This story is a sequel to The Rainy Day
While the CMC play in Apple Bloom's barn, a storm forms outside. They are stuck in the barn, and to make matters worst two of the biggest bullies get trapped in the same barn with them.
Can the CMC come to terms with Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara? Will Captain Scootaloo and Apple Bloom ever find Candy Island?
Special thanks to Dustin Lange for helping me to improve this story, check him out!
Cover art by Jacob Bading. Another guy you should check out!
Chapters (1)
Well, now I can fave it!
You had to challenge the universe didn't you, Sweetie Belle? Ugh, I hate this dialogue to the core!
Oh no! They're reenacting the Misadventures of Flapjack! Cap'n, abort ship!
"in disgust"
"in disgust"
"in disgust"
blank flanksx9
deadly tone
a line that tells us why DT is over protective rather than taking that idea and expanding the ending with it to add a more heartwarming scene between DT and SS. Or something.
I'm a little curious as to what this fic was like before intervention to make it 'better' because I could only cringe with how often blank flanks was used when she even admits she never cared about whether they were blank flanks since it was used as a way to get a reaction from them. Ponyville Confidential shows her making compliments and enjoying her time around the CMC, proving she can work with others, even if she later throws a tantrum when the CMC finally learn their lesson when the stuff they did finally started hitting home for them.
And Twilight Time. Come on. Silver was moaning and practically making lovey-dovey faces in this fic all too quickly despite how she, on her own, makes up some of the harshest comments and funny faces at the CMC.
Fic could of used more pacing. DT characterization is sorely lacking. I don't mind the story itself, though the bits above got over used in such a small amount of time, could of used words such as jealousy or anger. Looking at ponies like she was looking at some pile of manure just seems extreme when used so much.
I'd remove the line of seeing into DT's mind and what she's feeling and thinking, "she just didn't want the filly's heart to be broken as hers was", and expand that to a heart to heart apology with Silver.
Silver is shown as a loyal and caring friend in the canon series toward Diamond Tiara. She even has thoughts of her own and isn't afraid to let DT know when she's crossing a line. Apple Family Appreciation Day and Pinkie Pride, and Twilight Time.
Write the same story as all the other Silver Spoon writers do. It's okay. People eat it up. You already get some points of originality for not ending it with the usual "And Silver Spoon and the CMC lived happily ever after, once Silver Spoon dropped her best friend she only pretended to like for however many years."
Sorry, I just want to go Juggernaut through a few dozen walls with my head when I feel I'm finally reading something that looks like it might finally break away from pile of breakup stories, to one who at least tries to do something close to show canon and EXPAND on what we know with characters. This fanon Silver Spoon who feens for CMC love and attention is just... BORING. Unrelatable.
This may seem harsh. But bare with me. Don't be the 1216467242178 "Silver Spoon befriends breaks it off so she can be with the CMC" story writer. Think I'm making up how common that fanon is? Check out the Silver Spoon group. Check Redemption folder. Check any story not from Mudpony, Mattricole, or Yukito and Bootsyslickmane.
You had potential to show Silver Spoon knowing how to push DT's buttons, how to get her to react and show off how much fun she was having while trying to get DT to join in with the way she plays with DT. DT has to do something fun with Silver aside from that foalish flank-bump hoofshake; heck that's like their Team Rocket trademark and hardly anyone writes them ever doing it.
Anywho, I'd a added at least a few hundred extra words at the least to that ending. Leaving it to the reader for interpretation there after that DT part just ruins it for those who want SS to break up with DT and ruins it for those who read the line hoping for an actual heart to heart moment as to why DT is so bossy with her at times.
That's it. No more from me. Story isn't bad. Story isn't good. Story needs a bit of a fixer upper. Also, not sure if you're trying to give SS an accent but she is "bored" not "board".
Anyhow, take this with a grain of salt. It's not YOU or this fic that I find disappointing. It's mostly the fanon troupes with Silver that is just very disappointing.
4611411
um thank you? I'll be sure to change some things.
4611899 Heh, yeah~ well, it wasn't the nicest way to put things, for that I'm sorry. But the story looks and reads better than the last and the ending has an ending now, which even leaves room for a potential prequel as to what their past friends were like or some secret play dates.
Anyhow, nice changes towards the latter half. Have a like.
4613137
Thank you! And thank you for pointing out those flaws.
4611411 Eh, I kinda agree.
I like it. But I think Apple Bloom would have been pissed at Diamond ans Silver tress passing. I would have kicked their flanks out-a there!
Aww, Diamond does have a heart.
Although 'writs' should be 'wrist'. Another classic. 