How to Train Your Batpony, ch15
Or:
How not to marry a prince, part seven
“You want to come, Silver Spoon?”
Those words caused waves of anxiety to wash through the pony in question.
Silver Spoon had been in shock, her body numb, ever since she’d realized that the Twins had used the book she had provided them, inadvertently, to cast a dangerous spell at Prince Jake. There was no hiding the fact they had done it, or that she had supplied the means. Besides herself, there had been a huge crowd of witnesses, including the princesses. As she watched the twins’ tribulations and listened to the shocking comments, she knew it was only a matter of time till the snipe or one of the blank flanks revealed her part in the disaster.
That is why, when Curry Comb called out to her, an icy claw ran up her spine, and her belly threatened to rebel right there in front of the princesses and everypony else. This was it, this was where her involvement was exposed and she joined the twins in whatever punishment they were to receive. Then her mind processed Curry’s words. “You want me to come with you?” she asked as she tried to figure out the trap. Did the fiendish creature think she’d join that idiotic blank flank in facing down the royal guards? What in Equestria did that silly out of towner think she was doing anyway?
“Well yeah. According to Di, you’ve got friendly with them. I’m thinking they could use a familiar face. Might stop them from panicking and hurting themselves more than they already have.”
Silver Spoon winced and tried to draw into herself as the snipe blatantly broadcast her relationship with the twins to everypony in hearing distance. Why didn’t she have Pinkie throw a party while she was at it?
“How about you big dark and lurking? Are you coming.” The snipe asked, staring up into one of the trees. Silver Spoon had no idea why, until a deep gravelly voice replied.
“I really wish you wouldn’t do that. I do have a reputation you know, and you’re spoiling it.”
“I’m afraid the drill instructor is unable to accompany you, Curry. He is feeling a bit stiff at the moment,” Princess Luna told the impossible creature, chuckling at her own wit as she did so.
Currie nodded in understanding. “Yeah, not surprised. An old pony like him trying to keep up with two young mares. I’m not surprised he’s all stiff and sore.”
There was a strangled sound from the tree above them, and several of the pegasus guards recently graduated from training, hid their smirking muzzles behind their wingtips.
If Silver Spoon hadn’t been terrified out of her mind, she might have rolled her eyes at Princess Luna’s dad joke. Humor that seemed to fly right over the head of the stupid snipe who clearly had no understanding of what either the princess or herself had said.
“Go on, Silver Spoon,” Diamond Tiara hissed in her ear. “This is your chance to shine in front of the princesses.”
Silver Spoon would have given her friend an incredulous look, but again, terrified beyond all rational thought. Her legs seem to move on their own as her best friend nudged her rump with her shoulder and urged her to step forward. Unable to stop herself, or voice any sort of denial, she found herself walking out into the field and toward the ridiculous scene in front of her. The silly blank flank from Manehatten was whirling in place. The large chunk of wood between her teeth had to weigh nearly as much as she did so it was hard to say which was spinning whom. From this distance, Silver Spoon could see that her eyes were closed. What she hoped to accomplish was beyond comprehension. All she was doing was making a ridiculous spectacle of herself. She had expected better from a pony who was a resident of the most sophisticated city in Equestria. If she hadn’t already known it, this alone would have made it clear that the crop-tailed filly was an Apple.
The only scant comfort Silver Spoon had was that Diamond Tiara had not abandoned her after shoving her into the middle of this disaster. She was walking right next to her as the stupid snipe strolled toward the royal guards as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Which is why it was such a surprise when the weird little creature whispered in a voice just loud enough for their small group to hear. “I am so glad that you were there for us, Di. If you hadn’t taken that book, it might have been me and Sweetie Belle laying in the field covered in muck waiting to be arrested. And who knows how many ponies we might have hurt before that.”
Sweetie Belle stumbled as a horrified expression appeared on her face. At the same time, Diamond Tiara seemed to grow an inch or two as she stood up straight with her head high and her ears perked up. Silver Spoon wanted to yell at her to not fall for the creature’s tricks and empty flattery, but the weight of all the eyes on her depressed her normal arrogance and self-confidence and kept her silent even as she burned with frustration internally.
Their group paused just outside the ring of guards that circled the twins and the blank flank. One of the guards turned his head to look at them, an eyebrow quirked in inquiry as he glanced over their heads toward the princesses. Whatever he saw seemed to reassure him because, much to Silver Spoon discontent, he didn’t order them away. He even addressed the creature as if she were the pony in charge and not some freak. “What can I do for you, Princess Moonlight?”
