• Member Since 17th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Shizuo35


Well I love writing stuff. My OC: His name is Ryder Wheeler, Older brother to Scootaloo, (made him WAY before Scootaloo was revealed to have parents) Read on to see what he does with his life.

Comments ( 47 )

Hey I'm not trying to be negative but I'm giving you a forewarning. Expect to get a lot of flak from other FoE authors and fans for this story. If you call something Fallout: Equestria people are gonna assume it's a spin off of the original story by Kkat and when it's not people get upset. Also there's a stigma against FoE in general. There are people on the site that thumb down anything with Fallout: Equestria in the title end of story. I understand you're trying to write your own thing and all. I'm just giving you a heads up. People are gonna get upset at this and it's gonna get a lot of down votes.

Comment posted by Interloper deleted Jan 21st, 2015

5531096 Thanks for the heads up and I don't really care if it gets thumbs down. I get more satisfaction on how I think of it. And I think this is a pretty great fic!

just curious, would you be open to the idea of a nostalgia critic review of the first chapter.I see a lot of material I could use, but I just want your permission.

5531297 So... You want to Review the first chapter of the fic for Nostalgic reasons? Is there anyway you can clarify? It's late where I am and I'm a bit tired. Maybe send a message explaining more in detail please. I'd really appreciate it.

Nice. You deleted my comment. This won't bode well for you, sir.

Anyways, as I was saying, this story isn't a Fallout: Equestria sidestory. It is a Fallout/MLP crossover. So I'm not sure if the whole 'Fallout Equestria' in your story's name belongs. Yeah, you can name it whatever you want, but when people see 'Fallout: Equestria' they're going to associate it with the actual Fallout: Equestria. You're basically jumping on a red bandwagon in a blue jumpsuit, here. You're actually better off giving your story a more unique name, because people don't generally like Fallout: Equestria stories.

Why are you naming it Fallout Equestria? Is this a Fallout: Equestria sidefiction? If yes, did you even read the original? It's acceptable to warp and cherrypick canon from Fallout: Equestria, but your story doesn't even take place in the same universe to begin with, so I'm just politely wondering why you chose to title the story the way you did if it has nothing to do with the source material?

Additionally, the grammar in this story is readable, but noticeably poor, the dialogue is clunky and awkward, and you're making the mistake of telling us a story, not showing one. I'll be sure to save this comment this time, so that you can't censor me.

Good luck.

Comment posted by Infuriated deleted Jan 21st, 2015

5531333 Hm, to be fair his description doesn't claim to be a sidefic? And can't he name his story what he wants? It might confuse readers familiar with the FOE stuff, but with a closer look it's clear it isn't that. Sorry to be the devil's advocate here.

5531378

True. Though most FO:E sidestories don't take the time to do that, either. And sure he can. I was, in my original comment, politely asking whether this story was FO:E or if it was just a Fallout/MLP fimfiction. I just now, however, edited my comment to express this.

Go ahead and be the Devil's Advocate. I won't block you or delete your comments for disagreeing with or criticizing me :pinkiehappy:

OK. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I just couldn't force myself to read past the 1/4 mark.

The grammar is really hard to read. Too many mass blocks of text with no real direction. Speech was awkward at best (protip, act out a scene when you can, even if it's by yourself. If it feels awkward, stiff or wierd to say in a normal conversation, it probably is just as hard to read. It helps me anyway.) Then you use that "...." thing way too often, it doesn't help. Let's not forget those rather awkward transitions between scenes.

Last note: We don't need all the gross details that don't mean anything. We didn't need all the extra bits in the birthing portion. Or constant mentions of pissing themselves.

I am not going to go on a tirade about this not being an Fo:E side fic, because I have a feeling this is already being ignored.

5531421

I am not going to go on a tirade about this not being an Fo:E side fic, because I have a feeling this is already being ignored.

Or worse. Deleted.

I tried reading it, too, and I felt the same way. I ended up skimming it after reading the first 3 or 4 paragraphs.

