Dear Poker,
Happy Hearth and Hooves day! How are you holding up? I heard it's been difficult on your end. I can't send a gift, but I want you to know I've been thinking about you and Quick Wit a lot recently. I made a friend over on my end. His name is Damascus Steel. He has sharp tongue like Quick, but his heart is made of gold.
I know you love to work hard, but even back at home you're always been a bit of a recluse. You're living in Ponyville right now! You're even housing with the Princess of Friendship. It's the time of year famous for connecting with others. Even if it's just for the day, you must simply let down your guard a little and make some friends~!
With love,
White.
Sup Loser,
Happy Holidays buddy! Did I ever mention how much I love games? Turns out Luna does too. She was named the Queen of Games for her cunning and haughty attitude when competing against others. They apparently even built a pyramid full of hieroglyphs showing off how good she was thousands of years ago. Playing against her is super fun, but she gets a little Nightmare Moon-ey whenever we do. The first time we played something, she would keep yelling out 'your move!' over and over. It wasn't even a turn based game. Still, from what I heard, she's nowhere near as crazy as Twilight is. Try not to get anymore injuries rough housing with your Marefriend, eh?
Cheers,
Quick.
Your Highness,
Happy Holidays, and I'm glad to hear you managed to make a friend out in the Crystal Empire. You're the kind of changeling who gets very antsy when you haven't had company for a while. Probably why you love to rally us, your Majesty. I hope you and Damascus end up staying friends even after this is all over. If there's anything I've learned from staying out here in Ponyville, it's that actions speak louder than words. I'm now able to walk around undisguised and all of the town folk act hospitable towards me at the very least. If you respond to aggression with patience and kindness, they can only stay mad at you for so long. Stay strong, I believe in you, not as a subject, but as a friend.
Take care of yourself,
Poker Face.
Dear Idiot,
A very merry Hearth and Hooves day to you too. I can't say I'm surprised your letter only consists of 'games are fun.' Now please stop driving Luna and Celestia nuts. Before you ask how I know, it's you Quick Wit, I know you're doing everything in your power to be a pain in their side while doing your job. (Then again, I've been driving Twilight nuts too.) It's nice to hear you're getting along with Luna though. I know there's technically no such thing as luck when it comes to you, but try not to push your weight around too much out there.
Be careful, we love you.
The stupid doll.
Poker smiled as he finished writing his responses. He handed his letters to the mail carrier and thanked the changeling. When he woke up he didn't know if his friends had time to send letters, but he snuck out before the sun rose and got in contact with Dirty just to make sure.
On his walk back, dragon fire rushed his way and dropped a letter right in front of him. Confused, Poker bent over and picked it up.
Stupid, I had to head out and buy a few last minute gifts. I want serve breakfast in bed so when you wake up and read this, feel free to sleep in~
Ever since that one incident, Poker, or rather Stupid, accidentally gave Twilight a thing for feeding each other with their mouths.
Oh, I also booby trapped the room to hell and back because I'm 27% sure that Rainbow Dash might try to 'borrow' you without permission today. So don't leave your room.
Be right back~
Twilight.
Uh oh.
Stupid felt the wise thing to do would be to just wait downstairs, make breakfast, and apologize to his marefriend. Say he woke up early and decided to make breakfast for her, and didn't get her note in time.
But he really wanted that breakfast in bed. His first Hearth Warming Eve with Twilight and she was trying to be loving towards him. He knew it was more He wanted this to work. He wanted this to be special. And so it shall.
Rainbow was her friend, really, how bad could those booby traps be?
As Stupid quietly laid on the floor of the labyrinth covered in his own blood, he stopped and tried to recall what just happened in the last 40 seconds.
He tapped the door from 15 feet away.
He opened it with magic from the same distance, under cover.
The whole entire hallway floor went out from under him.
He proceeded to bounce off spiked walls for about... 10 seconds.
He had about 50 arrows shot at him, which about 14 hit him. 14 seconds passed too.
A bunch of screaming lions, tigers, and bears. They didn't really hurt him but it was a tad unnerving.
A bunch of pigeons that landed and pooped on him as he fell, not really dangerous, but definitely rude.
And then a large pit of lava at the bottom
Stupid blinked as he realized he wasn't burning to death.
"Hey!" Rainbow smiled at him.
Oh.
"Hi Rainbow," Stupid replied, "I don't know how you're not getting second degree burns, but thanks for saving my life."
"Sitting lava isn't as bad as moving lava."
"Oh, really?"
"As a weather manager, I have to know this stuff. The Everfree Forest shoots out some weird stuff sometimes." Rainbow puffed out her chest.
"Ah."
...
"So how ya holding up?" Rainbow asked.
"I'm burning and bleeding to death."
"Oh."
...
“Well…” Rainbow yawned and put her foreleg over Stupid’s back. “Looks like it’s just you and me here at the moment.”
“Rainbow, I'm dying.”
“Well with that attitude, sure.”
Stupid sighed.
“Is there any hot metal nearby?” Stupid asked.
“No, why?”
“I was hoping to burn my wounds shut.”
