ShiverMay is gone, no where to be seen. Arts Desire must wonder in search of her sister. What will she find waiting for her? Will her shattered heart become whole again?
Began writing this when I had nothing to do. I will try to post a new chapter reguarly, but I get writers block rather easily. Bare with me my friends!
I have reciened 3 wonderful peices of art for the cover and will be alternating between them.
- http://mlpfimocsforyou.deviantart.com/art/Cover-contest-entry-492352586
- http://jinx-reggie.deviantart.com/art/Missing-May-Potential-Cover-493408468
Chapters (1)
Hello I'm Member Bon Bon of a local Writers Aide Group I wanted to stop by and give some tips as well as a review of this Fic.-
Well to start Pacing in this Fic was just great, I loved the flow of this story it felt natural and smooth.
Alot of fics I see rush the pace or simply halt down to a snails speed, but this was just right -Good Job.
Style was decent you got a feel for the characters as well as some insight into their personas.-Good Job.
Now as for setting up your scenes they felt rushed here.- your scenes were stated but never described.
As well as Your Characters you gave a jist of who they were but nothing else., When using OC's flushing them out is needed to help them feel real.
Writers writing about EX the mane 6 don't really need to flush them out due to the show did that for us.
I say use a more descriptive touch in future chapters, flush out your scene and characters with it so your readers can connect and get pulled into the world you are createing.
Remember Description is not just tied to what a character looks like it also is tied to who they are and what makes them -well them.
Some people go over board with descriptions at times so use it wisely and don't abuse it, I think you can pull it off personaly.
If you need some EX's on how to add a bit more descriptive flair into the story merely ask for me I'd be happy to help you out.
Other then this the fic has a good flow and promise- I gave a hoof-bump to this and will keep an eye out for more.
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Thanks!
I shall most certainly attempt your suggestions.
I am extremely glad that you liked it!
Yeah. Ur doin good Artsy. But did ya mention that this comes after the events of A Thorne in the Empire? Some ponies might wanna read it first, even tho it isnt done yet.... ooooo there are spoilers in here......
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It wasn't suppose to be a sequel, but that story is part of Artsy's background, so it could not be helped that there are connections. I jsut don't know...