Today was just not StarChaser’s day.
Just when the Resistance had finally thought that it would be left alone the Unicorn tribe had decided to go and ruin everything again.
That’s not saying that all Unicorns were bad, the Resistance had a good number of Unicorns in its ranks, and his best and only true friend was a Unicorn named StarLight.
But all that didn’t change the fact that they were under attack by one of the more powerful armies that the Unicorn tribe had at its disposal.
StarChaser sighed, ‘When will this end?’ He thought to himself as he put on his Magitech armor, ‘When will they just leave us alone to live in peace? That’s all we want, peace…’
He was the last wearer of the Magitech armor series, mostly because all the other pilots were killed in the “Incident” that sparked off this whole conflict between tribes.
Once he put on his helmet he activated its onboard AI system, who at times he felt the strange need to call “Navi” for some reason…
“Magitech armor mark V activating,” the AI stated, “Welcome back StarChaser. Energy core at 75% charge, shielding online, thaumic boosters online, Warning! Physical protection compromised, please refrain from prolonged combat to prevent shielding failure, as this platform will be unable to protect you if shielding is compromised. Warning! Empty/damaged component slots detected, platform will not run at maximum capacity.”
StarChaser just ignored the warnings, he had heard them enough times already, as they had started coming up shortly after the incident and they were the same every, single, time. Ever since his suit got damaged in the explosion that killed so many other pilots it’s been freaking out at him.
Looking into the mirror, he saw an all black Pegasus, who's mark was a field of stars, wearing armor that appeared to be all but useless, but he knew that looks could be deceiving, especially when said armor projected an energy field that protected against virtually everything. The helmet, when inactive, was little more than a frame surrounding his head, but when it was active it projected a visor that covered the upper half of his face. The main body section was similar to plate body armor favored by his Earth brethren, but with smaller plates and larger gaps between them. The wing section was little more than three "nodes" on each wing, one at the base of the wing, one half way down it, and one at the tip.
It was at this point that StarLight walked into his room in full combat gear.
“You should stay back, I don’t want you to get hurt,” StarChaser said.
“And I’ve told you how many times now? ‘I can hold my own against my foolish cousins,’” was her reply.
“I know, but I still worry that something bad might happen to you…”
“And you worry too much! Anyway, we have to help defend again.”
“Right, let’s go.”
They exited the room together and jogged down the hall to the nearest balcony.
“I’ll fly out and help the other Pegasus troops whi-,”
“I know, ‘while I go and help out the Unicorn troops’. Let’s just get this over with!”
After that the battle was mostly a blur, with StarChaser helping the other Pegasus troops fend off the attackers mostly with lightning clouds and arrows and StarLight helping out the other Unicorn troops by flinging all kinds of offensive spells and healing wounded allies.
Suddenly the attacking Purists made a surprise suicide charge for the gate and even more surprisingly got to it. The order was given to fall back to the fortress when suddenly the Purists broke through the gate!
‘But that thing has all KINDS of enchantments on it! How did they break through so quickly!?!’ StarChaser thought, but his next one made his blood run cold. ‘Starlight’s in there…’
Flying as fast as he could towards the Fortress, he saw that StarLight was cornered by the Purists.
“ACTIVATE THAUMIC BOOSTERS!!!” He shouted.
“Thaumic boosters online,” came the response and his speed tripled as he dive bombed StarLight’s attackers.
Just before he hit, a Purist commander turned to him and, with the world appearing in slow motion, blasted him with a spell.
He felt excruciating pain before everything went dark.
Looks at story title. Looks at author name.
i.imgur.com/uh5A6.gif
4767802 I don't know if you're serious about it going to be good or not... but I actually had the idea for the character name before I created an account here... don't ask how that works, it just does...
You should really make your chapter at least 1,000 words long. And you are saying that there are some sort of advance machinery in older times in which there are spears and etc. It would be believable if it was some sort of golem but with the AI, that will be a huge paradox. Plus it took me a long time to realize that this chapter is a flashback, thay's not a good thing at all.
