- Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 3rd, 2022
Cytotoxin
I`m Russian, I`m female, I`m blunter then a bag of hammers and I write pony staff occassionally. That`s about it.
Cytotoxin
Joined 14th Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.258 seconds
Total duration
886 users online
618,464 hits today, 2,732,798 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
ooooooooooo, sounds good
That was... rather cute.
Not a bad story. The "eldritch essence-intertwining sex" part was hilarious.
Cute
This might be just me but it's hard to tell who is speaking at some points. You might want to go for the good old "New speaker -> new paragraph" to help that.
Apart from that well written and enjoyable.
I agree with Dreec. Also, I felt like I was staggering over the words at some points. I'm unaware if you are a native english speaker or not, but parts of dialogue were confusing. A cute and somewhat erotic little tale no doubt. Improve on it a bit, and it may make it into the fimfiction underground. Fics that aren't exceptionally popular, but enjoyable nonetheless.
468572 469262
I`ve tried the new paragraph approach, and it looks just horrible. Besides, I haven`t thought there could be much of confusion when only two characters are present in story at all.
469262
I`ve stated outright what kind of speaker I am right in the profile.
470393
Yes, I know this approach won't work on this particular story since it's just not written that way. You sort of have to build your paragraphs like that from the start.
But It might be interesting to try it out in your next fic.
471640
I`ve already tried it in one of the previous fics, I believe. Results were... less then expected.
474237
Maybe Ezn's Guide would be worth a look.
That one helped me a great deal. Without it my proof readers would probably have gauged their eyes out.
The guide doesn't set any fixed rules, but it helped me a lot to structure, and format my dialog and paragraphs.
474286
Already read that.
Frankly, I find the issue to be too minor to warrant turning a pleasant repast into a chore. Same as with lack of articles. While I`m fully aware I tend to miss them and do make reasonable effort to catch the missing cases, it`s just not reasonable to make what I consider to be a rest into a chore of dubious worth.
When it comes to this, the one and only person I`m writing this for is me. I will make a reasonable effort to make my stories palatable for anyone electing to peruse them, if I do place them on the public medium, but I don`t see much of a point in going beyond that. In the end, I`m quite certain I won`t be able to please everyone, so the focal point of pleasing is me, me and myself. Everyone else? Well, if you are pleased, good for you, if not... Lots of stories out there.
474569
I understand that perfectly don't worry.
Your story is great anyways :p
I didn't mean to offend, and I haven't been to your actual profile page, so forgive that. Maybe im the only one getting confused, who the freak knows? That was just how I felt. Only reason I came across this was the front page the other night.
474641
I believe I`ve expressed no offense. Be a dear and don`t assume taciturn means hostile, would you kindly?
My profile contains several points that would explain things sufficiently - and I don`t see much of a point in retyping them here if I can just point out where this information is already being presented.
I rather enjoyed the read, however a bit of constructive criticism: following the conversations became a bit confusing at times in deciphering who was speaking. Many authors rectify this by seperating into lines, coupling it with an action to give an excuse to mention the speaker's name. Such as,
Blatantly Obvious tilted his head skyward, a hoof rubbing at his chin. "Nice weather."
"Most decidedly." Replied Eloquence.
"Sun's nice and warm today."
"I do hear we're going to be recieving a shower this evening though."
That gave Obvious a bit to think about, then a moment later, "Welp, guess it's gonna be mighty wet here soon then."
Half bemused, his companion replied, "Indeed."
Granted that being an overly exaggerated example.
528626
I`ve already addressed this.
Synopsis - thought about what you suggested, decided it makes an unbearable eyesore out of story. Given there`s only two speakers at all, I found it to be too superficial of a problem to warrant complete rewriting.
'Kay. I wasn't entirely suggesting you rewrite this story, but for future ones.
528890
I`m familiar with what you suggest and use similar approach when it is warranted.
Hmmmm, I rather like this, it seems too often we try to emphasize the idea that the princesses would prefer to act and be like normal ponies, to the extent that instead of it being a rare occasion where they break out of their princess shell, it is a rare occasion where they are actually in it to begin with. (if that makes sense to you you deserve a cookie... I don't think I did a very good job expressing myself)
This story on the other hand, has a perfect balance I think. The princesses have personalities and a role outside of their positions, but you never forget, like so many others do, that they ARE co-rulers of a nation and they can't just ignore politics to go gallivanting off on some silly hikinks or sexual misadventures.
For that you have my respect... and I think I shall keep my eye on you
1459943
It`s a gripe I had with many a story that centers on the princesses. A whole lot of people like to picture them as wholly unwilling and disinterested in actually being the princesses - often to the point of frivolous despotism or apathetic abandonment. It`s a common enough trope - a princess that is burdened by the title. However, people often tend to forget that this trope first and foremost applies to princesses that have parents, princesses that are either forever kept in training or are treated as little more then showpieces or political coinage.
Try as I might, I could not envision why Celestia would bother with ruling the ponies for over a millenia, if she did not like being the ruler. I touched upon this in this story, factually - in this setting, Nightmare Moon is merely the prop. Factually, Luna is the one who disliked being a princess, and so, she had devoted a millenia towards studying and researching sciences in her lunar habitat. Still, after a thousand years of scholastic life, even Luna feels much more enthusiastic about being an actual contributing ruler.