David walked towards the building, a Blackmesh officer on each side of him. He sighed.
He was told that years ago, conversion had been coveted. People would become colourful sapient equines that sometimes would have wings or magical horns. They did this so they could live in the ever expanding Equestria. Until the Human Liberation Front foolishly destroyed Equestria for ever. Gone were the days of pegasai and unicorns. Gone were the bright colours that the equinoids came in. Worst of all, after a hundred years, the converted would become regular farm animals.
David had made one small mistake. He had tried to steal a creditstick off of a very important elite. This was his punishment.
He walked through the doors. He gulped. A person was standing there, holding a small cup of sparkling purple liquid. David looked around to see if he could escape. The Blackmesh grabbed his arms. His clothes were ripped off. Then one of the Blackmesh forced his mouth open and the person holding the cup poured it into his mouth. David started screaming, but soon stopped as the anaesthetic kicked in.
*****
David opened his eyes. He was floating. He realised this must be one of those 'conversion dreams' he had been told about. He could see stars all around and floating rock. On one side of him was a representation of a herd of earthpony slaves. On the other was a representation of a herd of the original party-coloured equinoids that he had seen in holo-shows. As he watched, they slowly merged together.
There was a noise behind him.
He turned around. Behind him was a strangely large equinoid. It had a white coat and a very strange mane and tail, almost like it was a portal to another dimension. It also had both a horn and wings. He recognised from the holo-shows that this was Princess Celestia. There was one difference though. Her eyes were crazed, and her neck was severed, with what appeared to be purple blood coming out. As David watched though, the neck slowly started repairing itself.
Another large equinoid appeared. It had a dark blue coat, and an equally strange mane and tail as the other. It also had wings and a horn, which was glowing. It spoke one single sentence.
'We will be back.'
Then everything faded.
*****
'We are getting less newfoals these days.'
'Heh, then that means people are following the rules now. Looks like they're scared of being ponies, eh?'
'I guess so.'
David groaned. He struggled to sit up. As he tried, he realised that in place of hands he had hooves. He groaned again.
'Looks like this is my life now.'
There was a noise outside of, of, where was he anyway.
David looked around. He was inside some sort of stable. There was hay on the ground, and what appeared to be a water trough and a feeding trough. There was also a saddle and some reins on the back wall.
Suddenly, a human's head popped over the stable door. He looked back to what David assumed was his mate.
'Yup, he's awake.'
The human turned back round. 'Okay, listen here. You cause any trouble, you'll be the elite's dinner. I heard that Equestrians make very tasty meals. You just be a good horsie, and you might live, got that shit?'
David nodded.
'Right. Feeding is in half an hour. Tomorrow you will get training. I have to tend to some of the other newfoals now, so don't go anywhere, not that you can.' The human snickered as he left.
David sighed. He tried pushing the door open, but it was made out of the new development, woodcrete, which was very strong but looked and felt like wood, made for people who needed strong materials but also wanted pleasing aesthetics. He sighed again. The days of post-conversion euphoria were long gone. He decided to check himself out in the mirror that was on the stable door. He had a dull brown coat with a blonde mane and tail, and blue eyes. Newfoals only ever came out in dull colours now.
He yawned. The anaesthetic was still slightly affecting him. He decided to lay down in the hay and have a small rest while he waited for feeding. He closed his eyes. But he couldn't fall asleep. He was still a bit curious, so he decided to look around to see if there were any other stables around him and if there were others in them.
He leaned his forehooves on one of the walls and looked over it, surprised at how agile he was with his new body. Over the wall, he could see other stables with other ponies. On this side, there was a white stallion with a brown mane and tail and brown eyes. There was only one stable on this side. David decided to check the other.
On the other side there was three stables. The closest stable had a black stallion with green eyes and a white mane and tail. The next one on was a chestnut mare with a black mane and tail and blue eyes. The last one was empty.
David looked over his stable door. There was no humans, though there were probably guards outside. He saw a holographic clock on the wall, which said that it was a quarter to one. He guessed that feeding time must be at one o'clock, which meant that fifteen minutes had already passed. 'Time sure does fly,' he thought to himself.
'Hey, up here.'
David looked up. The black stallion was looking at him over the wall. 'What?'
'Come talk to me,' the stallion replied.
David leaned his forehooves an the wall again.
'I noticed you are new here,' said the stallion.
David rolled his eyes. 'What gave it away?'
The stallion kept talking. 'I only got here yesterday. The government punishes such stupid little things with conversion. All I did was steal a little bread. What did you do?'
'I tried to steal an elite's creditstick,' David replied.
'Woah, that's big. Anyway, my name's Alexander. Yours?'
'David.'
'Well, David, I guess that's that. It's nearly feeding time, so we better get down before the humans get here. Talk to ya later David.'
'See ya later Alexander.' David realised he felt a little better after talking to Alexander. He had never talked to many people before, because he didn't trust anyone. David had never felt good about talking to someone until now. He found that interesting. Maybe conversion hadn't changed as much as he thought it did. He felt better than he had ever felt before. It almost felt like conversion wasn't a punishment.