In my conclusion, this story doesn't make that much sense.
4768268 Basically, the "incident" mentioned sparked off an Apocalyptic event, resulting in most of the technology being lost. This explains why there is a STEAM engine next to a full blown ELECTRIC DJ setup...
Also my mind doesn't make sense to me sometimes. :D
4768304 All that technology stored in one location, gone? Still makes no sense.
4767821
...
That's... not what he meant.
4768468 Think Dark ages, but on a much greater scale... The Equestria that we know has only recently gotten out of the Dark ages (pre-unification)
4768468 Super secret military design bunker filled with engineering records and the workers/creators blown up into absolute oblivion? If it's all there and the explosion was big enough I can see how top military stuff disappears. As for smaller stuff that a peaceful world would have like engines, not guns or high tech suits (would they even have the knowledge or resources to reproduce guns compared to crossbows if the tech designs were gone?) I can see that still existing. Plus factions fighting each other will cause a lack of resources and man power. Here's an example. If you have the paramount of human exoskeleton powered armor and a weapon discharged and killed off most of the human race, I can see bands of people forming and fighting. But they would have crappy junky stuff as they lack resources and the knowledge to replicate better things. You on the other hand have badass armor and training. You know what you're doing and thus the better survivor with better stuff. *Sorry went on a rambling tangent there. May have moved slightly off topic XD*
4768528 I was sarcastic on the first sentence.
4768519
You're story concept is original at the least, just needs to be less confusing.
(there was no mention of a steam engine or electric dj setup)
4768581 I didn't intend on being rude. Sorry about that.
4768581 The steam engine is the train in the show, and the DJ set up? also in the show...
Also, thanks for the constructive (somewhat) criticism! Now to go on a hunt for confusing points and see what I can do about them!
4768581 I plan on elaborating on the tech decrease both when he sees the tech level of the world he's waking up in and
when he breaks the language barrier(How do I black stuff out for spoilers?)
4768474 *In a perfectly calm voice* Then please enlighten me on what he did mean
*sees that this story was added to a group*
*goes and sees what that group is about*
*eye twitches*
*With extremely forced calmness* While I don't mind being told that my story is not up to par, I do mind that it has not been found to be up to par and I'm not told why.
4772035
Typically when the author has the same name as his character, it's indicative of a self-insert wish fulfillment story.
4772081 I understand the self-insert part, but the wish fulfillment part I don't fully understand, I know what those words mean but I'm not entirely sure what is meant, what kind of wish?
4772098
I'll let TVTropes explain.
4772105 So... basically an idealized me being put into the story? The story character is not going to be perfect if that's what you're worried about...
4771747
When I said there was no mention of a steam engine and dj setup, I was talking about in the story. So yeah, glad that my comment somewhat helps.
4772049
And which group is it added to?
4772264 Some group called "Plan 9 from Equestria: 2", it's supposed to be "the best of the worst stories"
4772264 Also, next chapter is currently under review from my editor, I'm not sure when I will get it back
But when I do, it will be posted in relatively short order
4772268
To be honest with you, I am trying my best to laugh. At least it's a better first attempt than my first attempt of writing fanfics, 9 likes 30 dislikes.
4772290 to laugh or not to laugh?
4772297
What do you mean? Read it again.
4772306 So you're trying to find it funny? usually when someone says that "they are trying ___ to laugh" that ____ is "not" so I wasn't sure if typo or not...
Also, at what? the group's soul purpose? Or that I got lucky with my first story?
4772314
The groups sole purpose to find "the best of the worse" the " ones that make you facepalm at the sheer badness of them but at the same time you are drawn to them like a train wreck". You're story is tied in likes (that's what I mean in luck). But plan 9? *snicker*
4772335
Either you're drawing a connection between "plan 9" and your 9 likes... or I'm completely missing the joke...
StarRunner, have any ideas?
Nope, same as you...
4772346 It's a joke a few will know.