The story of how Luna felt during the thousand years on the moon, and how her emotions change from the time she was banished, to the time she returned.
Chapters (3)
Lux Rune
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The prologue is short, but the other chapter will be more in depth, this isn't about how she got there, it's about how she felt for the thousand years, please leave comments and criticism. Many more chapters to come.
Will there be 1 chapter for each year she's on the moon:
D
444796 for the love of Celestia no,
as I have it planned now there will be a few chapters. Still not quite sure how many I'll do though, I'm still planning the rest of it out.
i come from FJ greetings i am the Gnome
444827 Welcome my FJ brother
I just did a quick peruse of the first half of your prologue. Just a few grammatical and spelling errors I found in the first few paragraphs.
>They all worship her, but what makes her so special, NOTHING, nothing makes her special, it’s just that stupid sun they love. If I had been the one to raise it instead of her, they’d love me.
>>"but what makes her so special" is a question. Separate this into multiple sentences otherwise it doesn't make sense.
>No more will they lavish in the sun.
>>Lavish is not the right word to use.
>I will change everything, and take away that which they love most.
>>The comma before "and" is unneeded.
>I could feel my rage boiling inside me, and it was in that moment I snapped
>>Move the comma to after "and" and add another after "moment". "... inside me and, it was in that moment, I snapped..."
>I will not mark room for your sun
>>make* not mark.
>They ignore it, like it’s nothing. They don’t see the beauty in it. Well, mi nights are beautiful, but they ignore it, like they ignore ME
>>No comma after "it". My* not "mi". The third sentence doesn't flow. Suggestion: "My nights are beautiful, yet they ignore them (plural) like they ignore me."
Oh, and I think you mean "Prologue". There is no such thing as a "Prelogue". xD
Good story so far willing to track to see more
T.D.G
445013 also hello my friend
Blood Doll - Anarchy Club
445013 Thanks for all that
445013 I just finished making all the changes, thank you again
I like it so far. The wording feels very appropriate for the scene. Interested to see where this goes.
Added to the Celestia & Luna group.
It was okay, and I know this is the prologue and just the setup for the story, but it seemed a little rushed.
"I'm going to keep the moon up FOREVER"
"Are you sure?"
"YES!" *hmph*
"MOON!"
"Wait, wha-"
446368 I know, but the story isn't how the events beforehand happened, the story is about her emotions, and how she changes over the thousand years, so yeah, i kinda rushed it a bit, but more development will happen in the other chapters.
446338 thanks
446462 Exactly why I'm giving the benefit of the doubt!
446533 thanks
Great story, but Luna got banished far too quickly. If you remember the tale, Celestia got the elements of harmony and then defeated Luna, and afterwards banished her to the moon.
Otherwise fantastic story.
447928 Yeah, that's true, but the story isn't supposed to be accurate, it's all about how she feels on the moon.
Fair enough.
451999 Thanks
Sorry about the delay everyone, I've had alot of stuff going on the past couple of weeks. Hope you guys like it
531604 dont worry bro we can wait
532084 Question, can you see ch.2 yet?
541170 yea its there
542113 Strange...
543216 why
544826 no comments or anything
544895 not everyone has something to say
545479 Yeah, i know, but it's just driving me kinda crazy
did you do the art
818005 No, i just based the memory on it