Wrath consumes me. Day after day, nothing changes. I remain confined to this chamber in the tallest tower in the palace. The guards outside the doors never speak with me. If nothing else, they fear me. As they should.
I still have not forgotten. The six bearers… Traitors, all of them! I witnessed them make that solemn promise. They knew what they were up against and they knew what they had to do. He was oblivious to the danger and nothing we could have said could have prepared him for what to expect. They knew this too and vowed to keep him safe from both Discord and themselves. And they failed. And the cost? His life!
Discord may be gone forever, but the wrath remains with me. Every waking moment, I feel nothing but bitterness. They know not what they had robbed of me. That man… The first to ever see me as a mare and not a monster. The only man to ever hold my heart… My love, why did this happen? How could they fail you like this?! They were your dearest friends and they threw you away! You may have ended Discord’s reign of anarchy forever, but the cost was still too great!
How long has it been since I awoke to find myself confined to this chamber? A week? A barrier still stands. I cannot escape. Even teleportation does not bypass it. My sisters… They must have known the grudge I hold once I heard what had become of my beloved. And from the traitors themselves, no less. If only this barrier was not here, I would hunt each of them down.
The guards… Where were they? There are always two stations just outside the door. I heard someone coming. And then I saw her. Celestia.
“Are you well, Nightmare Moon?” She asked solemnly, all too aware of my heartache and rage.
I answered her the same I always do. “Are you here to release me or to lecture me once more?”
She paused. Her eyes looked away momentarily before she replied. “I am here to inform that the funeral begins soon. His body has been prepared and we are ready to depart. And…I would be honored if you could attend as well.”
For the sake of being fair, I spoke in return. “Will the six of them be attending as well?”
“Of course. He was…dear to them, so they will naturally attend.” She seemed to know why I was asking. That look in her eyes showed a silent fear.
I growled as I spoke from within the shadows of the dimly lit chamber. “Then you would be wise to keep me confined here, or I will slaughter them on sight and mount their heads on a pike.”
For once, she did not answer. And yet, she did not depart. It took some time, but she finally spoke. “Sister… I know he was precious to you. And, given different circumstances, if you and he had become an item, you would have my eternal blessings. But please… As your sister, I implore you. Hold onto your sorrow if you desire, but let go of your rage. It…”
How dare she… Did she truly know nothing of loss? Could she even comprehend the agony I was in? I bombarded the unseen barrier before the open door with magic lightning, but to no avail. “Silence! What do you know of rage or loss! He was my guiding light! The path that led me out of the shadows! Without him, I am forever lost! You cannot comprehend what I have lost! And all because of them!”
I was then suddenly silenced when my sister snarled at me, a wave of flame being unleashed against the barrier between us. She was prepared to cast another. There was something she wanted to say and I felt compelled to listen. “Nightmare Moon. You are correct. I do not know loss and wrath like you do. And yet…I envy you.”
Those words… She? The Princess of the Dawn, envious of me? “Explain yourself… What could you, the one who has everything, possibly envy me for?”
Tears beginning to cascade down her face, she spoke softly, yet sternly. “I have seen the two of you bond. And truly, the two of you were fine friends. But during the brief times I was with him, I felt something…new. I saw within him…a kindred spirit. And I see why. He was the sun to your moon. Your, as you said, guiding light. And I saw myself within him. I often asked myself why I waited until just recently to finally get to know him while you and our sister bonded quickly and spent much time with him.”
A quiet sob escaped her lips. I always thought that Celestia had always been…distant to him. But in recent weeks, we spent a fair amount of time with him. How I miss those days… And the two of them showed such great chemistry. So much in common. Indeed, he was much closer to the light than the dark. Just like her. And she finally spoke once more. “Only now I will never know how close we could have become. You knew his friendship and love while I only got a taste of it. I miss him too, sister. You should know that. But that is not all I wanted to say to you.”
It was so conflicting… I felt both concern and anger as I listened to her. But there was still much she wanted to say, so I listened. “I know why it is you can’t let go of your anger. It is a means to cope with your pain. If you have someone to blame, someone to seek vengeance on, it becomes more bearable. And in your eyes, they were to blame. And in a way, your views are correct. They did indeed fail to fulfill their promise. But you must never forget, sister. The true puppet master who orchestrated his demise. The six bearers are not to blame, Nightmare Moon. The guilty party is Discord. And I know that it is difficult to direct your anger and hatred toward one who is no longer alive to harm.”
