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For Sweetie Belle, having a babysitter is not that big a problem, especially when her babysitter is the element of magic herself. When Twilight devises a spell to help her with her apparent problems, however, both of them will have to learn a lesson that won't soon be forgotten.
Now has a sequel called Sizable Differences
Enjoy.
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Please tell me there's an epilogue with Celestia and/or Luna's reaction to Twilight looking down on them - physically looking down.
The moral of the story is that Twilight is better than Rarity.
4918662
Not yet, but I think there will be after the next chapter of Under Her Wings is finished.
I like this, but is it a oneshot or will it be a series?
Don't have time right now(damn you working hours!)but when I'm off. I shall read this little gem
4918735
It will not be a series, though I might write an epilogue at some point (or if I get more ideas... perhaps even a sequel)
that ending was way too abrupt.
Seeing this in the featured box reminded me of "Growing Pains" a epic fanfiction from long ago...
Now I'm sad that the author gave up on it.
4918938
Yeah, I saw it in the feature box and was all like "holy shit, GP actually updated".
Damn.
You need to write more, and continue it until the end of fucking time
I enjoyed this, especially since I am fond of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and I also like the concept of Twilight as a "full" Alicorn.
Her admonition that there are problems which cannot be solved with magic strikes a chord with me as well, and despite her own talent it seems fitting that Twilight would say it in her present situation.
I would love to see a second chapter, but if the story ends here, this isn't bad.
4918668 yes
Twilight teaching Sweetie magic? Yeah, because that surely can't go wrong. (Fragments, Scion, *hint* *hint*)
Sounds like an interesting story, just gotta find some time to read it.
The problem here comes if Alicorns are merely long lived and not truly immortal. She could have cost Twi 1,000+ years; certainly better than dusting her friends though.
4918948 What story are you talking about?
4919349 Presumably, this one. It's the one I thought of.
to be honest i like how u ended it but how is celstia and luna going to react are u planing on a bonuschpater.
Great intro; one of the first and only to make me curious. I'll read it as soon as possible, but I have to let you (author) know that this intro was pretty well written.
H D
4918793 its an interesting idea, short and really good for the whole scene really. I hope you do consider it.
I really, really want to see celestia and lunas reactions
Okay, now that I've gotten around to reading it, this is quite good. I hope Opalescence is okay, though. I can't imagine Twilight was able to grab her when she teleported them all out of the boutique while exhausted and passing out...
Happily waiting for that epilogue.
A nice story, but... where is the ending? There was no clear moral, no conclusion, no explanation if Twilight stays in her aged body, nothing.
Also: Composure?
4919975
Composure?
Twilight
_______________________
Seriously needs an epilogue. Oh! Do you think this could be a multi-chapter story? I mean the premise alone is adorkably delicious, and there's so much that can be done with this fic.
4918662
That may require a few more "accidents" to occur.
To be honest, while I can easily see this as being an episode of the show, I find their reactions too... weak. Sweetie not only destroyed her and Rarity's home, it was their livelihood, as well as casting a spell that would have no doubt killed her friends, Twilight basically goes... meh. Being able to rebuild and replace the shop shouldn't stop her from getting yelled at and heavily punished; and while she didn't kill her friends, it was only twilight waking up when she did that stopped it. I can't even begin to think of a punishment for either of those two things alone would get someone; let alone both, but at minimum ban them from crusading ever again and maybe not letting them see each other again.
but aside from that it was well written, and it was an enjoyable story.
4919980
sry, I should take more than a glance at your user page
You had a nice pace going through most of this story, and it was a damn good ride. But the ending was too rapid compared to the rest of the story, and it that made it too tidy.
Was Rarity's lesson to never leave home?
Although we can assume Sweetie Belle learned not to experiment with dangerous magic, all we can do is assume--she's obviously completely broken up about what happened--we don't get her point of view after the accident and we don't see any mention of what she might have learned. She could have taken "don't practice magic indoors" from it, or "don't practice magic on your friends", "don't cast aging spells", "read the warning labels", "let a half-built spell taper off, don't just stop", "don't ever try harder magic ever again because it will kill your friends", "don't practice magic ever again because it destroys the house", "having a house fall on you is scary", "pay more attention to things, "be more patient", "eat breakfast before trying out new magic"...
There's a lot of things to take out of this, and some of them are pretty unhealthy.