Before the snipe could deliver whatever ridiculous explanation she had in mind, Scootaloo stepped forward. Snapping off a sharp crisp wing salute to her fellow pegasus she said, “Assistant Trainee Royal Guard Scootaloo, sir. On orders from Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, Princess Moonlight will handle this.”
The guard seemed both amused and relieved as he addressed his fellow guards. “Fall back, soldiers. Let Princess Moonlight handle this.”
Silver Spoon could not help but notice that the snipe flinched every time she was addressed as Princess Moonlight. She wasn’t surprised. There was no way that deformed creature was a real princess. And what sort of a name was, Moonlight Dancing on Water? Something so pretentious had to be fake.
Giving out a huge sigh, the snipe approached to about four pony lengths from the whirling foal. Silver Spoon had been looking forward to seeing the scrawny creature jump around like a bug as she tried to avoid the blindly bashing blank flank. Only, instead of that, the snipe settled down onto the ground for all the world like she was at a picnic, crossing her ungainly long stick like lower limbs as she did so. “So, Apple Bloom. Any idea what’s gotten into Babs? I would have thought she’d be using that club on the twins, not protecting them with it.”
Looking puzzled, but apparently willing to follow the snipe’s lead, more fool her, the farm pony sat down next to her. “Danged if I know. Last I knew, she didn’t want to get within a country mile of those two.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want the royal guard taking them prisoner before she has a chance to mess them up?” Scootaloo suggested in a questioning tone.
Silver Spoon had to break in. “The twins aren’t monsters. They are the highest of high society. I’m sure the blank flank had her feelings hurt because they treated her like the low-class pony she is. That is hardly their fault.”
“Yes, it is!” Came an angry shout. Silver Spoon realized that at some point during the conversation the Manehatten blank flank had stopped her blind thrashing about and dropped her silly weapon.
“They’ve been acting like total jerks! They never say anything nice about any other pony except for their stupid friends, who laugh at them behind their backs. When that stupid unicorn Cartier called me a dirty little earth pony, they laughed and told me to go find a mud puddle to play in!”
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes as the silly filly ranted. She wasn’t even talking to any of them anymore, she was just yelling at the world in general. But, even as she watched her fellow earth pony make a fool of herself, she couldn’t help but think about how dismissive the twins had been about everypony in Ponyville they met. Except herself of course. They were happy that she was there to act as a buffer between them and the townsponies. They even had a pet name for her, Pewter. But, there was no denying that they had little time for the common pony in the street. Well, why should they? If they paid attention to every pony who fawned over them they’d have no time for themselves.
“See. I told you that she just wanted to save them so she could whomp them herself,” Scootaloo spoke over the fools ranting.
“I do not! I just… I don’t…”
The snipe spoke up, putting words in Babs’ mouth. “You remember what they used to be like. You thought they were your friends and you wish they still were. You don’t want to say it because they hurt you so bad and you think you should hate them.”
All eyes snapped over to where Curry was sitting on the ground, stroking her chin with her spider-like paw. It made Silver Spoon shudder just looking at the pale wiggly thing.
Babs sputtered out a protest, “What? Of course not! How can you say that?”
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to make you mad. I was just trying to figure out why you were acting like you’d gotten into the locoweed. Seemed the best bet. You used to be friends, right?”
The filly didn’t look like she wanted to say anything, then she glanced over at the twins, who hadn’t even looked in their direction, or even moved, other than their heaving sides, for that matter. “They used to look after me while my mom was busy with their father. They played games and took me for walks and read to me. I thought we were friends. But then their real friends started laughing at their pet earth pony. And then they started teasing and laughing at me too, and playing mean pranks on me in front of their friends, and then even when their friends weren’t there.”
The snipe winced. “Yeah. I was going to say I knew someone I thought was a friend, but he turned out to be a low down skunk, and it really hurt something awful, but I still wanted to go back to the way it had been. But he weren’t nearly as bad as these two. He might have been a polecat, but I knew he’d never really hurt Jake. Never hurt any pony for that matter.”
Apple Bloom gave Curry a questioning look. “Why ain’t you getting into the line to whomp them your ownself? I know I would purely love to get a few licks in after they almost put a spell on Jake.”
Silver Spoon had been wondering that herself. Why hadn’t the vicious little monster taken revenge on the twins for daring to target her protege? Her eyes suddenly widened as realization struck her. The little monster didn’t have to take her vengeance because she already had. All the trials and tribulations the poor twins had suffered were the results of the vindictive snipe cursing them with bad luck.
