This story is based on the human teenager Davis Peradova and the chain reaction of problems that form around him. He will gain new everything from family to enemies throughout his 10 year journey. You'll read of him surviving in the forest for months on end as he evades his Skaven captors.
Caution: I would advise not sticking with this story if your not interested in gore later on, I will be making expansions to this story when war comes into the picture. It starts out a little bumpy since its about Davis's future adopted children. But everything will work out in the end hopefully.
Again honesty is well appreciated. If your looking to edit for me please send me a pm so that I can give you the password. Even pre readers are well appreciated.
This is a brilliant new start, I love it! When can I expect another chapter?!
I've read more than a few fics that referred to their world as "Equis" or some spelling variation thereof. I've also heard of it as an alternate version of either future or past Earth.
2394710 Soon I hope, just as long as my jobs don't get in the way. So you didn't see any problems with it?
2394769 Thanks for letting me know. I know about different writers making it into an alternate earth and all. That's kind of why I wanted to try something different. You will see why I named it Eve.
2395187 Thanks I'm glad I got you at least interested instead of bored lol. That's what I was hoping for.
Well this is certainly a good and interesting intro. Though I must admit that I am a bit confuzzeled about what is going on here. Skaven (clan mors or skryre I hope, molder and pestilence where always the insane once), a human with a griffon friend, a family consisting of a naga, two diamond dogs and an equestrian version unicorn in a universe where the old world of warhammer, the universe of equestria, a human world of unknown variety, a world with naga populi (I only know of felraya but fate ain't huge so maybe not) and possibly more worlds collide/link/have been linked/other reason.
You sure have something never before written, that's for sure and I'm pretty fucking exited of reading it.
Proceed.
2396556 No its nothing like that sorry lol. I admit I used the name Skaven for rat people because I couldn't come up with anything that sounded so perfect in describing them. I promise that they will be just as nasty and cunning though.
The children are adopted and the world they live on is indeed the same planet that Equestria resides. I just thought that the planet named Eve would be much better than Equis or Earth.
As for the confusion I apologize. I admit that I did that to give people an understanding of where I want things to lead to. Davis had one hell of a run when he comes to Eve. I promise that after the second chapter I will go into why things are the way they are.
2396603 perfect, just want to make sure that I don't miss something.
Gorgans are the creatures with snake hair, and turns people to stone with a look. What you are using is a naga. There is a difference.
2413013 Sorry kind of did something a little different. Yes gorgons have snakes in their hair in myth. My gorgons however can gain the rare ability to turn people into stone once they reach the age of adulthood. Also the way their hair moves when they use the ability looks like a head full of snakes but it really isn't. Like I said before I changed some stuff around, plus I have thought this out carefully.
I love it, love it, love it! The intro is so different from the last time; so unique! I can't wait, now we're getting to the journal! All I saw were a few short sentences and missing commas! You're getting better! I can't say I looked to hard for mistakes, but you sure are becoming astute with your grammar! Oh, and try not to make sentences short, choppy, and numerous in topics as I have in this comment! That's bad, m'kay?
2418628 Ok thank you I will try to make my sentences longer. I'm actually surprised that I have made it this far without some grammar natzi shoving his book down my throat. So far I have done this without an editor.
2418846
Wow, all this without an editor? You are a good self-correctional human!
C
2420479 I re read it at least 10 times before I publish it lol.
2421043
Amazing!
2422380 Ok so far people have been picking C so I'm really happy about that. This is going to be so fun. The other two elements would have been far to easy to do. But I will wait two more days before the test ends.
I vote for good ol fire.
Also, I am really enjoying the family dynamic shown so far for this little multi species family. Gorgons, though, we have not seen in show... so I must ask. Are they gorgons like we know them, with snake tail and hair? Or more pony like? Or something else, like lamia and naga?
2423485 Ok not sure what Lamia are but I've come up with my own version of the gorgon. Yes they have a snake like body with a human torso, but they don't have snakes in their hair. The ability to turn people to stone is a rare ability that only a few will get once they reach adulthood.
Right now I'm kind of sweating because I'm trying to see if I can tell his story with his family throwing in their opinions every so often. Ever since I started writing I've grown to like them to (I know that's strange).
Ok so that's one for fire excellent. So we have two shadow, one fire, and one water. Alright this is going to be sweet!
2423748
Lamia basically is commonly shown as another Naga variant. In common modern culture, the Naga and the Lamia are both variants on the half snake, half human creature. Some art depict naga as simply snakes with the head of a human(creepy), and some ancient art show Lamia as strange quadrapedal creatures with the head and chest of a human. the rest of their body is covered in scales, and is rather odd looking. Typically, though, Naga and Lamia are interchangeable terms for a snake person like I will describe.
Commonly, the mix tends to simply be that the legs and lower body of the human are replaced with a snake tail/body. The variance and details of the creature vary, from having a cobra hood instead of a human head of hair, to other snakelike features in the human half of the body. They may also be warm OR cold blooded, depending on whose rules you go by. Additionally, some artists have even started making half pony instead of half human variants of naga/lamia/snakefolk.
That is why I asked for more detail regarding the Gorgons in your story's continuity. Thanks for letting me know!
2423982 That is actually very interesting. Thank you
He appear to be quite good at summarizing.
It will be fun seeing him go from this to some kind of high lord or something
Fun! He's not bland at all! You've gotten pretty good at personalities since we last met, and it's showing!
2481576 Ya he becomes something along those lines.
2483049 Thank you very much.
2484517
You're very welcome!
That last part...WAS FREAKING HILARIOUS.....I LAUGHED SO-HO-HO HA-HA-HARD... Ah *le sigh* That was great...Ruin a sentimental moment with libido...THE BEST!
I personally like the character, and the descriptions provided. If you ever do mess something up, I'll be sure to tell you, but I can't make any assumptions on what you've written so far, I'd need more to give you fair and unbiased criticism. So far all I can really say, Is that I am enjoying your story, and that I am eagerly awaiting more.
Your friendly 'Neigh' borhood Critic and HIE-GB Connoisseur,
ISA,
or,
IkioSTAR the STARborn. (If you can't tell this is a play on words from a popular video game, Ten Internets, 2 mustaches, and a randomly generated cookie of your choice if you can properly guess my reference.)
2730027 I'm trying to pump out another chapter, just a little stuck. But I will get the chapter out soon, thank you for the comment.
2731437 And thank you for responding. If you ever need help with pumping information about dragon-related myths and stories I'd be happy to help you.