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This is just one of those nights in The Zone, a group of strangers who consider each other friends, keep each other company around a fire as they spend the night keeping watching and swapping tales. Times like these are timeless, cherished, for none of them may see each other again, or survive until the next time. The stories they swap spread and take up residence in the collective folklore of that time and place. These are the legends of The Zone.
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Ok, honest critique time.
First off, its well written. The dialogue flows pretty well, and sentence structure is solid.
My complaints are with the setting, namely that its being integrated into the show. You make an effort to show that these three stalkers live in the same world as the likes of twilight sparkle and Zecora, but the existence of personal firearms completely rips the reader out of the moment.
I guess I'm harping on this too much, but i don't think a story about the zone, a place where the laws of physics are scrambled by unknown forces, needs the addition of guns to make it interesting.
The conversations taking place also seem a little boring. They're talking about things happening outside of he zone, I want to know whats happening inside the zone.
I'm probably being too harsh, and I'm sure tomorrow I'll look back at this post and want to slap myself.
Just remember, for future chapters, don't be afraid to experiment a little bit. The zone is a place where all of our understanding about the natural world are turned on its head. so go nuts!
Get out of here, Stalker
This is awesome, also, another STALKER/MLP hybrid where the MLP has been converted into the STALKER one, awesome!
Do these people know how to keep a bloody gun from being broken in the first place?
it is almost always impossible to fix a gun in the field unless it is a very minor issue, and if it did indeed break or jam in combat, then why arent they lying on the side of the road with a 9 mil painkiller? That and i wouldn't trust anyone else to work on something that spits lead at the ghosties.
5084561
You have clearly never done the following things:
#1: Learned that "fix" can be used non-literally to mean "get it ready".
#2: Seen any other story of mine where I deal with firearms.
Also, what kind of 9mm? That's a pretty damn big category...