Suddenly he heard a door bang open. 'FEEDING TIME!'
He heard something being poured out of a bucket. Some food and water fell out of dispensers in the ceiling into the troughs. There was hay, with a few flowers mixed in, and some alfalfa as well. David realised he felt really hungry. He almost literally dived into the trough and started sucking it up like a vacuum cleaner. He was also extremely thirsty. After eating and drinking, he felt really sleepy. He closed his eyes again, and this time he managed to fall asleep.
Oh, I am following this.
I have added it to the original story links.
4721164 Thanks . I already have the next chapter's main events planned out.
4721168
Now, if people could just go ahead and stop making Conversion Bureau fics, that'd be great.
4721248 Here comes my first hater, I must be progressing!
4721299
Who said I hated you? I despise all forms of The Conversion Bureau, because there is never a good one, save the odd realistic humans vs. ponies battle, which ends in the ponies being fucking annihilated because humans aren't pushovers.
Also, having a hater doesn't make you better. A person sounds like a pretentious faggot when they say they love their haters.
4721299
>hater
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/340/276/e77.jpg
good luck!
4721299 Critic =/= Hater
Not that I have anything against TCB (or for), don't automatically assume all critics are haters.
4721307 When I said hater, I did mean the genre.
Ooooh! I've been waiting a very long time, hoping to see a fic like this! Perhaps seeing you write it will be the last shove I need to get my Red Kryptonite fix-it fic past where it's stalled out in chapter three, and actually post it.
I cannot wait to see how it all turns out!
4721339 Pretty sure the person they were referring to came out and proved themselves to be a pointless, prejudiced little hater. See below.
It's really disheartening that the mods allow this kind of bullying to exist so obviously on this site.
4721664 A lot of people generally hate TCB fiction. I've seen much worse hate on other people.
I don't quite understand the amount of dislikes here.
I thought that it was because of the writing and the concept of the story but I think is mostly doing the concept of this...
Which I don't really understand... Where does this hate stem from ... The constant spinoffs of the original story in which I have to say is quite old and the writing from the wild west days of mlp fanfics or just people who like the original better and any copies are trash...
4721664
Yeah, I'm a real big bully. Give me your lunch money, nerd. Go play your pokey mans.
Yeah... no. Do you even understand how the world works? Humans socially abhor slavery. And I didn't realize that destroying a continent that was threatening to wipe out your species was foolish. (Sarcasm)
m.quickmeme.com/img/4e/4e173362f97a546066a81cf05eccc47605c7743cdf9eadef685362c7c2a924db.jpg
Thinking back, think back to what you wrote at the start one of the reasons you weren't upvoted more than down was because you had a horribly put to get her first chapter. For example you said the character had made a small mistake, then go on to have Alex say whoa that's BIG. Have your plot work.
Plot, your plot wasn't well put together you needed to have this chapter a few chapters ahead, because of the universe you've created.
The universe, you have just created a whole new universe and explained it in about three hundred words. I was hooked when I read the idea of this story, I went wow thus is good...then I got to the chapter. That's all you gave is the info in the first chapter, have a extra thousand words to explain what has happened don't just throw your readers out there.
Errors, I saw a few and I saw one of the many people tend to forget about, indenting. It seems no one wants to do it anymore, look at any book that's published and you'll see it has indented paragraphs. Ok let's just take a look at some of your erroeprs,
Only use one of.
Use you're, would you say you are?
Anyways I think this could've been big, the problem is you didn't look through it didn't have a solid first chapter and didn't have an editor. Now I would be happy to help you, the only thing is your story is pretty much done for so I have a feeling you're going to scrap it. If you want help with the rewrite or future stories just PM me and we can start disscussing the future.
Till the next one
-R
4721664
It wasn't bullying. He just said he hated TCB fics.
4721811 I disagree completely, but I'll let it go. There's no point in cluttering up the author's comments with more commentary that doesn't address their actual story. Sorry, staryoshi.
4721760
That wasn't a mistake, it represented his thought process. Also, contractions aren't necessary.
The original was made by Chatoyance, and I created a sequel. The link is in the description.
4721758 As I said, the original was made by Chatoyance. This is based in the future, which is different, incase you didn't know.
4721996
Great if that's what makes since to you.
I was talking about your story not the real one and I would like to help you with it like proof reading or editing, it just seems it won't make it. If you're rewriting it I'd be happy to help just PM me.
Cheering for the Ponies in this one. The humans in these fics are usually scum anyway, worse than the ponies trying to convert them. Equestria will return... and when it is done and the Princesses walk among us once more... Then these so-called human elite will have their permission to die...
4721664 *shrugs* "TCB is overdone" is a legitimate opinion. Personally, I think the author should write whatever he wants. It's not like the existence of this story is going to ruin someone's life.
But yeah, a little subtlety would work wonders. "I think you should try something beyond TCB sometime" is better than... yeah.
Foolishly destroyed Equestria?!
Son, are you high or something? Those ponies got what was coming to them.
If I got a dollar for everytime I saw 'he'.
I'd be rich!
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