Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
This is our Creed. We are Assassins. Our cause: To rid the world of both Chaos and Absolute Order. To establish Harmony in lands that possess none. We were formed 200 years ago, when the mighty Starswirl The Bearded created the Elements of Harmony. These Elements have been passed down through the generations, picking their own Bearers. This generation, the Elements picked six strange girls to Bear them. A farmer, a street performer, a baker, a scholar, a tailor, and an animal caretaker.
With these girls at the helm of the Brotherhood, we hope to end the Templar's activities in Equestria. Though that may bring the entire government to its knees.
I am Den Master Octavia Melody, and I write this so that the future generations may remember our endeavors.
Coverart goes to Rameslack
Featured 12/29/15
(Slight SPOILS in the comments)
This sounds like it needs a dark tag.
Hmm I think this is a good start.
I like a good Assassins Creed crossover and this one sounds good. Keep up the good work.
4944369 I was thinking that before I started, but I guess I will.
4944439 Thanks! More's on the way.
This ought to be an interesting read.
You know I get the feeling that even when this story ends the war will continue. There will always be those who wish to control how the world works.
4945277 Ooo. We got our selves a thinker here
Spotted couple of trouble spots.
I doubt that these are her intentions, but one must never know with the Bearer of Generosity.- can never tell
"Rarity's expression turned from clam to shocked. "- calm
Aside from that, I like how Rarity just saunters up to the guards like that. Is that how you play the game as well?
4945544 thanks for the fixes mate.
No...I don't play like that....well....maybe....naw...sometimes? I'm pretty bad at stealth, so I just usually Rambo everything.
I was fearful of reading this. Mostly because I have seen many painful self insert assassin crossovers. I was afraid that this fic might have been one too.
I was pleasantly surprised to be wrong.
Characters were acting mostly as they should. Rarity especially, but that may have to do with she has had the most character development to this point.
Descriptions are well done.
A few grammar errors and typos, but nothing enough to ruin it.
Granted, it's not quite feature box quality, but it's got potential to be. Keep it up.
I enjoyed reading this so far. You get a like and a favorite from me. Be aware that I am watching.
Huh, so the Wonderbolts are on the Templar's side, will that be touched up on with Rainbow Dash in later chapters?
Also, why would Spitfire wield a weapon that's from a foreign nation? It's cool, yes but if it's ever lost of broken, the blacksmiths in Canterlot might find repairing the blade to be rather difficult.
Still, I would be interested to see future appearances by Spitfire or any other member of the traitor Wonderbolts.
Heh, you said updates won't be as quick and yet here we are at chapter 4 on day 2, not that it's a bad thing of course.
As you might already figured out, I really love stories that have their own lore and this one is quite interesting, though familiar for some reason. What inspired you to write that bit of lore, if I may ask?
-slowclap- Well, well, well. 4950911 it would seem that we have a third star writer in our party.
The story is well thought out, well presented, evenly paced and with greatly shown characters. The only thing that could use some improvement is the grammar and spelling, but that's just nitpicking.
All in all great work sir!
4950911 Well you see, I'm writing these before the sun rises in the morning. So it gives me more chance to write. But this is where that daily ends cause of school.
If you mean the tale that Twilight tells, I needed to show that Starswirl was a scholar, a politician. Many writers in olden times wrote myths like the Aeneid to express political opinion. So I simply needed a myth that expressed the Brotherhood's Creed.
4952432 Hurrah! For the Union!
Darn the grammar! It's Octavia's fault! Musicians can't write! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Discord, God of chaos, can help to make harmony.... I don't get it!?
4954027 Ironic ain't it? Remember, it's just a myth and this is an AU, so Lord of Chaos don't exist none.
yay assassins are awesome
It is the honor I can think of for he's departure- It is the honor I can think of for his departure. Or It was the only thing I could think of to give him an honorable departure to the beyond.
(Optional)I sit down. The sky is pink with twilight.- I sat down near the edge of the falls and looked up, the sky tinged pink with twilight.
Aside from that, I really enjoyed the chase scene accompanied by the music, I could imagine Octavia running through the rooftops of Venice-er Canterlot.