That aside, the main issue of the story was never addressed--what's up with Sweetie Belle's magic? Everything in the story revolves around that question, but you never answered it. You did bring up possible malnutrition, but sounded more like she just skipped a meal or two, which wouldn't be responsible for her continuing difficulty in magic. And nothing here suggests and eating disorder. Even if the whole point of this story was to end it with the age spell and its consequences, the question of Sweetie Belle's magic is still what drove the plot and should have been resolved.
Also, the description of your story doesn't match the events inside it. They weren't having a lesson on magic--they were trying to fix whatever issue it was causing Sweetie Belle to have so much difficulty with her magic. Learning new magic, or even learning about magic, wasn't really a part of the chapter. And as mentioned early, Rarity's lesson is omitted entirely and Sweetie Belle's has too little attention paid to it, especially considering the primary part it plays in your description.
I do, however, enjoy your writing style and the overall story you've made, and should you make a sequel I would enjoy reading it.
4920357
While there was a pretty huge underreaction (except on Rarity's part), cutting Sweetie Belle off from ever seeing her friends again is both extreme (even for what happened (and especially considering that, from what we've seen so far, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are literally her only friends in Ponyville)) and drastically out of character for Twilight (not to mention she isn't exactly the pony to be pointing hooves in regards to magic that goes wrong with possibly lethal consequences). Further, both breaking their friendship and the crusading ban aren't actually related to what she did--they weren't on the crusade (hell, they were basically trying to skip the need to crusade altogether), after all, and a punishment should whenever possible fit the crime. While I could certainly see a ban from leaving the house for anything besides school and from having her friends over for a couple weeks (or months),
Lastly, though... Twilight is only the foalsitter. Children's punishments (beyond the most simple of affairs) are resolved by family.
4920357 but its also ponyville, how often do things get destroyed there?
4920357
Yeah, I was wondering about that too. This is like giving a kid a firecracker...and then having half your house burned down because she got her hands on Roman Candles or cherry bombs or something. While I don't think perma-bans on Crusading would be necessary, you can be darn sure that Sweetie Belle and her friends will be watched EXTREMELY closely from now on. They will NEVER let her live this down.
And there was a few things I didn't like. Why was Sweetie having magic problems in the first place? Will Twilight stay in this older, more alicorn-ish body? Does anyone actually care that Rarity's entire career has literally bit the dust? This can't be completed. You don't have to come up with the answers to these questions right away, or even in a week. Take a month or two. Jot down random ideas. Take your time. As it is now...it feels like an abrupt ending.
I nearly started crying near the end of the story. I thought they had killed Twilight with the aging spell, and it had somehow split and hit the structure as well, when they said she wouldn't wake up. Well played, ye' wee bastahd.
4919926 True, true, all of it, and that last would be interesting to see brought to a conclusion.
4920928
Let me preface this by saying: I think you're probably right. Near the end I was trying to make everything clean up neatly, and because of that I'm going to follow up with a second chapter at the least.
Sweetie's lesson was really to take her magic lessons more seriously. Nothing is 'up' with Sweetie Belle's magic aside from an almost criminal level of what I would call 'crusader syndrome' which basically means she wants to be good at magic without training for it. I've tried to show her disregarding her studies (and the warnings) on a few separate occasions, but I guess it wasn't clear enough. (Will try and do something about that next chapter)
Again, probably true, and I'm going to have to think about a way to change the description in a way that makes more sense while still being short enough. I guess I was so eager to get it out that I might have skipped past the importance of something like that and jotted down whatever came to me first. (Which is why Rarity doesn't really learn a lesson either)
So what I guess I'm saying is... I became a little too enthusiastic near the end, and I apologize for that. I'm working on the next chapter for my multichaptered story at the moment, but after that, this is getting a second chapter as well. Thank you for the feedback and I hope you enjoyed it regardless of my mistakes.
That was an interesting premise and heartwarming slice-of-life, but as others have said, the ending was a bit rushed. The ending was like a big reveal, but very little was done with it. Still, barring some sort of "the ending must be bittersweet" plot device, the aging should be fairly easily reversible. Celestia must have more power than an amped-up filly, and she certainly has more experience. Since the story said the spell can be used to advance or regress age, it should be a simple matter of regressing Twilight by 1000 years.
Now that I think about it, the aging spell provides an interesting solution to all the stories in which Twilight outlives her friends. The rest of the mane six could be regressed back to their youths when they reach old age. Sure, there's the issue of what to do about the Mane 6's friends and family (you would have to have a cutoff at some degree of friend-of-a-friend, or else everypony in Equestria would have to be forever young) but it's at least an option that would probably be seriously considered. Are there any stories that have done this?
