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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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No! Not Celestia!
yea i really liked the way you wrote celestia's character in this story. it made her out to be more than just a trolling douche with no intrest in the fate of equestria. and gave her depth that had not existed before this moment
hm the evil pegasi seem like my oc... IM EVIL D:
I love how you portrayed Celestia as quite the chess master here.
Anyway, I am really loving this so far and I can't wait to see what happens next.
TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!
This is too amazing; there's a mental movie going on through my head. Onward to chapter two!
ASXISBDHSMS WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THE FIRST CHAPTER WAS REWRITEN??? I LIKE TO KNOW THESE KINDS OF THINGS!
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I found this a few days ago, and had to put it off for IRL reasons.
But this first chapter changes all that.
another fantastic story has been created. have 5 moustaches
What is the source for your cover art on this?
I'm listening to music by Two Steps From Hell while reading this. The awesome has been doubled! Seriously, though, this is amazing so far. I usually don't read many fics where the focus isn't on the mane 6 - I usually skip through portions like this. This, however, is epicly great, and I can't wait to continue reading. You've got really great characterization of Luna and Celestia, and I'm eager and nervous to see evil!Twilight in action.
...did i just see a xanatos gambit be created?
“Thine last student was a weapon bred and trained to murder me. Forgive me if I am less than thrilled to meet another.”
i love this line
Spectacular story! Your characterization of Celestia was brilliant. You made her out to be a kind but ruthless chess-master, who only cares about her safety if it benefits her subjects. I'm really looking forward to Evil!Twlight and the 'son' that Titan's gonna make, if Celestia could launch beams of sunlight like that, imagine what he'd be able to do! Also, I am officially jealous of Celestia's sword, awesome name for it, Zenith has a nice ring. I got some catching up to do on this story!
i actually have been trying to master spliting my mind like celestia did, i can do it in 2 but eventually they push together from the concentration of one overlapping the other
This was epic, celestia u are a great leader and wise mare.. i died with honor
I was listening to Makkon's Celestia Origins Extended Battle Theme for the first bit... SOOO EPIC!
It was an ordinary day in equestria, and all was calm and well, and then CHAOS AND PANIC AND MADNESS.
I can't tell you how off that threw me. It was perfect. Tho I do wish we could see more of the unicorn who helped Titan and Terra break free, this was incredible. Straight to the point, in the most painful, direct way. Bravo. This so goes into my tracking list
this is an amazing story, the characters are well developed (Celestia is not some random monarch, but a three-minded chess master), and even though Titan won this move, the game is far from over.
onto chapter 2, and let the games begin...
When I decided to finally read this, well, I was not expecting such an explosive start!
Absolutely love it so far, and I can't wait to finish it.
You kill her...
I'll follow you until... read this and your curse....
Keep writing....
Well finally have The Immortal Game on my next 'book' to read. *reads*
Oh wow... the two alicorns have such a horrifying past I wonder what started the war...
Celestia, I don't want to play chess with you... if you are still alive, that is...
And nooooo, Twilight!!!
Love it! Onwards to Chapter Two
Y U PROBS KILL CELESTIA.
I will now read on.
Wow, best intro I have EVER seen in a fanfiction! This is how I wish I could write!
When I reached The Immortal Game part of the chapter, I suddenly remembered why I made this my number one favorite story, all those months ago when I was just reading this off of EQD as "Ponies Make War", February of this year I think?
If I can remember correctly, this story left me speechless after EVERY chapter!
During my first read through, I made it to 'God' and was frustrated that the new chapters hadn't been made yet. This story solidified me as a Brony when I was just starting to watch the show!
I was skeptical about MLP at first, I read other fanfictions that helped but I still had a little doubt deep down...but this story told me "Fuck that doubt! This story is amazing and now I love this fandom!
Thanks AestheticB for showing me that I can be a Brony and still love a badass, deep, stategical, and intricate warfic constructed with brilliant writing and an amazing ancient backstory to support the plot.
For now, that's all I got!
Silver out!
Holy damn this chapter has my heart racing! BUCKING LOVE THIS STORY!
What do I need to say about this chapter/story that has not been said...this is an excellent start to the story with a very well written opening.
AHHH! You GOT to be kidding me! >< I been looking for this story for like EVER!
I usually recall fics with pics but this one threw me off after the first chapter... god it's been freaking MONTHS since I read that on EQD >< and all this time I thought it was under a different name/picture. Man this sucks... I have so much catching up to do ><
Downloading to my phone!
I really, really should of started a fimfic account sooner... now I only need to track down a few other stories like Fluttershy story where some colt with a grape and something cutie mark tried to hook up with Shy only for her to run off crying, later to find out because of her secret tends to always ruin her relationships when she comes out to them about it; which RD has known about since their childhood. The girls all get together and Shy lets them know she was a dude the whole time :P (it was well written but so far only found crap with her trying to hook up with Twilight and not the one I mentioned here... Yes, I read just about anything if it's written well enough )
I'm glad that you don't just kill off Celestia. It would sot of lower the excitement I have for this story. Instead of simply killing her you "reanimate" her. She's still alive, but in another form. A neat idea.
There needs to be a quotation mark after Luna finishes speaking.