…She… I did not want to admit it, but… Celestia was right. Discord… He was once again the source of great turmoil. And now his actions have forever robbed us of something precious. “We were fools to believe that there was any hope of salvation for his shattered soul. Despair and loss had twisted him into a demon obsessed with chaos to drown his sorrow. Perhaps… Perhaps in James, he saw a way out. A way to end his misery where we could not. Discord was set free, Nightmare Moon. And he will never return. If you must, cling to your sorrow. But let go of your wrath knowing that he who has wronged us is no more and died horribly for his sins.”
It was true. I have seen the aftermath of the hellish battle. Whatever it was that occurred, my beloved must have surely given that monster hell… Even if it meant becoming a monster himself… Discord, you monster… You… I will never forgive you for what you have done… If you were still alive, I would destroy myself.
I could not contain myself. I felt my wrath leaving me. My tears flowed as my sister tearfully spoke to me. “Do not hate them for a failure they could not prevent. They are suffering greatly at this moment as well, sister. Their pain is your pain and their loss is your loss.”
I saw the barrier fade. My sister rushed to my side and held me as I wailed. With the anger gone, only despair remained. My love… I know not what I will do now that your guiding light has faded… Wait for me… I will be seeing you one final time… What happens then… I cannot say. Without you, I am lost…
What?!?! This is awesome!!! I am loving the emotions here man!! I was waiting for Fluttershys moment and now Nightmare. A pox on those who deny this stories depth.
Sorry for the unresponsiveness as there is nothing to say other than what is said already about this story being excellent with each chapter being more sad and emotional than the next
5079146 Yeah, there was no real way to avoid that part. The thing that makes the difference in the other one is how it's revealed and how the whole thing is handled.
you know for a fact that I am constantly reading every new chapter, and you were very correct in what you said to me, the fluttershy chapter did throw me for a loop. but now this one and what I think will be the next few, I'm positive that those will not only bring tears to my face and drive a spike through my heart, but I'm positive they will also force me to smile through the pain. because I can only guess that there will be small rays of sushine peaking through the thunderstorm.
I love it!!! The feels!!!!
5079277 If I may ask, what have you loved most about the story thus far?
Some closure man it's hard to see them suffer this much
I understand why you would want to write this, but you are dragging it out a bit too much.
I read all the chapters, and while they were all worth reading, they became a bit repetitive.
Dude I have been following this story since I found it on fanfiction.com over a year a ago. I honestly was wondering after Mortal Choas is you would do this and it's so real. I mean just because it's Equestria and he's the hero doesn't mean things can't turn bad and I love how you decided to persue that 'what if' scenario. The moment the girls find him and the Element of Humanity shatters, it's a whole new story. Keep it up man. You're makinge tear up with these stories. Also, how goes getting 'The Lost Element' published?
I also realized I didn't really answer your question. I have to say I really like you showing the other side of life. For most of the original story all is good and life is great. There are a few issues, just like normal life, but it has a good feel about it. And the. The big fight happens and then a precious life is lost. Making everyone question themselves and what more they could have done. That too is a normal occurance when people lose loved one. You added the downfalls of life with this addition. And now we see how they girls will handle this turn.
5079373 I know, I've actually started to notice that. I'm hoping I can prevent that in future chapters. It's just when more than one character is suffering in the same way, it's difficult to change it up.
5079401 At this rate, I don't think it's going to happen. Equestrian Publications seem to be extraordinarily picky about the content they print and have not gotten back to me on anything I ask.
5079441 I doubt it, there are only so many ways one can express loss and anger, and you have just about exhausted your arsenal.
5079451 Well that stinks. Hopefully they change their mind.
Huh.... That went better than expected. But yeah, you really need a break, sometimes writing these kinds of things may have a much more of an impact on you then everyone else.
So all and all, nicely done.
I rarly poste any comments. But i read a tons of Story's. So just for you to know that we or I am here. And I can say. Never did i encounter such a deep feeling for a Story like it's here the case.
But only work on it when you feel the way. No pice of art shuld be rushed.
