Hellbent a thestral rightly accused of many acts of theft and other nefarious activities is caught on the day of the Canterlot invasion. One journalist wants to ask him why would he do the things he does. The answers he gets will not live up to his explanations as hellbent recounts tales of his life. also the question of Hellbent's fate looms as his court time comes closer.
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Just three things:
1- If it's base 4, why are the hoof blades 5 units long?
2- Hellbent is way too edgy a name. I can understand having a malicious talent, but this name is just too much. It's not at all like the show's style of naming.
3- This chapter is way too short and accomplishes very little. It mostly just serves as a very basic description of your OC. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, you might want to add more to it.
Also, the "start in the middle look back and then go forward story format" is called "in medias res". Just a helpful tip.
I forgot this last time, but your titles are lacking capitalization.
It should be
not
.
I have no idea who the hell is speaking.
4718794
yep, on it
If it's base 4, why are the hoof blades 5 units long?
Hellbent is way too edgy a name. I can understand having a malicious talent, but this name is just too much. It's not at all like the show's style of naming.
like a lot of criminals he picked up a pseudonym
not his real name
This chapter is way too short and accomplishes very little. It mostly just serves as a very basic description of your OC. While that's not necessarily a bad thing, you might want to add more to it.
I know its short, it is shorter than I would like. it did more or less what I wanted and it ended were I wanted it to I just could not think of a way to expand with out going in to the next chapters goal
Also, the "start in the middle look back and then go forward story format" is called "in medias res". Just a helpful tip. thanks
4719422 You should probably use the quote tag to separate my text from yours. It will increase the legibility of comments like that by a lot.