“Ew, that’s kinda a turn off.”
Stupid slowly turned to look at Rainbow.
“Rainbow, please.”
“I’m trying to make something work here, but geez, fine…”
Rainbow pulled a first aid kit out of a bag she was carrying and started to bandage the changeling.
“You had that the whole time.” Stupid didn’t ask, but stated.
“Well duh, Twilight always pulls this kinda crap every year. She hates it when I try to sneak in and steal my Hearth’s Warming Eve present early.”
For once, Stupid was completely lost for words.
“She must be in a great mood.” Rainbow smiled. “This year is nowhere near as bad as last year.”
“She does this every year.”
“All the time! I think she just likes expanding the labyrinth. It’s super fun to try and escape too!”
“What if Spike fell down here?”
“Some magic mumbo jumbo that checks for dragons teleports him back to his bed if he accidently falls in. I dunno, I wasn’t really paying attention when she said it. She almost mentioned something about a safety word if I got too hurt, but who needs that, right?”
Never before has Stupid wanted to kill somepony.
“Alright then,” Stupid took a deep breath, “You know how to get out of here then?”
“Nah, I just find my way out every year by being awesome!”
“Great.” Stupid shakily stood up. "Well, I really need to get back into my bedroom before Twilight gets back. Can you help me out please?”
“Don’t worry Stupid!”
Rainbow pulled him into a side hug, reopening the wounds he just managed to close with love magic.
“I can get us out of here in ten seconds flat!”
~One hour later~
“Hey! We found the pitfall trap room again!”
Stupid resisted the urge to scream.
“Man, if only we could climb back up…” Rainbow rubbed her chin with her hoof.
“Can’t you fly back up?” Stupid looked back at his injured wings.
“That’s not how Daring Do would do it!”
Internal screaming.
“Rainbow, what would I have to give you besides myself to get you to carry me back up through that pitfall trap?”
“What? Nothing, why didn’t you ask?”
Stupid started to shake.
“Rainbow.” He said with a smile.
Barely.
“Please carry me back up that pitfall trap.”
“You got it!” She saluted him.
Rainbow Dash hovered over Stupid and grabbed his torso, right where his chest wound was.
“Hey, you’re pretty light! Alright, let’s blow this joint!
“I would appreciate it if you’d go a little slow since I’m really hur-”
Rainbow Dash blasted off upwards.
The two twisted back and forth, weaving and bobbing past arrows and apparently now javelins too. Rainbow smirked as none of them came close to hitting her.
Same could not be said for Stupid.
The roaring Lions, Tigers, and Bears proceeded to try and divebomb them.
“Woah!” Rainbow Dash freaked out.
Quickly, she flew back and flattened herself against the walls, spreading her hooves wide. All the ferocious animals missed her completely.
“Ha! Did you see… that…”
Rainbow Dash looked down to see Stupid falling to his death.
“Uh oh.”
Right before Stupid hit the pool of lava, Rainbow Dash caught him and swerved back upwards.
“You okay buddy?”
“Three more arrows are embedded into my side and I have a javelin in my hind leg.”
“Yeah you’ll be fine.”
Rainbow Dash quickened her pace, once again dodging the arrows, javelins, and pigeons.
“Hey Rainbow.”
“Yeah Stupid?”
“What’s that ticking noise?”
“Oh yeah! I forgot about the time bombs she lines the walls with sometimes!”
…
“Rainbow.”
“Yeah?”
“Please fly faster.”
“But Daring always makes it out with only a second to spare!”
“Rainbow, I applaud how well you managed to stay alive with that mindset, but I am only a changeling.”
…
“Doll.” he added. “Please, for the love of all that’s holy, please go faster.”
“Pff, fine, worrywart. Really, you need to kick back and relax. What’s the wor-”
KABOOM!!!
Twilight trotted into her castle with a smile. She followed her schedule to a T, which gave her plenty of time to get presents for her friends. Stupid wasn’t on the list though, and it wouldn’t do not to have a present for her coltfriend.
After making pancakes and hot chocolate, Twilight trotted happily upstairs with a hearty breakfast on a tray. She stopped and chuckled when she saw the pit trap open in the hallway.
“Oh Rainbow… Every year~” She shook her head.
Pushing an inconspicuous part of wall with her magic, the trap door closed and the hallway turned back to normal.
“I don’t know how that gets her every year, she can fly.” Twilight sighed.
Twilight threw open the door into Stupid’s room.
“Who wants breakfast in… bed…”
Twilight dropped the plate when she saw a passed out Rainbow on top of Stupid in his bed. Stupid slowly turned his bloody head towards her.
“I don’t know what this looks like, but it’s probably not what you think. Also, one of your javelins knocked out my hind leg. It didn’t come with when I teleported. Could you possibly get for me?”
Twilight’s eye twitched.
Funny, but if Twilight knew about Rainbow she could tried to put something more hard like a puzzle or something like that she need to put it in order to continue.
6765502
Rainbow Dash enjoys exploring dungeons, Twilight enjoys making them. So in Twilight's head, why fix something that isn't broken? You could look at it as Twilight's present to Rainbow Dash.
