minus Twilight becoming an Alicorn, was done by me first and then she copy.
You're right, it was rush, you need to going over and change a few things, make it better and longer. Something tells me you not good at fight scenes. Thus chapter needs a redo.
i like it. keep up the good work.
Is this based off twilightunbound
6033866 Yes
Yee-haw! It's me AJ again, told ya ah'd check out your stories, so here ah am! (And thanks again for favourit-ing my fanfic)
Ah was quite interested at the topic (Ah told mah friends that a good topic is a first step to a good story, but they don't believe me
), and after readin' your first chapter, ah'd say it has potential to become a very good story if you can (there are too many important elements to a good story so ah won't be postin' 'em here, chat with me if you like). Anyway, let's continue...
The starting is good, you described the fight between the mane six and the monster quite well (even the elements have no use against the monster???), and I was very surprised when Trixie made her first appearance. Long words short, the first chapter created a foreshadowing despite some minor errors, and it was really good. Then comes the second part.
Many punctuation, spelling and tense errors. In addition, about half of the events here can be crossed out as they have no direct relevance to the storyline (I.e. from meeting the Doctor to going back home and meeting friends). These quite ruined the story. Some metaphors were useless (E.g. as her mouth dropped open, enough to fit a whole Apple in her mouth). Not to mention, you repeated the two parts afterward (so that's why there are 8000 words!). And some logical problems too (e.g. if Trixie is more powerful than the elements then why didn't she just fight the Elements one by one and get hold of their powers? And how could Twilight not know where Ponyville is? She chased the monster herself. And she could also teleport.) ...
So what ah'm trying to say is, be sure to double check your story after you have double checked it just like what Twilight would usually do. It's a good thing you found someone to edit your story, but it doesn't seem like he or she did any editing. Ah'm just giving you some advice (no offense! Ah'm friendly), and as ah said that ah was always busy buckin' apples, ah would be readin' your other chapters next time! Until then, read on!
Cheers.
And smiles :D
6065053 thanks!
It seems like we finally know what is going on. What Twilight needs to do now is to restore the elements and find a way to reverse her metamorphosis. Hopefully we will see a happy ending within five chapters. Until then, we can anticipate another twist if the writer isn't too busy...
Darn straight. Ah'm soooo honest!
Yelp. After the 99th episode of FiM I start to like Gilda. Too bad.
6080088 I'll add more chapters after the finals
May i ask....when do you plan on posting the next chapter?....just...worried if u r ok if thats ok.....
6764471 I've been thinking about it for a long time. I had a mean comment one time on my other story, so kinda made me not want to write anymore, but recently I have been reading stories that have inspired me. So maybe. I kinda left the next chapter unfinished.
But besides criticism all of the comments here are so COMPLEMENTING....whatever what your motive for having stopped for a while...isnt for me to judge.
7465077 right now I'm having one of those moments when I loose inspiration, but I will continue it once I fiND some inspiration for the story.
THIS IS GOOD
Just hit the windigo
THATS HILARIOUS
4755089 Exactly what I was thinking of
4755089
Big time Sonic was in a similar situation when Eggman led him into a trap. I'm working on a Sonic Unleashed 2 crossover story that crosses over with MLP and takes place after the game well in the Sonic X universe.
Are you going to make another chapter. This is really good. I love the part where you made it to show how she transforms in the third chapter.
Anyone else getting Sonic Unleashed vibes?
7468351
Did you find some yet? I would recommend checking the movie "sweet home".
9599187
You're right!!!
THIS is the proof:
derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/9/320614/large.jpg
6035064
But isn't that tumblr.. dead?
i hope you dont mind me remaking this story...