- Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
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Admiral Biscuit
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Admiral Biscuit
Joined 2nd Nov, 2012 ·
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Admiral Biscuit · 13k words · 403 5 · 4.6k views
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Damnit, you soggy excuse for a naval commander! Something this short doesn't satiate my hunger!
Are there any stories on here about a Mennonite dude or something getting dropped off in Equestria? Imagine what a good whittler or woodcarver could do with the customer base and local competition in a place like Ponyville to work with.
Walk in on some bow chicka wow wow.
5554945
Fear not, it will be updated in short order.
I haven't seen one yet, but I'd read the heck out of such a story.
So, only shorts? No bra, no shirt?
5555272
Correct, due to impracticality. It's hard to keep up with the costs and effort needed to maintain a proper wardrobe in a world where clothing is a rarity (and without machines to ease the burden), so she eventually caved. Bar protective clothing, leggings and bathrobes seem to be all she typically uses by this point.
Speaking of Dirty Jobs, Sam, be happy. At least you're not working in the sewage inspection business cleaning up Muffin Monsters.
This string of stories is great, but too short.
Also, i just realized something, periods must be extra bothersome for her.
5562220
I know; I'm sorry. That's just kind of the way these come to me.
I intend to cover that in an upcoming story.
You know, I once read an article teaching how women can actually pee standing. Apparently it's not too hard given the right conditions...
5562220 wow, imagery there.
that would be interesting wouldn't it?
Keep going! ;)
The daw I felt from this filly!
5562451 I'm actually surprised that when apple blossom asked her about foals she didn't. .... have a bigger reaction. Like she was heart broken that she couldn't bear children in equestria.
5563523
Maybe she hasn't really thought about it yet, kids might not be at the top of her mind at the moment.
@tsaukpaetra
Lack of wind helps? ;)
---
- tiff (unless it's vernacular?)
Huh. I'd been wondering why she was stuck working in a mill; considering hands vs. hooves, most HIE stories quickly have them doing something where their dexterity gives them an edge. The whole trustworthiness angle is an interesting take on it.
5566281 not so much vernacular as jar-in-mouth.
5555272
Too expensive. Imagine having to start over in a world where your only possessions are literally the clothes on your back and whatever skills you possess. She can't even beg used clothes from the ponies, because those wouldn't fit her.
5555888
I remember reading a fic where the human got stuck cleaning out a sewer at one point. It might have been Hands.
5563071
One of my ex-girlfriends could, with remarkable accuracy.
5563523
I don't think that's something she'd be thinking about all the time. She's in her early 20s, so she plausibly wouldn't be thinking about kids yet. Not to say that she hasn't lain awake at night with that idea in her head, of course.
5566281
Does with guys, too. Never piss into the wind.
5571747's got it; it's the jar in her mouth. Being the good researcher that I am, I held a bottle in my mouth and said Apple Cider's line.
5571350
From a pure realism point of view (one which the show doesn't accurately portray) hands might be less useful in a pony world than most people would imagine. After all, everything would be designed to be operated by hoof, wing, mouth, or magic, and would have pony ergonomics in mind. While that wouldn't render it unusable to a human, it would certainly reduce some of the hand-superiority.
To me, canon evidence suggests that ponies are generally very speciesist. I don't see them raising mobs to go after the outsider, but their behavior around Zecora is a good barometer for how they treat strangers they don't really trust.
5572689
I have no boobs, but i would at least tie a rag, if hanging boobs bother as much as hanging balls.
5572836
As far as I know, it's a matter of personal preference.
5572740
Yeah, now that I think of it, humans are sort of a jack of all trades compared to the three pony races.
Fics usually go on about how versatile hands are, but if you want something really dexterous, you'd call in a unicorn. At least some of the stuff we've seen
pull off are leagues beyond what a human can match.
Weaker than an an earth pony is a given.
Height is an advantage, so humans could do high jobs - until you add a pegasus into the mix.
Unless you have some unusual skill, it would be kind of hard to get by. It's hard to see a niche where hands are an inherent advantage. The whole humans-as-masseuse thing actually kind of makes sense as a hands niche, though we bump back up against the species insecurity issue you've got going...
5573129
Besides manual labor, in most of the other trades I can think of off the top of my head, some tribe of pony would probably have an advantage. Scribe might be a possibility, although they have typewriters in canon, so you'd have to be good at calligraphy to set yourself apart. There are a lot of hobbies, though, that in Equestria could become profitable. You might have an advantage selling small trinkets, since there's be a certain kitsch value to items made by a human, I'd think.