Ok, I have just been blown away. I have been wanting to read this story for so long. This opening chapter puts it in my top five favorites immediately. As I continue, It may just become number one.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcwporEmt31rw0ifto1_400.gif
Wow, this is so awesome. I am so glad to be revisiting this fic, because it was this very fic that first got me into MLP and served as huge inspiration for my fics. Thank you for your wonderful way with words.
On another note, anypony else think this should be a season premiere? I would do a fanimation of this if I had the time and skills.
Tremendously inventive! I have paid to read many a story that wasn't nearly as exciting as this!
1922734 10/3 would watch incessantly.
~Oh mai~
Quite well done, overall.
However. If you want to write Luna archaically, you simply must brush up on your archaic pronouns and verb conjugations. "What about thou", for instance, is incorrect - "thou" is only the subject form, and you want "thee". Or earlier, "when thou doth cradle the corpse in thine arms" - "arms" aside, "doth" is third-person singular (he/she/it), whereas "thou" is second-person (you). (I'm not actually sure if the singular and plural forms are different; I know some other languages where they are, but in modern English they aren't. But anyway, "thou" is definitely correct for singular.)
"So, thou wants to take over Equestia? Not gonna happen!"
*peels away fourth wall*
"Meet FIMFiction's army of OC alicorns! Have at you!"
OH MY GOD I THINK I'VE JUST FOUND THE BEST THING ON THE INTERNET
SO MUCH AWESOMENESS
2564092 I KNOW I KNOW SO MUCH AWESOMENESS
The amount respect I have for Celestia is the highest it's ever been........I really hate characters dying but lets continue.
Holy crap this is awesome! So much forethought by Cellie in that battle. She really is a goddess. I can't wait to read more of this awesome story.
Oh, and for anyone that is following my comments, the reason that the first bunch are out of order is because I was copy-pasting my notes from a tablet to the comment box for each chapter. I didn't send the comment and moved to a new tab for the next chapter. Once I had them all done, I went to the first and it was gone, so I sent the later ones ans re-made the others. Sorry for rambling!
Bravo! We rarely get to see the inner-workings of a Xanatos-classed mastermind! You wrote a beautiful portrayal of how one might think!
It's beautiful given that Celestia was pretty hard-pressed to come up with something pretty fast. Although I suppose being able to separate your mind from the pain (and willingly make yourself a cannonball) as well as being able to split your mind to carry out the assigned tasks kind of offsets that a bit.
It's a brilliant strategy (although several key contingent tactics are quite worrisome...) I suppose the rest of this story will be an detailed coverage of the successful (or unsuccessful) execution of said strategy and what tactics may have to change to accommodate it!
Bravo, sir! BRAVO!
Oh.
Oh wow.
27064
Because the show didn't give her anything.
Also he killed her in the first chapter.
Where's your depth now.
Wow. I see now that finally starting to get some fics in my humongous 'read later' folder is paying off.
This chapter did a very good job at painting the setting for us and jumping right into the conflict while still giving us some space to breathe (the two scenes between Celestia's reminiscing and their confrontation with Titan and Terra). The pacing of the action parts was well-done too. Jumping right into something shocking (guards dead, Celestia killing soldiers), then some time to breathe a bit while still holding the tension (the conversations with Coruscare and Titan), followed by more action to top the shocker at the beginning of the sequence (Celestia VS non-NMM Luna and Celestia's Xanathos Speed Chess and fight with Titan). You pull us right into the story with the peaceful and wise Celestia mercilessly slaughtering some of Luna's soldiers and apparently HATING her (I found that to be so shocking I thought of just closing the story because it was so OOC for her) and then keeping us thrilled while simultaneously delivering more shockers to us. I have to admit that this story is a bit too grimdark for my tastes, even though I love dark stories otherwise, but because this chapter alone has you demonstrating such stellar storytelling abilities I'm going to keep on reading. I'm planning on doing a mini-review like this one for every chapter.
What, things I didn't like about this chapter? Well, besides the grimdarkness being a wee bit too much for me which I can hardly blame you for, I noticed that you used "the fact that" very often. Seven times, if I'm not mistaken. In almost every if not every instance of that you could simply leave that out, since "the fact that (something)" and "(something)" are equivalent in meaning. It's just a bit of a pet peeve of mine.
This was the first story I ever read on this site. It feels so good to be reading it again.
This is awesome. So far im really exited to keep reading. it fells like this is going to be another great story for me to read. And thus far i think this story would make an great computer game.
HSQ: Three
Celestia's game: I rather doubt the effectiveness of the Elements against Titian if only because you already shattered my expectations by killing Celestia.
Titian and Discord as equal rivals... So if Titian is of comparable strength to Discord enough to be his equal then how could Mane Six plus Luna win? As shown in S3 the Elements can free Discord from his prison and with Celestia dead... Damn.
Where did Titian and Terra come from?
Are Alicorns mating the only (really I know how to spell that) way to create more Alicorns or does having a domain(Celestia being the Princess of the Sun) enable a regular pony to become an Alicorn?
Following Option 2:
How would a pony earn a domain? Is it something only an Alicorn can do or can anypony of sufficient mental strength become a domain-bearer. For example could Twilight through/as the Bearer of the Element of Magic become an Alicorn or failing that simply become immortal?'
The title got me all excited to read this story now just reading the first chapter I'm really excited now to finish it!
the game visualization used here is really quite nice. i can't wait for the time nessacary to finish this one
so are there any plans for a sequel??