Curry shrugged her shoulders as she answered Apple Bloom. “Well, that’s just silly. They didn’t hurt no pony worse than themselves. I just mostly feel sorry for them, I guess. Silver Spoon?”
Silver jerked at being addressed by the creature she now knew was far more dangerous than she had previously thought. She looked at the snipe in dread. What was she going to ask of her?
“Now that barbarian Babs has settled down, you want to see to yer friends?” the snipe suggested.
Silver Spoon fumed at the blatant manipulation of the cursed creature. The very last thing she wanted to do was to take suggestions from the snipe. That was how the fiendish creature had lured poor Diamond Tiara into her clutches. But there was no arguing with the fact that the twins badly needed help and a friend. And, just maybe, the wicked creature telling Silver Spoon to help meant that she had gotten her fill of their misery? Or did it mean that she wanted to get all three of them together in one easily targeted group?
“Oh, and you’d better mention to them that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ain’t falling for their act. So they can stop pretending.” The snipe’s voice had risen above her earlier quiet tone, and Silver Spoon saw the twin’s ears, which had been laying flat, twitch upward and swivel to catch every word. Perhaps the most disquieting thing was how their blank staring eyes suddenly became aware.
Silver Spoon looked at the snipe in renewed fear as she realized just how perceptive the creature was. The snipe had to be aware of just how deeply Silver despised her. And how determined Silver Spoon was to break her hold on Diamond Tiara. Was it only a matter of time before the snipe targeted her?
***
“I don’t know if I should be appalled, or impressed, with those two,” Celestia said quietly to her sister.
“Did thou not already suspect when you sent Curry?”
“Not really, no. Suggesting she call them on their subterfuge was merely a shot in the dark. Covering all the bases as it were.”
Out of the blue Luna suddenly announced, “I want them, sister!”
“I beg your pardon, Luna!”
Luna ignored her sister as she addressed the shadows above them. “Shadow Dash! Your assessment if you will. Do they have potential?”
“As positive or negative examples? ”There was a brief pause, then Shadow Dash continued slowly as if carefully choosing his words with care. “They certainly seem to have a lot of potential. I’m just not certain which way they’re going to bounce when dropped. They could wind up some of the most influential ponies of their time, but I’m just not sure how that influence will play out. If you allow them to skate free of their actions now, you could end up creating a serious next generation problem. But you already know that, Highness. I assume we are both considering the same solution if you are asking me my opinion.”
Celestia looked gravel. “Is the risk worth it?”
“I simply don’t know them well enough,” Shadow Dash growled. “ Right now I’d say I’ve seen recruits just as messed up as them who became fine guards, but I’ve seen others who were nowhere near as bad, who ended up getting banished, and good riddance to bad rubbish. But, having said all that, there is no better way to discover what a pony is made of then to put them through basic training.”
Luna interjected. “You can not fool me, sister. Even now I can see your mind struggling to find some way to punish them, while at the same time turning them into productive ponies you can take pride in.”
Celestia sighed in resignation. “I can only argue with the ‘you’ part of your statement. Rather I would say, that ‘we’ can take pride in. You know me too well, Luna. Very well, you may have them.”
“Huzzah! This shall be so much fun!”
***
Out in the field, the twins felt an icy shiver run up and down their spines. And it had nothing to do with the cold cloying muck that coated their formerly pristine coats and pulled at their hides with every twitch of their muscles. Bad enough to be under the eye of the princesses for inappropriate behavior, but to look like they’d just finished rolling around in filth on top of that was beyond humiliating. They just gave thanks that there were no camera or press nearby. The newspaper editors in Canterlot would give up their first born for a picture of them in this condition.
A sudden flash of light announced the presence of a small spindly pegasus foal floating overhead with a camera nearly as big as he was.
If they had not been afraid of smearing even more unmentionable muck over their faces, and maybe getting some of it in their mouths, the twins would have face-hoofed.
In the midst of their mutual misery the twins became aware of their maidservant attempting to coerce them up and onto their hooves.
“Please, you have to get up and go to the princesses,” the silly maid pled.
That was ridiculous. They didn’t have to do anything. Least of all something a mere maid had suggested. They were the Tower Twins. They didn’t do anything they didn’t want to do. A sudden whip-crack caused the twin’s ears to twitch and swivel in the direction of the shockingly loud sound, but it was what followed that truly motivated them.