( sorry for my bad english )
I wonder how the rest of the girls will react to Fluttershy's news. I wonder if she will even want to tell them!
I wonder how Nightmare Moon will react when she finds out.
Also, to your observation of "tiny amount of precious feedback", I'm sorry for that. I'd comment more, but I can't always figure out what exactly to say. I've been supporting you and The Lost Element and it's related stories for a while now, and I want you to know that I absolutely love it. I always get a small sense of joy when I see one of these stories updated.
Like what has been stated already, I rarely post as all I would be doing is repeating what others have said. I still read every chapter and await, with baited breath, any and all updates. I seriously can't wait to see what happens next.
Oh yes....THE FEELS!!!!
Do what needs to be done, I shall wait and see. Honestly, the feelings that are instilled in these chapters always leave me too stunned and emotional to respond most times. I will say I look forward to its continuation. Eventually.
5079342
Naturally. It should be said that this story isn't the be-all tell-all since the course of actions will differ to a degree, and anyone who has done orienteering with a compass knows, if you are off even by one degree, you will come out miles away from your intended destination.
So he's coming back right like he'll strike a deal with with the devil or death or he'll fight his way out of hell or something right RIGHT!?
God damnit I am not a person to cry during sad stories but fuck man HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME THIS STORY HAS ME IN FUCKIN TEARS HALF THE TIME
Five Readers? Make it Six bro, ya got me here
In regards to lack of feedback, while I can't speak for everyone, personally I don't have much to give because to be frank, you're uploading them almost too frequently, and the POV shifting on each chapter leaves me with a sort of whiplash. The story is /good/; it's just the rapid perspective changes leave one disoriented.
For instance, I could give feedback for a particular characters perspective, such as Nightmare Moon or Rainbow (I really like the former's portrayal from rage to grief, while for the latter, I sincerely hope she doesn't give voice to her jealous/bitter thoughts in regards to Fluttershy and James' relationship), but the story as a whole? That's a bit trickier to do.
Hey. Umm... why is it on hiatus?
5123918 taking a break from it due to depressing nature of story and too little feedback when compared to my other shortest stories.
Welp, I read this in one sitting; I can only really describe it as "deliciously depressing" . It has been a little while since I've read something sad.
Before the recent 3 or so chapters of "The Lost Element" I posted a list of greviances with that story, the highest being that it is padded to hell, for what content is presented.
This though, it's better; it says what it needs to and doesn't take forever to do it.
I had been putting off reading this since I've only just today got caught up with TLE. I will say I like it, I'm almost wishing for some shitty deus ex machina to bring Jim back.
I'm eagerly waiting to see how NMM deals with Fluttershy being pregnant.
I shall chuck this on my faves bookshelf for now (re-enabling tracking was a bitch on my ipod) until I get a comp to do some proper bookshelf sorting.
Is 'The Price of Failure' going to be on hiatus for long? I've been banging my head on the table every day, hoping the next chapter will be released shortly. But I'm a very patient guy, so take all the time you need. I've been reading 'The Lost Element since the chapter 'Once a Year' was released. This is the most amazing story I've ever read and I hope you recover from your emotionally depressed state real soon. Every great story deserves to have a happy ending.
Well in my defense i did not know that this story existed until a few hours ago.
While the story is truly sad and depressing, it's really good i just spend like 3-4 hours reading all 15 chapters in one go, plus the new teaser chapter for "The Lost Element"
Other then that i rarely comment on any story, mostly i just give a fav or like or both, and when i do comment i just point out things typos, mistakes and such.
So don't be disheartened this is truly a good read, and im looking forward to the next chapter.
5173167 My response to seeing this.
"..... >o> THIS song?!"
5173216
Yes, that song.
Originally, I was going to link a different version used by a girl doing a pokemon nuzlocke, but then I figured if you hadn't read her comic you wouldn't get the full context and it'd lose some of it's meaning.
5173442 I'd like to see the comic if you have the link.
5173558
I went and retrieved the link. I couldn't verify it because my internet's being stubborn, but it should be the right comic.
http://pettyartist.deviantart.com/gallery/26843300/Nuzlocke-Challenge-Comics-LG
I'll be honest. i didn't know about this story untill today. kind of got lost with all my notifications and stuff.