4957984 Thanks again for the fixes.
I'm trying hard to make the parkour seem fast and agile. I Don't really know how to accomplish this with text alone. I experimented with some things though.
This is pretty good.
4960282 thanks! More is on the way!
Fairly good. Just try and use different words. For instance, you start sentences with 'I' a lot. Try diversifying, like saying "slamming into the ground, I drove my hidden blade into my targets neck". Switch it up a bit.
4954027 It makes no sense, which there for does make sense because it's Discord....which doesn't make sense, there for does in fact make sense. Gah!
4965042 OH! It is simply too much to bear! OH!
Huh, I missed two chapter updates. No matter, it just means more reading for me(plus some procrastination
) Heh, good thing Octavia is leaving Canterlot soon so the heat can die down.
While I applaud your attempt to describe the scene to give the readers a sense of atmosphere in a setting, you don't need to describe everything. A simple generalization like you did with the lounge scene in the Den is more than enough to get the idea.
p.s: Braeburn as a Den Master? A tad unusual choice, though I am intrigued. Do continue.
p.s.s: Poor Flash
4966223 More generalization huh? I guess I'll see what I can do.
Oh yeah Braeburn was an odd one. I had to have a Den Master down there, and preferably a man since I've had so many women. I'm trying hard not to use any OCs. (haven't had one in yet if you don't include general background characters) So since FiM has so little male characters, I thought I will go with the Appleloosen native. But don't worry, I got plans for him.
Your story has gotten a lot of grand potential to it, keep up the great writing!
4992065 Thank ye kindly! And trust me I will
A vast improvement all around, Gap, though you seem to exaggerate on certain emotions here and there.
Aside from that, this chapter has been a very enjoyable read.
4994001 Gosh darn it Nony!
4994143 Oh, don't be like that. As far as I can tell, the problem is only in this chapter...I think
Well, this version of Braeburn is...interesting to say the least. Looks like the Assassins have their work cut out for them in Appleloosa, especially with the Templars armed with muskets and cannons.
5004819 Wait. Nothing on the technical stuff? Well ain't that fine and dandy.
5005550 Nope, anything else I see is far too trivial to bring up. Doing anymore would be too much. I look forward to how this story and your skills as a writer will turn out down the road.
How I imagine life as a pony assassin is like:
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/178/9/5/my_little_assassins__altair__i__m_warning_you_by_soldierboycaboose-d554oh4.png
5018629 Haha, bout time that image reached this.
Wait....I could use this....
Hmm, nope. Nothing noteworthy to point out...
Damn pony puns.
Anyways, I am interested in how Silverstar got wind of the Assassins' plans, could it be a traitor amongst their ranks?
Nice work with the Animus 'Dive effect' when Octavia saw Canterlot instead of Appleloosa, very nice use of descriptions as well. Though you missed one thing early on:
"It's broken Tavi. You're fall did more damage than I thought."
But that's about it.
5023024 Oh whoops!
It's amazing how many times you can check for errors like that and yet they still slip by!
Gap I am amazed. You shoot out these chapters like from a minigun!
5024105
Costs $40,000 to write these chapters...... for twelve seconds
5024429 Well said sir!
But now I must- BOINK!
)
ihatejillbeach.com/forum/uploads/caballo/2009-01-06_155805_busey_scout_boink.gif
(Nothing personal, you pulled out a Heavy quote and I just couldn't help myself~!
5024623 I have yet to meet man who can outsmart keyboard. Oh my God, someone touched Sasha. WHO TOUCHED MY LAPTOP?!
5025135
Must you provoke m- BOINK!
ihatejillbeach.com/forum/uploads/caballo/2009-01-06_155805_busey_scout_boink.gif
5025228 fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/013/8/6/team_fortress_2_heavy_and_sandvich_wallpaper_by_dunkmovies-d5rg8li.jpg
5025228 What was noise?
Ze sound of typing my friend.
5025232 5025235
Sir please, let us be civil. Let me tell you something. You listening?
5025246 halolz.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/halolz-dot-com-teamfortress2-clothesline.jpg
5025246
5025267
What....what have you done?
5025968 Turned something about Assassin's Creed into Team Fortress 2. You're welcome.