“Ow!” Pearl let out a startled whinny and jumped to her hooves as a lash of fire seared across her rump. Tourmaline was right behind her as she let out her own cry of startled pain. Both ponies twisted to look at their abused cutie marks, expecting to see a livid welt it hurt so much, but their cutie marks were concealed under a layer of muck, and the only evidence to be seen was a long depression in the disgusting stuff. The lack of visible physical trauma somehow made the pain seem even worse.
Whirling in place they both spotted the weird creature they had seen here and there in Ponyville, and who had just recently approached them along with the maid and a bunch of other locals. The creature that had called them out on their mostly, pretend distress. She was spinning a length of rope in one of her paws while a coil of the same rope was held in her other strangely shaped claws. They both realized simultaneously that the spinning rope and this creature were responsible for their painful posteriors.
“Why you little monster,” Tourmaline snarled as she set herself to charge the creature, only to rear back when the tail end of the rope snapped in front of her muzzle with a loud crack.
Lashing the rope from one side to the other the creature produced a steady stream of cracks as she advanced on them. They backed nervously away, their eyes never leaving the spinning blur or rope.
“Stop! You can’t do this to the Tower Twins. Don’t you know who they are?” Pearl and Tourmaline blinked in surprise at their local maid jumped in front of them and faced down the creature.
“I know they’re the ponies who attacked Jake in front of the princesses. I know that the longer they run away the angrier the princesses are going to get. I know if I have to I’ll wrap a rope around each of their pretty necks and have the guards drag them in front of the princesses.” The creature answered back with a low, but very intense and angry, tone.
“No, you won’t,” Pearl snarled as she reached out with her magic to grab the twirling rope and dragged it toward her. Her eyes went wide with shock and horror as the evil thing simply pulled the rope out of her magic as if it wasn’t even there.
***
Princess Luna arched a surprised eyebrow. “Now that is interesting.”
Rarity offered, “It’s not the first time she’s done something like that. She has pulled things out of my magic on several occasions.”
“Even more interesting,” Princess Celestia remarked.
Celestia turned to ask Twilight for her opinion and let the words go unsaid. Twilight was fully engrossed in Starswirl’s student journal. The princess knew the expression Twilight was currently sporting all too well. Catching her attention and explaining why she had done so would be far more trouble than it was worth as many a prior experience had taught her. Unless there was some overriding need to do so, it was best to just let Twilight’s current obsession run its course.
***
Showing great daring, and an atypical disregard for her personal appearance, Silver Spoon rushed forward even as the twins continued to try and yank Curry’s rope away from her. Wrapping her legs around Pearl’s neck, while her entire body shivered in loathing at being smeared with the muck covering the high-society pony, she hissed into the rich filly’s ear. “You have to surrender. She’s already used her magic to punish you for trying to cast a spell on Prince Jake. If you don’t stop resisting she might turn you and your sister into lizards or something worse.”
Tourmaline was close enough to hear Silver Spoon, and she and her sister turned despair-filled eyes toward her. “But we can’t. Look at us. How can we go in front of the princess looking like this?”
The rope whirling in Curry’s hand slowed and then went limp as she looked at the two muck covered fillies in consternation. “You mean the only reason you two was playing possum, and refusing to surrender was because you didn’t want to stand in front of the princesses looking like you was drawn through a knothole backward?”
Curry’s tone of voice added the unspoken. You idiots.
Yep they are idiots
Sir Tiberius looks up from his mud pie. Victims called?
I'd use stronger words, but I agree. I've reported to my commanding officer looking worse. Hell, once I was braced by a one-star while covered in Break-Free and cosmoline. And when he learned WHY I was such a mess, he had words with the irresponsible people who'd put me in that position.
Dammit, you two - admit to your mistakes, own up to what you've done, and take what you've got coming with honesty and courage. You're bad off now. Sniveling because you look like you've been shat upon from a great height will merely make matters worse, not better.
.
Time for Science! With
Loco is Spanish for “crazy.” Locoed behavior results from locoweed-induced neurologic damage. Most of the time animals become depressed and lethargic.
With chronic locoweed poisoning, livestock become emaciated and wasted as they lose the ability to find and utilize feed. Although some may die of starvation, most die from misbehavior.
I guess we are going to see if Curry's magical hands can turn these two into something worthwhile.
9715371
Getting into the Locoweed is also slang for unexplained stupid behavior.