THIS IS SUCH A SAD STORY! It can't end here. i'M STARTING TO TEAR UP MYSELF.
Keep up the good work
Great story so far I find it really emotional which is something I really enjoy in stories and it's something you don't find much in stories. though it is an alternative story it still is a possibility that could happen and the emotion that everyone who was influenced by James really made it a amazing story. I do wish to see the next chapter of the lost element but I do also wish to know what will happen in this story as well. awesome chapter and I look forward to the next one. I hope you have a good day as well.
5319599 There is a bookmark function and ever since the site was updated, it works perfectly.
But if you need a brief summery, the human protagonist becomes very close friends with the Mane Six to the point where their friendship serves as the foundation of his life in Equestria since he had been brought to their world with nothing. And when Discord breaks free and turns them into the opposite of what they once were, the shock and despair as well as the wrath directed towards Discord consumes the protagonist with madness that ultimately results in both sides suffering mortal injuries in the climax. This story follows the aftermath down the path where the protagonist did not survive and how those who knew him are affected by his passing.
5319625 Okay, thanks.
Color me surprised that your story doesn't have a lot of feedback.
I very much in joyed it!
Can't wait for that new chapter of the lost element.
Hope everything turns out alright!
What feedback is there to give, really? It's a pretty self-indulgent repetition of the same "oh woe is me, for Gary Stu has died" notion over and over for 15 chapters. There isn't much to comment on because nothing actually happens.
5423939 Oh joy, one of THOSE people. Okay, listen. You obviously don't understand what a Gary-Stu is. A Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu is a character who is inserted into a story, is INSTANTLY loved by everyone he/she comes across, can do no wrong, has abilities way better than the other characters, has no flaws, and wins every battle he/she fights. James is not a Gary-Stu.
1. He was not just inserted into the story.
2. He EARNED the love he got. He was chosen for being calm and collected, as well as being a generally nice guy.
3. Mortal Chaos.
4. He's a human in Equestria. His armor is actually fairly tame.
5. Mortal Chaos.
6. Mortal Chaos.
Notice how I said Mortal Chaos? In that chapter, he goes crazy, MURDERS Discord, and canonically almost dies. Yeah, that's not a win, that's not a flawless character, and that's doing some wrong. Gary-Stu is not a real term you can use to critique a character. So quit using it.
5443645
It says a lot that that's the part of my post you take issue with, not the "repetitive, no plot, nothing of interest happens" bit. It says more how emotional and defensive you are about it. Also he totally is. This kind of story is what parodies get written over.
5467237 Dude, it had already been said elsewhere, which is why I didn't focus on it. When so many people are greiving over the same thing, it will feel a bit repetitive. But it really helps drive the point home to me. And again I state, he isn't a Gary-Stu. That isn't even a real concept you can use to evaluate a character. It was made up by people who think that if anyone DARES to make a character who rivals or surpasses one of the established characters, then they are dumb and the character is dumb as well.
5467359
Come on, man. "Humanity" as an element of harmony is so conceptually stupid that it deserves to be made fun of just for that alone. Everything else is just icing on the "self-indulgent power fantasy" cake. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a bit of escapist fiction, but it doesn't really reflect well on your level of emotional maturity to throw a tantrum when someone calls it what it is.
5467442 I'm not throwing a tantrum. I'm merely stating my opinion. And Humanity isn't an Element of Harmony. This was explicitly stated in The Lost Element. It was created by the humans who once lived in Equestria. Personally, I think the dual nature of the Element is quite interesting. It was designed to be in touch with its bearer, and changes form and power based on the bearer's emotional state. It's very original that way. And last I checked, self-indulgent power fantasies have you mastering everything quickly. If this was a self-indulgent power fantasy, he would have just roasted Discord with Plasma and would have been no worse for wear. Instead, he practically burned his arm off.
5467621
I really don't care enough to read anything else in this series. But never mind anymore. This is the second time you've used this kind of argument and I'm really not willing to run my head into a wall of "you didn't match my personal definition of this term exactly therefore you are wrong" over and over.
