House of Nightmares

After returning from Mayor Mare, Twilight finds rather terrifying "surprise" waiting for her in the library.

You could say this is a late Nightmare Night/Halloween fic.

Proof-Readers: Kooshster & GunsmithPete338

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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dragonjek

dragonjek #1 · Nov 12th, 2014 · · ·

Wonderfully done.

Up until the point that fake-Twilight showed up, I thought it might still be a prank (some of the "jokes" the fandom has Luna or Celestia set up are just horrifying). At that point I was a bit freaked out when I realized that, no, this is deathly serious--and that Dark tag meant there was a very real chance that NMN would successfully replace Twilight.

I like how accepting Luna was of Twilight's nightmares--well, the subject of them rather than the nightmares themselves. Twilight's dreams could have been played up as a sign of her distrust for her lover, but Luna rather elegantly dismissed those fears (that Twilight was afraid that was what her dreams meant is even better).

You did a great job setting up the atmosphere of the story. If I have a complaint it would be over "By Star Swirl's beard!" Although making setting-specific swearing can be used well, in this case (and with that sentence) it comes off as rather cheesy. That sort of swear feels more like something to say when surprised or amazed, rather than horrified.

GrandSpear

GrandSpear #2 · Nov 12th, 2014 · · ·

I like it.

Juu50x

Juu50x #3 · Nov 12th, 2014 · · ·

5261788 Thanks a lot. It feels good to have these kinds of comments in my story.
And about that line, well, that was the only thing I really could come up. Sine I don't think "Sweet Celestia" or something else bit like that might have been the best one either.