I also liked how there are some elements of Sweetie Belle being an unreliable narrator.
At one point, she moped about how her sister never praises her, but later she thought fondly of working together with Rarity on designs and being thanked for her help. Her memories of her sister were colored by how she felt about her at that moment. At Sweetie's first negative thoughts about Rarity, I was worried that there would be a reveal that Rarity was still being overly harsh on Sweetie, like in Sisterhood Social, but it turned out it was just a younger sibling being resentful.
4922221
Hm? I don't necessarily see the ending as Bittersweet - there is nothing truly bitter about. Sure, Rarity's home got destroyed but it can be rebuilt easily enough it seems (and probably wouldn't be the first time - if nothing else, the Parasprites would have eaten it once already), none of the Crusaders got actually hurt, and Twilight ... well, "meh" might indeed be how she feels about it.
Granted, we didn't see what she precisely thought of her transformation, but considering she would have known what to expect in her future anyway (as in, she would have reached a Celestia-esque stature sooner or later anyway), this isn't necessarily a world-shattering event for her, or even much of an inconvenience, depending on how she looks at it. Aside from having to get herself a bigger bed, heh.
Given how much she has always admired Celestia, she might even secretly relish the fact that she now looks more grown Alicorn-ish, more akin to her mentor. All in all, while certainly a possible irritance because of how abruptly she grew in size and while it might take her some adjusting to, I don't believe it's particularly bitter, or even bitter at all.
Great! Just leave Rarity there having a (perfectly justifiable) mental breakdown why don't you?! Seriously, I like how Twilight's age spurt also seemed to mellow her out quite a bit, but geez, why won't she help the poor mare! Doesn't seem very Twilight to me. 'Oh, Rarity's upset, should I help or should I just start cleaning up this rubble... Rubble it is!' Sheesh.
4922042 Thank you--I very much enjoyed it, which is part of why I critiqued it as extensively as I did.
4922042 Thank you--I very much enjoyed it, which is part of why I critiqued it as extensively as I did.
This story really reminds me of Estee's version of the CMC.
4922366
That's a good point, and if Twilight is truly not bothered then there may be no problem. I thought the current ending was sweet and not bittersweet, but that the epilogue could become bittersweet. I was just thinking about how it's a little sad to miss out on 1000 years of growth and development. Even if Alicorns are truly immortal, and she's not losing 1000 years, she still did not experience that change over time. As she appears in her larger form, if events had followed their normal course, she would be 1000 years wiser as well. Maybe that's a little bit of a silly sentiment, but I thought it would be a little sad if it couldn't be reversed. Of course, if it also grants Twilight enhanced abilities, it could be cool, and since she's ok with it, I suppose it's still a sweet ending after all.
4923842
Hm ... how fast do Alicorns grow post-transformation? Cadence appears to be only a few years older than Twilight (going by the flashback when they were fillies), yet these days she is more or less even to Luna in stature.
If Twilight was expecting to follow Cadence's growth pattern (which makes sense I think, seeing as that is the only one she has witnessed), I imagine she would have expected a major growth spurt soon enough. Might be why she appears to take it with little more than s shrug and little surprise - this change wasn't that far off for her anyways, perhaps.
Granted, she kinda overshot the "Cadence/Luna" threshold and arrived straight at "Celestia", but still - as far as Twilight would have had the chance to observe, she was in for something like this in the very near future anyways (and I imagine it's hard for her to tell at that exact moment just how tall she is, especially as she has other things to worry about).
And given that the alternative would have been a couple of very dead fillies, I imagine she would hardly view getting her growth spurt early as all that much of a high price to pay
(And hey, stronger magic - time for science!)
4919273 It never goes wrong
It just gets interesting...
As for the story itself. I love the premise, but I felt that if there were more of a focus on Sweetie's thoughts and her perceptions of the situation, the story would have benefited a bit more from that. Also, I'll agree with what a few people have said, in that the ending feels a little too inconsequential, given the level of power and magic that were being dealt with.
It was an enjoyable read. Thanks for writing.
~SilentBelle
hold on. wasn't this originally marked as complete? Because more of this would be awesome!
4925962
It was. I decided to write more. (Though it's gonna take some time)
4925984 well...try not to make us wait too many eternities....
4925984
I'm very interested in seeing what happens next with Sweetie, and how Twilight deals with her accelerated growth.
Take all the time you need for the next chapter.
*gives favorite just in case of update*