5467644 I'm not forcing my definition down your throat. I am using what self-indulgent power fantasy means. Last I checked, it means a fantasy where you are the strongest person around, with untold amounts of power, which you then use to beat all of your enemies with complete ease. But hey, I could be wrong. And if you didn't read The Lost Element, why are you here? This is essentially a bad-end story for The Lost Element. You know, this actually explains a lot... And so does that story. How about you actually read the original story before you make complaints? That's like watching the finale of a show and basing all of the characters off of that one episode.
5467644
5467688
You guys done yet?
Golden Cyclone, I respect you for standing up for me, but I think this needs to stop. The comments section is not a place to argue.
As for wlam, Golden Cyclone has pretty much said most of what needs to be said already. The Element of Humanity has never been a part of the Elements of Harmony and its appearance and creators are an example of that with the creators not being ponies and the Element not sharing the Elements of Harmony's cut and polished gemstone look. Humanity was created to work with them as shown by it having no function by itself, but is an outside factor, not a part of the set. I've made that quite clear more than once unless you thought the characters were outright lying when it was stated and would thus destroy the continuity. I understand if you find the whole Seventh Element cliche to be overdone and stupid and I have to agree that it is something I would never consider writing, but having a new Element that works with the Elements of Harmony while at the same time NOT being an Element of Harmony at all is definitely something fresh and new that you don't see very often. The Lost Element might be the only story on the site that mixes things up like that. And if you need further proof, here's a little piece of a comment I found offsite from a guy who actually DOES understand what the Element of Humanity is all about.
Second, The Lost Element itself has a secondary function of delving into the workings of the concept of humanity itself. It's strengths, its weaknesses, etc. And as anyone can tell you, the concept of humanity is quite complicated. After all, one definition of humanity is "the quality of being human" which is what the Element of Humanity represents, hence it's changeable nature. As for a power quest, you really must not have read much at all. Along with James nearly getting owned by the two remaining Shadow Bolts before Rainbow Dash intervened after getting cocky from taking out one on his own, becoming overwhelmed and nearly killed by an enraged Nightmare Moon with sections of his armor even suffering significant structural damage, and nearly semi-intentionally winding up dead from a nihilistic insane assault on a handicapped Discord, there is no possible way that this could be a "self-indulgent power fantasy" unless you are one of those kinds of men who view surviving grave injuries as a show of awesome macho manliness which is an overdone stereotypical mindset. The armor does indeed grant James great power, but that alone does not make him the most powerful being on the planet especially when he has not yet mastered its capabilities. There will be other entities later on who will even surpass the power his armor bestows upon him, with one such entity being a villain he simply will not ever defeat.
Third, yes, perhaps this does get a bit repetitive in the displays of sorrow, but it's something that I can barely help. And I really am trying my best to keep all the characters from the show in character, which isn't difficult for me at all. Even so, it is understandable that this can get repetitive in some ways and not everyone will care for it.
Finally, Golden Cyclone does bring up a strong point. If you have not read the events that led to this alternate sequel in The Lost Element, you do not have the right to complain since you have not read the prior events to give this story context. In that regard, you have no point being here and your complaints are invalid. And if you cannot be bothered to go back and read everything that built up to this story, then turn around, walk away, never look back, and read something you actually like. You'll be happier that way.
Furthermore, in regards to the lack of feedback, true. I was somewhat frustrated over the lack if it. But what you provided was could barely even be considered feedback at all due to how brief and I informative it was. Do not criticize me on that when you are only willing to meet things halfway.
5467918 Yeah, sorry about that. I tend to do stuff like that when I really like something... But hey, keep up the good work man.
5467918
You're the one who complained that people don't give you enough feedback on this story, don't go blaming me now for doing just that. I don't really think I need a lot of background knowledge on what happens in your other stories to have an opinion on why this particular story's writing and plot doesn't really get people invested enough to comment on it.
Also, even though it was originally just a throwaway comment I never intended to get back to, listing the various and involved justifications for why random_earth_shmuck_1424 ended up turning into a superhero wizard and best friends with the elements and married to Fluttershy and redeeming Nightmare Moon and getting special presents and killing Discord and... oh whatever, you get the point... doesn't really do much except help confirm my first impression of what kind of character he is. Especially when your best comeback to "power fantasy" is "nuh uh, there's this one guy he can't beat." It's not like it's a judgment of you personally or anything, so I really don't know why both of you are so offended.
But yeah, I was about to take your advice anyway. I don't exactly see anything here to interest me.