Princess Celestia. An alicorn being in which we have no idea how she was born. Time for a discussion with the Princess herself!
A thirteen-year-old pegasister that's using MLP to stabilize her aggression.
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Not bad could be better.
5569491
Incomplete, pal. It's incomplete.
5569539 I know and I love the idea. Not to many Celestia origins stories.
5569550
Thanks!..
Your writing needs work. Try not to overuse the ()'s, when describing someone, maybe try it like this.
Instead of,
Perhaps do,
. That shows it is IN the story, not out of it, and not said like an off-handed comment.
Nice concept though.
Hope I didn't sound too mean.
5570210
But it IS out of the story! The CMC weren't even born yet!
5570317 Point taken, but there was also another thing that I was too lazy to find again.
You put down (male), when you could have simply put down, male. That unicorn, who is male, was most defiantly in the story. He was questioning the elder unicorn lady.
5571020
5570317 Neither of you can spell very well unless you try from what I've observed. Stop criticizing each other before this gets into a flame war.
There is a point though where there are to many ()'s, only use when extra details are being added or there is a quick change of thought, but double dashes "--" should be used when change of thought for proper punctuation. If you want further help, send me a PM and I can send you a full advisement on what to do.
5619692
Um... We haven't "spoken" to each other for a week. Our war has been over for a while...
these lines XD
5831575
Thx!
Yeah! Thanks! I'm glad you're liking DiscordFan's story!
PINKIE!!! What have I told you about hacking my account!? Go get your own!
Party pooper...
Just finished the first chapter, and I'm already hooked. I'll read the rest of the story and give feedback on later chapters, that is, if you don't mind my constant peanut gallery.
SO. It was cool how you really started from the beginning. Like, seriously the beginning. Must've been hard describing what it's like to be pushed into this word through your mother's vagina, but you pulled it off well and...surprisingly un-gross. The only thing I didn't like about this chapter was the portrayal of what a seven year old is like. Tia behaves more like four or five here, but it's not a huge issue.
....*reads this chapter*.......*checks story tags, and sees 'random'*
Ah, I see. That would explain the intense fourth-wall breaking here. But honestly, if you're going to do the random genre, then I suggest really committing to it. Otherwise it seems like a legit story at first, and then the fourth wall breaking takes the reader out of the story because its' jarring and unexpected. Though this might actually be more my fault because I should've read the 'random' tag and gone into the story expecting such shenanigans.
5882929
The reason I made 'Tia act younger was because in those times, you didn't start learning until you were, like, a teenager. 'Tia should consider herself lucky on how I portrayed her.