It's fun to see Sam and Flora interact. I enjoy seeing more of the everyday life, as well. Painting is a fairly logical job, though I don't know that I'd be willing to get close enough to a beehive to accidentally bump it.
I know she doesn't appear in this story but the Celestia of this world seems to be much less generous to a stranded alien than the Celestia of OPP who spares no expense to house and support two humans. Sam seems to work very hard just to make ends meet.
5573332
Thank you!
I did once. That's how I know you can run off a roof and down a ladder faster than the bees can get you.
I enjoy this little story. Keep it up.
Seems like almost everyone is updating today....
Anyways, baby steps are still steps.
It's not corruption if the thing that's supposed to be corrupting isn't considered as such, right?
I think it just takes a few moments for the bees to initialize their attack to identify the target and then start attacking...
Keep going! ;)
5573371 One can also crawl out from underneath a pool deck faster than a wasp. Neither fact makes me at all comfortable around them.
5572690 Ah yes, I remember that one. Don't remember why I got disillusioned with it and got it unfaved, though.
5573371 i'm more curious as to why rarity hasn't noticed there is a beehive attached to her place and why it hasn't been removed from her "perfection"
5579783 That could make for a hilarious read.
5580331 I was thinking more along the lines Sam being forced to give the Talk, from human perspective just for an adult pony to pass by and first get worried before correcting her on a couple f things, to a bunch of curious kids.
5580415 Parents often dread the day when they have give the Talk to their own kids. Now think how you would feel giving it t bunch of kids that aren't your own or even the same species as you.
5580477 That would be putting it lightly.
5580495 My vocabulary lacks any words severe enough to describe her suffering. Maybe if I could curse in at least 12 languages I might have sufficient words, but unfortunately I can do so in only two.
5573359
Several of the major reasons why Princess Celestia is so generous in OPP are that Dale and Kate were brought accidentally, possibly because of an error in the spell she gave Lyra, they were both injured, and Princess Celestia is interested in opening up diplomatic relationships with Earth eventually.
5573907
Thank you!
5573940
Agreed. It's more an issue of Sam's social expectations. We can presume Apple Flora has seen plenty of naked ponies in her life, and a naked human isn't all that much different, when you get down to it. I doubt that the ponies have the concept that nudity = sex.
That would be my assumption. When we were spraying the barns, we'd just give any bees or wasps that got close to where we were working a quick coat of taupe paint. They'd fall to the ground, and couldn't fly until they got their wings cleaned off again, by which time they'd forgotten why they were upset in the first place.
What was more interesting about that painting experience, and I forgot to put it in the blog, is I was removing a light fixture from the side of the horse barn (live, because we didn't know where the circuit breakers were), and one of the horses came over and thought that my stepladder was a horse toy. The stepladder I was standing on.
5574083
I've made it a habit of trying to avoid bees ever since I had two yellowjackets fly up my pantleg at Boy Scout camp. That was not fun.
5575088
I kind of lost interest when the protagonist developed a relationship with two of the Mane 6, and then went down to the basement of Canterlot Castle and got a giant robot or something like that.
5576215
I have an idea that the ponies and the insects mostly have an understanding. Rarity stays down on the ground, and the bees stay in her cupola, and as long as everypony stays where they ought to, things will be fine. Heck, Fluttershy might have convinced her that the bees would make sure she always had nice flowers around her boutique.
5581639 My experience was finding out I was allergic to wasps and ibuprofen on the same day ... Lends one to develop what a charitable person would call a healthy fear of stinging things.
5581654 that makes sense. Fluttershy probably had to stop her from calling the exterminators at first lol.
5581643 that isn't hands. He does get into a double relationship. But he finds a human spaceship in the underground human vault in canterlot castle.
5581615
I can understand that but that brings up an unfortunate implication that she is only helping because she believes she is partially at fault and she also wants to turn this into gains for her nation and people. It could then be asked why the Celestia here doesn't help at least a little, out of pure altruism, a stranded alien who has nothing but the clothes on her back and has to restart her life back at the bottom.
I know that this is primarily a story about the Sam and Rose relationship and we're not meant to consider this but I couldn't help thinking about it.
5581689
Okay, fair enough. I remembered that there was some futuristic artifact in the basement, or perhaps a whole collection of them, and to me it derailed the story enough that I just stopped reading it.
5581706
Although it's unlikely to come up in any of the Sam and Rose stories, I don't think the ponies are cruel enough to idly stand by if Sam is honestly in trouble, and I think if she truly was destitute, and begged for help, she'd get it. But there's her own personal pride to consider, too--Sam isn't the type to ask for charity.
These are entirely too short!