6765537 Maybe, but Rainbow Dash like also to be a little Daring Do, that is mainly what is in her head instead of mainly "dodge traps" and Daring is not only clearing dangerous traps but also enigmas, right?
Pickleless, there was a physical twinge of pain in my heart when I read the words 'non-canon' in the first update email in months. Good to hear that you've got a bunch of stuff in the pipeline though, I can't wait for more!
How's those chapters getting along?
I'd post a Youtube video about Yugioh and the king of games but there is so little because of copyright. This chapter was really funny. Definitely should be canon.
6765602
6765603
Another chapter and a half done since I last made a blog post.
Wow xD
"I've lost my hindleg, can you go fetch it for me?"
Or something like that xD
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Merry Christmas!
Oh, my.
A really fun chapter to read, even if it wasn't canon.
6766921
news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/76581000/jpg/_76581073_guardians4_imagenet.jpg
"I'm also gonna need... That guy's leg!"
Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?
Twilight Sparkle certainly thinks so.
Rainbow... WHAT YOUR PROBLEM?!!!
Pat pat Dash. there there, you cant help being a loser.
After all, Daring never asked to be crippled when she goes into a dungeon, she just does the best she can with her crippling disorder. Yours just happens to be your pride and ego.
Merry Chris-hanaka-mas, And a happy Rama, Deepa Valli, Winter Soltice
Chinese New Year, Kwaanza Dan
What's up with "Hearth and Hooves Day"? Is it just a typo, or are the changelings mixing up the pony holidays?
6766648 update soon? I love this story!
When I read the kaboom, I couldn't help but think of the Fiery Joker's videos and how they end. I even read kaboom in that voice.
Love this story so much
Wait... Did a chapter disappear? I'm confuzzled.
Uh... I mean more than this story usually results in...
TWO chapters missing!!! WTF?!?
Quit listening to whiners. I enjoyed the story. Buck 'em!
What? Where are the last two chapters???? However weird they might be they were good. I hope you only took them down to put them together as a single, longer chapter, to make it look like you worked more.
7051072 Apparently Pickless removed them; see his blog about it for the full story.
I honestly didn't mind the last two chapters, per say, they were just different from what the story was originally. If it all tied in with Stupid staying with Twilight then I won't mind.
I just want a good story. It's a shame Pickless is so upser over this, he can write legitimately funny work.
7055503 Read the Author's post and now I feel like a dick. Pickleless, I apologize. Likening the two redacted chapters to a flaming train wreck about to crash into an orphanage was way out of line. A simple, "Where'd this bit about Celestia actually being impersonated by a Changeling come from? Did I skip a chapter?" wouldn't have been nearly as inflammatory.
I'm gonna sit in this corner and keep my mouth shut.
Pickeless, I know you probably aren't going to read this for possibly an entire month, but I think I've managed to figure out the root of the problem. Of course, this is just MY opinion, so it's not going to be completely accurate, but I digress.
I think the problem is that, well, this is a story about STUPID AND TWILIGHT. Keep the focus on them, not on anyone else.
I don't remember anyone complaining about a potential espeonage plot being added in or the inclusion of other Changlings outside of Stupid; though I do remember some complaining about one, but again the majority didn't mind.
You proved you can be hilarious, but you changed the focus of the story from where it should've been: Stupid and Twilight.
I mean, after all, the story is called "Stupid Doll" for a reason.
You can have your espeonage and spy story, but tell it through Stupid and Twilight more than the others; or at the very least ease your readers into the characters instead of just throwing a chapter with nothing but new characters.
this is an amazing story, I look forward to potentaily reading more....
however...
as much as I do love this story, it and all the non canon extras make me hate rainbow dash. I understand that most of this ire is from me just reading about how she practically killed Poker multiple times and only thought about making herself look cool.The thought "Thank god it's not cannon" is all that's keeping me from calmly keeping myself from writing something less coherent and more angry. Still, the dream she had makes her seem extremely egotistical to the point where I don't see her capable of being a 'loyal' friend. It makes her feel more like pre griffon stone gilda. so... in recap... I love this story, I am tired and discolored by the booby trap chapter. Story itselfs still good though.
Oh my god I love this story already and I ship it so hard.
7296523
OMG I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!
Isn't this on Equestria Daily?
7019203 Will there be a update soon?
Dang it... I reached the end... oh well, awesome job regardless man!
I hope to see more soon!
7019203 Do you plan on getting back to the cannon story?
Is this ever gonna get updated again?
7019203 updates soon?
A really nice story, I hope you will continue the main Storyline soon. I am looking forward for updates
but i dont want noncanon chapters
so you quit?
i swear there was another chapter to this. i swear i have read it... i remember it vividly.. is there one? it is not here.
I LOVE this story. Very well written, and the comedy is gold. Thumb, fave, and a follow. You definitely earned them.
7801443
There was another official chapter. It received some criticism for being kinda "ehhhhhh", and other negative terms.
So Pickleless deleted the chapter and stopped writing fan fiction for a year.
PS:
Please oh please resume writing!
Ned! Mor! Stry!
...Plez.