After a stressful day of rehearsing with the Ponytones, and having included Sweetie Belle in her practice, Rarity takes her sister out for some ice cream, but when an argument at the restaurant ensues, the two find themselves in a contest to eat a huge dessert called the Ice Cream Island Challenge.
Okay, this is cute.
Just one minor issue: Your dialogue punctuation is almost right, in that you are ending characters' dialogue with commas instead of periods and treating dialogue-plus-dialogue-tag as a single sentence, which is exactly what you're supposed to do. (Yay! ) However:
when you have dialogue followed by a dialogue tag, do not capitalize the first word outside the closing quote unless it's someone's name, or the pronoun "I" (which is always capital, of course). If it's a pronoun ("he", "she", etc.), or an attribution like "the waiter", it doesn't get capitalized:
Aside from the lack of spacing, and other minor grammar issues, this was a rather, if you'll excuse the pun, "sweet" fic.
4428073 Thank you, I always forget that part of grammar. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
4430493 Indeed it was.
4432244 Yeah, that was intentional as well.
Okay that was cute.