There Is No One Like Me

by Rainbow__Sparkle

Lightning Does Strike Twice

I just don’t know who sent Applejack a letter saying I was in Las Pegasas. That’s been on my mind lately. Who would do something like? I’ve been nothing but loyal to my friends and the ponies around me. Who would be that mean? I was really worried when I thought that something happened to AJ. I had a little hunch she was fine, but what if something did happen? All these questions that are racing through my head will just have to be put aside.

We were all at Sugar Cube Corner. Well, not all of us just AJ, Lightning Dust, and I. I didn’t get anything there, I wasn’t all that hungry. I was just really surprised that Lightning Dust was in Ponyville and just happened to see Applejack, and Applejack just happened to be doing nothing. Applejack was the first to sit at the table. The orange pony was ready to gobble down on an apple fritter. I was ready to sit next to her, but than Lightning came. She stole my seat! I literally pulled out the seat for myself, but then she actually stole it! What the hay Lightning? I was ready to say that, that seat was for me, but before I could possibly open my mouth Lightning gave a glare at me as if threatening me. I just moved to the other seat instead. If she wanted to have that seat so badly than she could.

AJ swallowed a mouthful of food down her throat. She was almost finished with it, I was really surprised. She had never eaten anything that fast before. By the time she was finished Lightning Dust got her food. “Sorry girls, I got to head back to the barn” she sighed,

“No worry I’ll just take my food to go!” Lightning cheered,

“And I am free for the rest of the day, I could go with you two,” I said. Applejack gave a “Ye ha!” and was dancing around. I smiled, I was happy we would all be able to do something together. When I looked at a Lightning Dust I tried to give her a hoof bump, but she just walked right out of the door a little mad.

“Hey, AJ we better get going,” Lightning said at the doorway,

“You’re right, come on Rainbow!” Applejack cheered as she pulled me to the doorway. We all walked out together. It was actually pretty nice, and peaceful, but than Lightning came.

“Hey, AJ want to race?” Lightning asked,

“Sure, but wouldn’t Rainbow want to race with us too?” AJ asked I looked at Lightning Dust who was giving me another glare. I could tell she didn’t want anything to do with me.

“Uh … I’m cool you two race” I said a little nervous. I didn’t know what Lightning wanted or why she was here, but she still didn’t want to look at my face. Although I wasn’t part of the race, I did get to say “1 2 3” I didn’t get to say go though cause Lightning stole that, like how she stole my chair. There was at first a huge dust cloud as they raced into action, but as it slowly died down I could see that AJ was far ahead of us, and there was a turquoise Pegasus standing right in front of me.

“If you still want to still be AJ’s friend then you won't get between us. Do you hear me?” Lightning growled,

“Applejack would never not want to be my friend.”

“Oh, trust me. You still don’t know what I’m capable of” Lightning growled again. Before I could say anything she bolted away. What did she mean, you don’t know what I am capable of? I knew she couldn’t control a tornado, or be a leader, so what could she mean? I thought she was only good at being mean. I didn’t want to take my chances, so I left not sure what AJ would think next time I see her. what I really wanted to do was hit Lightning Dust hard in the face, so that she would get a messed up face, like how she is sort of messing up my life.

Comments

[Pankrazius]

I write you, because I didn't like if someone just downvotes a story without some reason why.
(No, i didn't vote yet, as I hope your story turns out better as it seems at the moment)

To the grammar:
There were not much distracting typos (so I didn't spot any - although they could be there)

But your sentences are very... wooden. You write in 1st-Person (what is really hard) and you try to get RDs personality in your writing. But just adding some catchphrases (like the 20%-cooler thing) doesn't do the job. One reason is, that you use the same word over and over again (like skies, sky sky sky alone in the first paragraph).
Try to vary your words. And try to write more like one would think. Or especially how Rainbow would think.

To the story:
Its a bit of a strange setup.

Some actions of Rainbow Dash seem a really off.
- "I felt never so free in my life"... Rainbow does this the whole time. She propably appreciates the feeling of flying at all. But superlatives like this are very odd at this place.

- The sudden panic when she didn't find AJ on the farm. I mean... there are plenty of other reasons. And after all AJ had lived her whole life on the farm. If some one tried to 'took her' ... I would bet the only thing he gets is a nice buck in the 'where-it-hurts'
Why did RD freak out?

The same goes for AJ
- She knows, that RD is one of the reliablest pegasi ever (Element of Loyalty after all) and then she gets just a postcard from Las Pegasus and shrugs it of? No way.

- AJ is descripted as stubborn and not as forgiving as for example Twilight or Fluttershy. So there has to be a reason at least WHY the hay she is all fine with Lightning Dust.

And Lightning Dusts description is very bland at the moment. Why did she act like that? Why did she try to break in the group and Why did she threat RD? They share a history together (she acts a bit like Gilda VS Pinkie - is this intentional?)
There is some background necessary. Your readers have to understand why she act like this. (Because without reason it's just 'evil for the lulz'.)

And if its going to get some kind of revenge-plot... then its just too blunt to work.

- The thing with the postcard is... very obvious, as the words of LD "Step one" and so....
One word of Rainbow to AJ could reveal the whole thing (I assume that AJ would more likely believe Rainbow. She is - after all - her friend for a long time and they share adventures, experiences, dangers, problems and good times.)

So there are a few issues to take care off, if you want to convince your reader, to believe your story.

All in all - you could pull a plot like this. You need just more description and reasons for the single character actions.