Luna's dad joke was hilarious. I love how this is all working out. It's great to see Curry approaching Babs with reason. I'm sure the Princesses and the guards noticed that as well. Very good update and I look forward to reading the next one.
9715247
Sounds like there might be a story behind that.
9715386
Oh no, no, no, no, no. The twins are going to WISH it was Curry turning them into something worthwhile. Princess Luna and Drill Instruction Shadow Dash are sending them to Hoofcamp.
Finally caught up.
I always do enjoy the moments where Curry takes the spotlight, and it's always interesting to see her magic manifest.
Curry's magic looks like a job for Green Grass next time he swings through Ponyville. He's good at teaching magic without seeming to.
9716866
Not being ruled out.
9716644
I'm sure they will keep an eye on her, Twilight as well. But as of right now there is no urgency or need to push things. As with Cutie Marks they might be working on the assumption of 'it will happen when it happens.'
9716154
I have a terrible, awful, fate in store for the twins as Curry tries to solve two problems with one stone.
I was just re-reading the excellent Drifting Down the Lazy River, and I saw this quote, and thought of this chapter:
Including Princess Moonlight Dancing on Water, there are now four princess on the field. What noun would you use? How about when they all go back to Fluttershy's, where Princess Gilda-I-can't-remember-her-name awaits? How many princesses can we cram into one small rural cottage?
9716154
A very short story.
I was stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado. We were doing large scale field training and had just returned to the barracks, The CO said that once our gear was cleaned and stored properly, we had the rest of the weekend off as free leave.
A group of junior officers, not wanting to wait, called in some off-the-book favors and DEMANDED a gunsmith from the maintenance unit clean their weapons for them, so THEY could leave early and get a jump-start on emptying the beer supply of Colorado Springs.
I was the poor sucker so selected. So picture this:
The traditional shadowy empty warehouse from every cheap crime movie you've ever seen (yes, Ft. Carson had a few), with tables piled with the rifles and pistols the junior officers didn't want to clean. And me - only me! - sitting at one of those tables, cleaning those weapons one by one, and swearing loudly while I did so, impugning their ancestors and implying that goats and sheep figured prominently in their family trees.
About the time I got really creative, a voice out of the shadows addressed me. "Oh? Tell me more, private."
I came to attention, HARD, and saluted by reflex. Good thing, too. Because it was a one-star with his adjutant who has addressed me.
There I was, covered in Break-Free (it's a brand name), cosmoline, carbon fouling and other crap... and I had the personal attention of a one-star general. NOT GOOD.
He very much wanted to know why I was in a building that wasn't supposed to be occupied, cleaning weapons that to his information weren't supposed to be here, and he wanted to know right the f**k now.
So I told him.
He smiled coldly (jesus, I still have nightmares about that smile nearly 40 years later) and sent his adjutant to round up the commanders of all the junior officers who'd skipped cleaning duty, and ordered THEM to round up their junior officers. NOW.
When everyone (a lot of UNHAPPY "everyone") was assembled, the general drew his personal M1911 and had me critique it. Then he announced that I'd be giving a lecture on how to properly clean and maintain ones personal weapon, and he'd be sitting to one side, enjoying their misery, so they'd better well damn listen because next they'd be cleaning their own damn weapons themselves, while he and I watched.
And to rub it in, he sent his adjutant for coffee and sandwiches. For himself, his adjutant, and me. And no one else.
Which kind of drove the point home.
I spent the rest of that evening judging if those officers had cleaned their weapons properly, with the general himself going first, and then standing by my side daring his subordinates to try this $hit again while he was watching.
Scariest [CENSORED] night of my life that didn't involve people shooting at me.
9718211
Yeah, when the gods notice you, it's scary as hell, regardless of whether they're angry at you or not.
I will have to remember this story the next time I wonder why ponies don't just loosen up around Celestia or Luna.
9718540
Everyone knows about the Chinese curse. "May you live in interesting times." but it's only one of a set. One of the others is. "May you come to the attention of important people." More or less.
9716877
Oh boy am I looking forward to it.
9718211
Damn, I might've crapped my boots. I bet that was a memorable night for everyone. Thanks for sharing.
9718579 Everyone is about to live in VERY interesting times.
The Plan is now in Stage 3.
Those twins are really lacking in common sense and I'm wondering waht it means that Curry can simply pull things out of a unicorn's magic. I assume that it's unusual but nothing about it has been mentioned before and Rarity doesn't seem to think it's all that important.