A HiE fic about one CIA deep cover assassin that was betrayed and killed by the ones he trusted. Now he finds himself in Equestria with nothing but the clothes on his back and his blades. Oh and don't forget his magic!
Okay this story is just WTF through out the whole chapter. First you reintroduced Luna and celestia again like it never happen before than the time inconsitencies with the whole being alive one thousand, five hundread years ago. That is bullshit since one thousand five hundread years ago the term police was not used at all and there was no guns during that time since you said he was 10 so how does that even work, Then the whole overpowered stuff your character has, speaking of character the main character is so generic and uniteresting I Just cant stand it. Im sorry but your story is not that good. You need to read some classic and good stories like Holes, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, Enders game, the lord of the rings series ect. Heck there are some very good fanfictions for this fanbase and others (not including twilight, stay far away from twilight). Then when you got the litierary knowledge for a good story then write again. Cause again im sorry to say it but its boring, stale and it leaves this bad feeling in me when reading it. If I rememeber correctly there was a nostalgia critic episode about avatar the last airbender and he makes some good remarks that can help a understand whats important in a story.
to me this story strikes me as follows: humerus, entertaining, sad, happy, and grim dark. But me being a person of darkness i like this story. Of coarse i like the others aspects of this story. And it could a small amount of editing, but definitely not the worst I've seen. It's actually one of the best I've seen without the help of an editor. I congratulate you for that. And would love to see this story update if it's not too much trouble
So, now i am back after a few... interesting things have happened... We were created. I was getting to that! But you take too long for that!! Joy! calm down, and yes, you do take quite some time to introduce us. Whaterver, so yeah, apparently i have either gone insane or these fictions are getting me, BAD. And that is bad how? Because others will think he is insane. Probably because he really is? How about you shut up, Rage? Still don't give a fuck. RANDOM COMMENT!!! Don't mind joy, he likes to do that... Kinda like Pinkie... Anyway, last but not least is Relaxation! Pretty sure you can imagine how he is... Hello. What? In a good way. Oh, okay.
5127973 I am writing the next chapter but school and work has been getting in my way so I haven't had any time to write. But I am getting there! Just really slowly. Trust me I would write all the time but I can't. 5135235 I have no clue what the fuck just happened...
5136637 I don't mind that reasoning!! i have school so i know what you're going through. While kick and watch what happens. How would you like to take the wheel? Nnnope. Thought so. Though, it is funny to see what to others during that day. YEAH!! Like when that guy got kicked in the nutts!! I guess his form of comedy can get pretty morbid from time to time...
Very bored. Yet wide awake. So I chose to explore a bit. Y'know, walk around the castle. At night. Maybe get something to eat. At night. Or see if anyone is up. At night.
This story seems interesting.
4968904 Yeah... I'm gonna try to keep it that way!
This seems like a cool story.
Nice story, thou hast caught mine interest. Also the doct'r huzzah!!!!!!!!
4970973 Yup Next chapter will revolve around Mal and The Doctor so stay tuned for that.
Okay this story is just WTF through out the whole chapter. First you reintroduced Luna and celestia again like it never happen before than the time inconsitencies with the whole being alive one thousand, five hundread years ago. That is bullshit since one thousand five hundread years ago the term police was not used at all and there was no guns during that time since you said he was 10 so how does that even work, Then the whole overpowered stuff your character has, speaking of character the main character is so generic and uniteresting I Just cant stand it. Im sorry but your story is not that good. You need to read some classic and good stories like Holes, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, Enders game, the lord of the rings series ect. Heck there are some very good fanfictions for this fanbase and others (not including twilight, stay far away from twilight). Then when you got the litierary knowledge for a good story then write again. Cause again im sorry to say it but its boring, stale and it leaves this bad feeling in me when reading it. If I rememeber correctly there was a nostalgia critic episode about avatar the last airbender and he makes some good remarks that can help a understand whats important in a story.
4988074 Thanks for your input, bro. Sorry this story wasn't able to keep (or even gain) your interest.
to me this story strikes me as follows: humerus, entertaining, sad, happy, and grim dark. But me being a person of darkness i like this story. Of coarse i like the others aspects of this story. And it could a small amount of editing, but definitely not the worst I've seen. It's actually one of the best I've seen without the help of an editor. I congratulate you for that. And would love to see this story update if it's not too much trouble
Looks like a Celestia shipping is underway. You've got my attention.
5019926 lolz.
5008949 well. Thank you sir! The next chapter is underway, but it might take me some time due to school being back in...
5021662 i understand, the priorities of school delay my work in projects as well.
Nope no can go without meat for over a year nah i'm Done not gonna bother to read oh yeah i'm an omnivore but i dont Need to eat meat.
5041149 lolz. He said probably a year. He might only be able to go five or six months...
5044080 yeah but still i like the intro though good job but i cant read stuff like this i mean no offence to you you are a very good writer.
5045016 Well thanks for the input. This is my first story so I'm glad u think I'm good
5047468 perhaps your second story you could make the main guy or girl a omnivore that eats meat ja you know what i mean.
5049949 Lol yea I'll do that.
5051456 thanks gonna follow you now or stalk you
5053841 OMG he's stalking me!!
5053848 yup you should feel honored the first dragonborn is stalking you
5053891 Then honored I shall feel!
5053912 yay
Will the relationships go by the herd system? Please say yes!
5057102 Hmmmm... Wait and see! And if it does, most likely it wil be a royal herem. :
So, now i am back after a few... interesting things have happened...
We were created.
I was getting to that!
But you take too long for that!!
Joy! calm down, and yes, you do take quite some time to introduce us.
Whaterver, so yeah, apparently i have either gone insane or these fictions are getting me, BAD.
And that is bad how?
Because others will think he is insane.
Probably because he really is?
How about you shut up, Rage?
Still don't give a fuck.
RANDOM COMMENT!!!
Don't mind joy, he likes to do that... Kinda like Pinkie...
Anyway, last but not least is Relaxation! Pretty sure you can imagine how he is...
Hello. What?
In a good way.
Oh, okay.
i hope you continue
5127973 I am writing the next chapter but school and work has been getting in my way so I haven't had any time to write. But I am getting there! Just really slowly. Trust me I would write all the time but I can't.
5135235 I have no clue what the fuck just happened...
5136637 I don't mind that reasoning!! i have school so i know what you're going through.
While kick and watch what happens.
How would you like to take the wheel?
Nnnope.
Thought so.
Though, it is funny to see what to others during that day.
YEAH!! Like when that guy got kicked in the nutts!!
I guess his form of comedy can get pretty morbid from time to time...
5136716 Watching a guy get kicked in the nuts is funny...
5136744 Yeah it is, it's just very unexpected from Joy. It's usually Rage who has the morbid sense of comedy.
Yup.
5136813 Meh...
5136825 Surely, you understand?
5136829 Yeah I understand..
5136840 That's good to hear.
Remind me heat.
Ok two things
troll.me/images/at-night-spongebob/working-on-cosplay-at-night-thumb.jpg
Doctor Who?