5531153
I'm sure I'm probably just echoing everyone else here but your story would actually receive far better review if it just stood as a standalone. Forget the FoE part and you might actually have something here. Aside from that your grammar and tensing needs a little work but beyond that ---- Lose the name... Please.

5531153 I hope that's not a sincere statement. That do-no-wrong attitude is TOXIC for a budding writer. You close yourself off to improvement because you delude yourself into thinking you and your work are already perfect.

Deleting comments bring authors a bad reputation.

And I think this is a pretty great fic!

Twenty other people disagree.

5531096

Actually, we thumb it down because the story is shit. There is one good recent FO:E fic that wasn't downvoted terribly.

Our hero is a colt named Rough Ryder. Most ponies call him 'Ry' for short. He lived in the vault all his life with his friend Silver Spoon. Our hero is spending time in his Vault room when an alarm goes off. Someone left the vault when they werent supposed to. Someone close to him.

CONGRATULATIONS, You invented Fallout 3!

gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Conan-OBrien-Sarcastic-Clap-and-Thumbs-Up.gif

3 likes. 27 dislikes. 3^3 is 27. There are 3 sides of a triangle. Radioactive substances have a half life. Half life doesn't have a 3... yet. illuminati and half life 3 confirmed

Can this story be reported regarding its title?

5532176 Yeah but there people on this site who thumb down stories solely because they're FoE. I've talked to them before. If it has Fallout: Equestria in the title they thumb it down regardless of quality. It's sad :/

I do agree though. This story is pretty bad :/ what was the recent FoE story that didn't get down voted terribly?

5532618

Urgh, I can't find it.

But I can tell you what it was about. Something with the Crystal Empire and this one guy going there. Really good world building. If you find it on the FOE group, I can tell you if that's the one or not.

5532520

Nah. I don't see how that's even remotely reportable. It isn't offensive. It's just ... arguably incorrect.

5532176

This isn't FO:E, though.

5532960

Weird. Because it looks like the title says Fallout Equestria.

5533161

It's a farce. Perhaps an unintentional farce, but a farce nonetheless.

5533164

It might say it's Fallout Equestria, but in essence, it is not. It's like taking a peach, painting it a glossy red, and saying it's an apple. It might look like an apple, but it's still a peach.

5533181

I'm pretty sure it's meant to be. You don't just put a title that says it's that and go "JK".

5532236
5532618
5532802
I do believe the fic y'all are looking for is Ice Breaker. Unfortunately, though it didn't get downvoted to hell, it is NOT good at all.

5533864 It's only got one chapter and it's already on hiatus? That's disappointing :/ you say the story isn't any good but the comments section seem to disagree with you. I'll have to check it out for myself. The hiatus thing makes me somewhat reluctant however.

5533881
I always reccomend people form their own, informed, decision; but don't get your hopes up. Also, in retrospect, this isn't really the place for this conversation.

5533903 Yeah you're right. I'm in complete agreement with Interloper on this stories title. It shouldn't be called Fallout: Equestria. It's not associated with the established Fallout: Equestria world and it's kind of insulting to the entire FoE fandom to title your story like this. Not cool.

5531387

Oof, low blow there, sir, even if it is called for. :trixieshiftright:

5533864 I just wanted to know what FoEfic Guardian claimed as good. That pretty surprised me.

I first read the comments, then read a paragraph. The sheer number of kicks to te balls that is the FoE canon is INSANE! My suggestion is to tear this story down, repost it WITHOUT the FoE name and call it a crossover with fallout that isn't FoE or just an original story that takes elements from Fallout. I'm certain most of your dislikes are angry FoE fans about your blatant disregard of the canon. Not leaving a dislike though, too nice for that!:scootangel:

Usually I can muscle my way through something like this but you have shown me my limit.

5555379 Wait what do you mean by that? I'm sorry for asking it's late, I'm tired and I cant really process stuff right now

5537560 You know what... I think I might do that. You are the second person that suggested that but... What would I call it?

I read so many fallout stories it's ridiculous usually I really don't care about what a story contains but fallout is everywhere and I cant do it anymore

5555469 honestly, might as well keep the same name, just remove the FoE title

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